This will be one of those blog posts that will be all over the place.No specific topic, just me going on a rant. No use of "fancy" or "big words". I'm going to let my thoughts flow.
Troy Davis' execution really evoked something in me that words can't suffice. What really irked me the most was the bashing and demonization I received on facebook right after I updated my status. Instead of leaving these vile comments on my status update, these people spread themselves in my inbox.
First of all, you may have seen me on twitter and facebook but believe me when I say you really don't know me as you think you do. Unless you know me personally, Outside of the social networking setting, then you really have no business drawing conclusions about me.
Here is the irony of this situation: These people had no clue about who Troy Davis was. They saw my status updates and asked who he was. I informed them, then they turned around and bashed me saying where was I 20 years ago when he first got convicted. What type of batshit is that? It is really idiotic to ASSume that I just talk and I'm not actually involved in my community, or just because I'm now spreading awareness about an issue, I'm a bandwagoner. Miss me with that.
Listen, in society, you're either part of the problem or part of the solution. What is your purpose in life? Are you living or existing? Are you part of the status quo or are you anti-status quo? What causes do you fight for? what are you passionate about? I've noticed that the people who like maintaining status quo, love barking and biting at those who are seeking to create new realities and a better world for all. They critique the most, yet do the least. People have refused to turn off BET, and try to educate themselves on issues that matter. How long, will we continue to bask in mediocrity? What has corroded your thinking? How many of you are willing to sacrifice your comfort for freedom? Are you going to join the movement or are you just going to sit, calling people "crazy" yet waiting for them to pave the way for you? The sad part is many people don't even know we are living in a repressive society and we are broken, wounded beings. So how can they even seek to change things when they don't even know change is needed?
I could Talk till the cows come home but I'll redirect my energy into something else . This is all I have to say: We are born in a world of sink or swim and some people decided to surf. Do not demonize the surfers. You can either join them or continue to sink or swim. You can either conform or transform. The choice is yours. But just remember, If you can't take a stance on anything, you are part of the problem.
Sep 23, 2011
Sep 9, 2011
My Feminist Rant
Patriarchy, I believe, is one of the biggest systems of opression to ever exist. It has a death hold on society, especially Women. Patriarchy is defined as “the organization of society on the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of the wives and children and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line.” In patriarchy the legal principles just mentioned spill over into the general society beyond the family by both law and custom and the supremacy of the father in the family is extended to the belief that the male is superior to the female. The result is the oppression of women and the over masculinization of society.
The psychological power of patriarchy is not to be taken lightly. To this day, a majority of the world still believes Women are inferior to men. This system has made women make very few advances in society & explains why the progress of Women's movements has been ridiculously slow and asperous. The frustration of women in such a system has led them to turn against each other. Women competing with each other and putting others down in an effort to gain male approval and survive in a man's world. Why? because from childhood, young girls are taught that they don't deserve love, they have to earn it from men. It's always.."don't do this or that because men don't like women who are this or that". That right there sets the tone that no man will want you for being yourself. You have to subscribe to a certain set of preset standards of "what a woman should be". A Women's worth therefore is based on male approval. Men on the other hand, can practically do whatever they want. After all, they are the "go getters". They don't have to be "found" like women. I'm pretty sure the genesis of many soceital problems is the fact that there is an unfair assignment of gender roles to both sexes. Men are allowed to be socially irresponsible, and "explore" their manhood while at the same time dominating over women, Whereas women are expected to be subservient.
This is where feminism kicks in. As most of you know, I am a feminist. Feminists in general get castigated from both men and women because of this stupid notion that we are hairy legged women who are bitter, don't want to cook or clean and hate men.That, my friends, is batshit.
What is feminism? Webster defines feminism as: “the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” Since men wrote the dictionary it should not be surprising that the definition is lacking an essential element and must be corrected. Feminism is also the theory of the psychological equality of the sexes. True feminism insists on the psychological and social equality of the sexes.
The true feminist view is that human characteristics are not sex oriented or stereotyped by sex. Rather, any human being can develop the qualities that we call human. The development is intrinsic and wholeness is a healthy balance of the various human characteristics. Of course there are differences between human persons. These are individual differences. These individual differences can be similar between men and women. They are not based on gender. They can be learned or innate.
There's a current notion that Men are only masculine and females are only feminine. As a result, human wholeness is divided which yields to the whole rubbish "complimentary theory" that states in order for one to be "complete" they have to seek wholeness from members of the opposite sex. This is not true. Masculinity & femininity are not exclusive to just either one of the sexes. We ALL have both feminine and masculine characteristics. The patriarchal society,however, promotes and extols these so called masculine attributes. Qualities considered masculine are valued and assigned to males. Qualities considered feminine are devalued or even held in contempt and assigned to females.
In the patriarchal society masculinity becomes the norm. Even when a woman wants to succeed, she must first be masculinized and made guilty of seeking success outside her domestic role of being a wife and mother.
One cannot critique patriarchy without considering patriarchal religion and the effect such religion has on the oppression of women. Religion cannot be ignored. It seems to be very deep in the human psyche and its effect is widespread in both the individual and in society. Ancient religious men and so called authors of religious books such as the Bible, Quran and Torah created an “omnipotent patriarch” by making God into the male image and by divinizing maleness. Men have also put words into the mouth of God about the supposed inferiority of women. Women have been blamed for causing sin & as a result what did we get? PUNISHMENT!! Our child bearing pain was increased tremendously and we were to be ruled over by men because we ate the forbidden fruit.But what punishment did men get? They were told they would have to toil in order for us to eat.
Supposedly, Eve made Adam eat the fruit. Adam had no will at all to eat the fruit. Absurdity if you ask me. People tend to forget that when "God" told Adam not to eat from the forbidden tree, Eve wasn't even created yet. This whole crazy fruit story carries on today in the form of "women seduce and tempt men into having sexual relations". Women are evil creatures, according to the world. My question is: Why create a tree of "good and evil" in the first place? And if This "tree" bore fruits that were both good & evil, is it safe to conclude God created evil? I'll stop. I'm by no means trying to downplay "God". I just think some of these biblical stories have man made fantasies in them. Humans have created God in their own image and try to make up all sorts of stories about "God's character". Some of which are nonsensical. The authors were something else. When you read the the early chapters of Genesis do you feel like that was fair? you honestly think "an all loving God" would punish Its' creation unfairly? I'll let you battle with that. But there are very many accounts in the Bible, where the male figure was regarded highly yet women, well, they are just women. Being oppressed as usual.
Side note : By the way, Original Hebrew scriptures are quite different from the scriptures we read today. The Bible was edited, revised, some books were omitted, e.t.c. Religious scholars say there were several books in the Bible that were written by women BUT were intentionally left out when the "final Bible draft" was being put together. I strongly believe a lot of religious teachings are very anti-woman. Look at the New Testament, Women weren't even allowed to speak in church or attend church while on their period. The entire Bible is authored by men. Again, I ask, If the authors of the bible were inspired by God, You mean God never spoke to women? That's a whole different discussion for a different day. My point? Seek your own truth and get to know who "God" really is and what that means to you.
To sum up my rant, Feminism is not anti-male. please steer away from that perception. Feminism seeks to bring balance in the community.It can correct the over masculinization of society and end the oppression of women. But it will not do this by making women into men, or for that matter, by making men into women. The male of patriarchy is defective, not the model. We seek to liberate Women and men as well. Men have been crippled by patriarchy but some won't admit it because to them dominating over women is better than seeking equality and balance. I'm not just pro-woman, I'm pro-humans. I want us all to live the best lives we can so we can all edify each other. We need to humanize society & save ourselves from this self-destruction and it's our collective effort and consciousness that will make this possible.
The psychological power of patriarchy is not to be taken lightly. To this day, a majority of the world still believes Women are inferior to men. This system has made women make very few advances in society & explains why the progress of Women's movements has been ridiculously slow and asperous. The frustration of women in such a system has led them to turn against each other. Women competing with each other and putting others down in an effort to gain male approval and survive in a man's world. Why? because from childhood, young girls are taught that they don't deserve love, they have to earn it from men. It's always.."don't do this or that because men don't like women who are this or that". That right there sets the tone that no man will want you for being yourself. You have to subscribe to a certain set of preset standards of "what a woman should be". A Women's worth therefore is based on male approval. Men on the other hand, can practically do whatever they want. After all, they are the "go getters". They don't have to be "found" like women. I'm pretty sure the genesis of many soceital problems is the fact that there is an unfair assignment of gender roles to both sexes. Men are allowed to be socially irresponsible, and "explore" their manhood while at the same time dominating over women, Whereas women are expected to be subservient.
This is where feminism kicks in. As most of you know, I am a feminist. Feminists in general get castigated from both men and women because of this stupid notion that we are hairy legged women who are bitter, don't want to cook or clean and hate men.That, my friends, is batshit.
What is feminism? Webster defines feminism as: “the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” Since men wrote the dictionary it should not be surprising that the definition is lacking an essential element and must be corrected. Feminism is also the theory of the psychological equality of the sexes. True feminism insists on the psychological and social equality of the sexes.
The true feminist view is that human characteristics are not sex oriented or stereotyped by sex. Rather, any human being can develop the qualities that we call human. The development is intrinsic and wholeness is a healthy balance of the various human characteristics. Of course there are differences between human persons. These are individual differences. These individual differences can be similar between men and women. They are not based on gender. They can be learned or innate.
There's a current notion that Men are only masculine and females are only feminine. As a result, human wholeness is divided which yields to the whole rubbish "complimentary theory" that states in order for one to be "complete" they have to seek wholeness from members of the opposite sex. This is not true. Masculinity & femininity are not exclusive to just either one of the sexes. We ALL have both feminine and masculine characteristics. The patriarchal society,however, promotes and extols these so called masculine attributes. Qualities considered masculine are valued and assigned to males. Qualities considered feminine are devalued or even held in contempt and assigned to females.
In the patriarchal society masculinity becomes the norm. Even when a woman wants to succeed, she must first be masculinized and made guilty of seeking success outside her domestic role of being a wife and mother.
One cannot critique patriarchy without considering patriarchal religion and the effect such religion has on the oppression of women. Religion cannot be ignored. It seems to be very deep in the human psyche and its effect is widespread in both the individual and in society. Ancient religious men and so called authors of religious books such as the Bible, Quran and Torah created an “omnipotent patriarch” by making God into the male image and by divinizing maleness. Men have also put words into the mouth of God about the supposed inferiority of women. Women have been blamed for causing sin & as a result what did we get? PUNISHMENT!! Our child bearing pain was increased tremendously and we were to be ruled over by men because we ate the forbidden fruit.But what punishment did men get? They were told they would have to toil in order for us to eat.
Supposedly, Eve made Adam eat the fruit. Adam had no will at all to eat the fruit. Absurdity if you ask me. People tend to forget that when "God" told Adam not to eat from the forbidden tree, Eve wasn't even created yet. This whole crazy fruit story carries on today in the form of "women seduce and tempt men into having sexual relations". Women are evil creatures, according to the world. My question is: Why create a tree of "good and evil" in the first place? And if This "tree" bore fruits that were both good & evil, is it safe to conclude God created evil? I'll stop. I'm by no means trying to downplay "God". I just think some of these biblical stories have man made fantasies in them. Humans have created God in their own image and try to make up all sorts of stories about "God's character". Some of which are nonsensical. The authors were something else. When you read the the early chapters of Genesis do you feel like that was fair? you honestly think "an all loving God" would punish Its' creation unfairly? I'll let you battle with that. But there are very many accounts in the Bible, where the male figure was regarded highly yet women, well, they are just women. Being oppressed as usual.
Side note : By the way, Original Hebrew scriptures are quite different from the scriptures we read today. The Bible was edited, revised, some books were omitted, e.t.c. Religious scholars say there were several books in the Bible that were written by women BUT were intentionally left out when the "final Bible draft" was being put together. I strongly believe a lot of religious teachings are very anti-woman. Look at the New Testament, Women weren't even allowed to speak in church or attend church while on their period. The entire Bible is authored by men. Again, I ask, If the authors of the bible were inspired by God, You mean God never spoke to women? That's a whole different discussion for a different day. My point? Seek your own truth and get to know who "God" really is and what that means to you.
To sum up my rant, Feminism is not anti-male. please steer away from that perception. Feminism seeks to bring balance in the community.It can correct the over masculinization of society and end the oppression of women. But it will not do this by making women into men, or for that matter, by making men into women. The male of patriarchy is defective, not the model. We seek to liberate Women and men as well. Men have been crippled by patriarchy but some won't admit it because to them dominating over women is better than seeking equality and balance. I'm not just pro-woman, I'm pro-humans. I want us all to live the best lives we can so we can all edify each other. We need to humanize society & save ourselves from this self-destruction and it's our collective effort and consciousness that will make this possible.
Jul 18, 2011
The War Between Men and Women
The battle between men and women has been going on for thousands of years. There's a lot of blaming, shaming and hatred between males and females. Everything is so polarized to the point most men and women seem unable to tolerate the paradoxical idea that they can have differing, but equally valid, perspectives on many issues. In their wake, however, instead of a productive social dialogue that enhances understanding between the sexes; more resentment seems to have grown. What I've noticed though, is most of the arguments are about gender roles. " A woman is supposed to......" and "A man is a supposed to.....". The irony of it all is most people don't realize that gender roles are social constructs and are NOT biological. I blame patriarchy for this mess. I am very anti-patriarchal. The sad part is some men and women don't even know what patriarchy is or even if they do, they don't understand it's repercussions because they've been conditioned that patriarchy is normal. Let it marinate before you continue reading.
Here's the deal; the blame game between males and females needs to stop. We will not get anywhere with this. There is a reason that both sexes were created. It doesn't help men when they call women bitches, whores and sluts. If calling women these degrading names was good for them, then guess what? Women would be up there in this social hierarchy. It doesn't help women when they call men dogs, and stupid. How does that even bring about change? We are a culture of compartmentalization; we believe it's ok to call a woman a whore, yet we came from a woman. Most men have this notion that women play a lesser role and they are the weaker sex. And of course patriarchal social constructs instill in us that men are stronger and superior to women. As a result, you have the dominator and the submissive person.
Truth is, both men and women are obsolete without each other. I don't mean this is a romantic manner. I mean in order for society to thrive in a healthy manner, we need communion with each other. If someone asked you what is more important; a plug or a socket, what would you answer? You need both for you to generate energy. How is it that the "weaker" sex was given the duty of child bearing? (One of the most painful events in humanity). What man do you know, has the power to endure 3-7 days of profuse bleeding? Or breast feeding? Women are not "weaker" or "lesser" than men. Women are just different people. When people use "strength" to differentiate males from the opposite sex, they use it in a very biased matrix and context.
What we all need to understand is that both sexes are strong in their own unique way. Just because you as a man, you have testosterone that helps you grow bigger muscles hence giving you the comparative advantage of being physically stronger, doesn't mean women are weaklings. It takes a different and special type of strength to carry a growing human in your body for 9 months, then through pain and turmoil give birth and then go ahead and sustain this child OUTSIDE of your body. It takes a special type of strength to live in a society where you're constantly told you are lesser than. In fact, from a very early age, little girls are taught "how to be a good woman". They are not told they deserve love. No,no.no, They have to EARN IT from men. The Males have to approve us. That's why women have to live up to certain "standards" otherwise they are threatened they will never find a man. While men, on the other hand can do anything and everything and they will still find a wife. See how patriarchy does us?
I just want to emphasize that we are all very important. Men are important. I love and appreciate men. It’s all about teamwork. Women might have given birth to the kids, but guess what? The men inserted those seeds in them and they fertilized it, and carried it. So how can women say “we are more important than men because we give birth"? And why do men feel like they are more important than women that they should dominate over them? People have taken the whole " A man is the head of household" statement and translated it to mean " Well since I'm the man, and I'm the head, I'm boss. You have no rights as a woman, you do what I say." Why are we spending our time trying to rule one another and prove our importance? It takes so much energy ruling yourself, so why would you even think of ruling another person?
No love can come out of dominance and submissiveness. Love doesn't exist in the boundaries of obligation. That's the biggest lie patriarchy has used for ages. Yes, your grandparents might have been married for 80 years but I'll guarantee you that if you talk to your Grandmother(if she's still living) she will tell you she found happiness in her kids, in sewing and knitting But it was never her overly dominating husband. You know what will truly help us? A change of mind and shift in the way we perceive the world. Men and women should be in a partnership with each other. Women should love and take care of their men, and men should do the same for the women in their lives. In a partnership, both sexes are uniquely different but on an equal platform. No one is above the other. If we all don't get it together, then this poisonous cycle will never end. Think about the things you do and say about the opposite sex, and how that affects you and those around you. It's time to change if you haven't yet.
Jun 1, 2011
The Element of Skin color
About a week ago, I stumbled upon this trailer for a documentary that's supposed to be coming out this fall called "dark girls". I posted the link on facebook and twitter but just in case you hadn't seen it, please watch the YouTube trailer above. This video actually reminded of a story in 2007, where there was a light skinned vs. dark skinned party that was supposed to be held in Detroit, Michigan. The flyer actually said "Light skinned ladies get in for free". CNN reported on this, and provided an analytical spin with the obligatory experts in sociology and African American studies. The loud outcry caused the promoters to cancel the event.
This video really broke my heart. I shared it with a couple of Sociology graduate students in the U.K and here in the states and we actually had a panel discussion via Skype. It is quite clear that the black community still wrestles with the idea of skin color and class. I get so annoyed by the fact that we are one race yet we let factors that don't even exist biologically divide us. The sad truth is, color and race are historically intertwined. We all know that light skinned blacks are more favored and treated differently because they are believed to be "prettier" or "better looking". Lighter skinned blacks received more financial support and social privilege.
According to a study that was done in 2006; http://diverseeducation.com/article/6306/ .The color caste system has greatly polarized employment which affects families and friends in our community and it looks like there is no end to this madness. There isn't much we can do to change the historic wrong of colorism in Black America. We, as a group, have been conditioned for years and years to believe that White people and anyone of a lighter skin tone for that matter, are better, smarter, superior and "more human" than we are. That's the reason society tends to condone Eurocentrism. Unless we sit down and completely change the way we think and view each other, this is a lost battle.
To all my good black people out there, you may not change how colorism affects us, however you can choose to not play perpetrator, participant, or victim in this nonsense of our people. Anytime you make comments based on someone's skin color then you are contributing to this crap. Skin color should not deter or encourage you to achieve certain socialite aspirations. If you are lighter skinned, don't expect to automatically receive the keys to certain doors in life. If you are dark, doors shouldn't be slammed in your face because of your hue. It should be an equal opportunities platform.
One of my favorite Dr. Phil quotes is "You train people how to treat you". Carry yourself with elegance, confidence, style, and grace and I PROMISE you the world will treat you differently regardless of whether you're red, blue, green, black or yellow. Being confident does not mean that you have zero insecurities. Insecurities can never be destroyed because they are hardwired into humanity. Confidence is choosing to act in spite of your present insecurities.
I'm not trying to downplay or devalue the pain and wounds that arise from colorism. I think all black people; have encountered some type of racism or colorism. I, for sure, know how that feels. Not only I'm I dark, but I'm a short dark woman with natural hair. Let's not even go there. With that being said, we can never completely silence the oppressing voice of racism and colorism in America. What we can do is amplify our positive beliefs and thoughts. We must hold on to the belief that in spite everything that divides us, we have everything in common because we are all one race, one people.
I wasn't sure how to end this blog post because every single concluding sentence I constructed was riddled with cliché' and was just too uncomfortable to read. With that being said, there’s a new song by Wale ft Chrisette Michelle called "shades". It articulates everything I'd like to write. Please listen to it.
Thanks for taking your time to read my blog.
Love, peace, and joy.
Namaste.
May 19, 2011
Friendships
I've always been the type of person who plays safe when it comes to friendships. I always talk about and emphasize on knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance and eliminating toxic people from our lives. I'm a firm believer in friendship detox, where you ruthlessly avoid and cut contact with people who are not good for anything in your life. Over the years, the word "friend" has taken different meanings to me. The older I grew, the more I understood the term "friend" is actually used in vain. Friendships are relationships. If you are a true friend you will get tired. Why? Because it takes work and effort to be in/maintain a meaningful healthy friendship. My Principle is, friendships are built on the basis of love. Always put your friends first, and they in turn should put you first; ergo, both parties are number one and no one is feeling less important because the union is mutual.
Today, I will talk about what happens when friendships fail and the relationship disintegrates. One of the most devastating experiences that can ever occur to anyone is losing a friend that was once like a sister or brother. Someone you shared your thoughts with and were basically like part of your family. Normally, for whatever reason, it reaches a point where you just drift apart or you get into an argument that causes a big shift in the dynamics of the friendship. It's so heartbreaking because an old friend is now your enemy. Once upon a time, you were like siblings and now you're practically strangers. Ok I now want to share with you the three major lessons I've learned from failed friendships. I haven't had many failed friendships but the very few I've had, including the one that just happened this week, have taught me this:
1. Every single friendship you will have in your life occurs for a reason and for a season. I therefore look back in friendship archives and say; ok we were friends at that time and it was great for however long it lasted. You were meant to be in my life for that season. Whether it’s a month, several months or even years and now your season is over. I then say reminisce on the good before the bad. I look at what role you played in my life at the moment and what lessons you helped me learn. I then conclude your purpose/mission was fulfilled.
2. Forgiveness -When you forgive someone, they lose every power they had over your mind/emotions. You therefore free yourself from their conscience. I won't lie, forgiveness is very hard but what I've learned is we usually harbor a lot of bitterness, anger and resentment towards ourselves AND the friend we're losing. You need to just say, ok this was my best friend and I messed up and so did they so I forgive myself first and then I will extend my forgiveness to them as well. Trust me; it's the most freeing experience ever.
3. When I stop being friends with someone, I Just stop talking to them. No calls, no texts, nothing. In other words, you are just dead to me. However, I’ve learned to be civil. If and when I do see you in public I will acknowledge your presence and wave/hug, ask how you're doing, and go about my way. I choose to act like an adult, because I'm an adult. That person will never be who they were to you. When friendships end, you start seeing that individual differently. It's never the same. Now I want to address the elephant in the room touching itself (me). Everything I've said today is not easy peezy as it sounds. It's a massive, emotionally draining, and heartbreaking process. No, heartbreaks are not only confined to losing a romantic partner. We lose friends for very sickening, weird and silly reasons sometimes but ending particular friendships is one way of living the best version of your life because it frees you from emotional baggage. It will hurt immensely, but life must go on.
May 3, 2011
Guard your goals
Lately, I've really been looking at successful people and people I admire and just try to figure out what is it about them that makes them successful. When I say 'success', I'm not talking about the traditional matrix which always seems to be about money. I'm talking about the type of people they are and the fullness of their life. There is one theme that is common among successful people and that is, they selectively choose who to share their goals and accomplishments with. They speak the least. You will never witness them putting themselves on some type of pedestal or stepping on a soap box and preaching to us about what they're about to do. It is so fascinating to me, because I've seen people on Facebook/twitter just brag about their next big project or I meet people in real life who brag about something they haven't even put together. Often times I come across people who have a vision but no energy. Then there's those with energy but no vision. I rarely meet people with both. They exist but are a rarity. Bragging is akin to masturbating in public. You're entitled to do so, but just remember it's very awkward for people to watch. We're living in a culture where we take comfort in showing off about things that are yet to manifest.
To be fair, I honestly think that people who brag and think they're better than anyone else are not less intelligent, or less talented. It's just that they haven't figured out that not everybody has their best interest at heart. They just get so caught up in the "spreading my dream euphoria" that they forget that not every person wants our dreams to become a reality.I wish they knew that there are some people who when you share a dream/goal with them, they will give you 100 reasons why your goals are unrealistic and will never come true instead of giving you that One supportive, motivational reason to go ahead and pursue your dreams. They want their insecurity to live in us. These people have that crab-in-a barrel mentality. They say "you will never make it" But the minute you "make it" they will turn around and say "I knew you would make it".
One Lesson that I've really learned on a personal level this year is that alongside virtues such diligence, hard work, confidence & humility; Secrecy and being silent is one of the major keys to achieving something. We all have goals in life (I hope so, because if you don't then why are you choosing to exist instead of live?). Whether it's to lose weight, or go natural, or get admitted to your dream college...whatever it is, Everyone has that one thing or many things that they want to do. Since we are currently living in an era of social networking, and advanced technology, we've become accustomed to declaring things that we want to achieve before we even go on the journey of making them happen.
The only people that need to know our goals, dreams, aspirations, e.t.c are people that we are accountable to and they could be family members, close friends, mentors, guardians..blah blah. If you are accountable to them, and your relationship with these people is based on love, honesty and integrity, they care about you and want nothing but the absolute best for you, then THOSE are the ONLY people you ought to open up to about your life journey. Think about it, If your success or failure does not directly impact someone, then why are you wasting your breath telling them about your future plans? Nonsensical. The rest of the people DO NOT need to know what we are doing.
I think we need to go on a "exposing ourselves too much" hiatus. Lets embark on the path of being silent hustlers. Let's perfect our craft first, put in the work and then allow things to manifest. You can't drive a car without fuel. Work on fueling the vessel before you take off. Premature bragging is toxic. The point of this blog is to emphasize that silence and humility are two powerful weapons that a lot of us are not utilizing enough.
Never, ever share you're goals with an average person. for they have sight but no vision. They will drown you in mediocrity.
Thanks for reading.
Peace, Love, joy,
Namaste.
To be fair, I honestly think that people who brag and think they're better than anyone else are not less intelligent, or less talented. It's just that they haven't figured out that not everybody has their best interest at heart. They just get so caught up in the "spreading my dream euphoria" that they forget that not every person wants our dreams to become a reality.I wish they knew that there are some people who when you share a dream/goal with them, they will give you 100 reasons why your goals are unrealistic and will never come true instead of giving you that One supportive, motivational reason to go ahead and pursue your dreams. They want their insecurity to live in us. These people have that crab-in-a barrel mentality. They say "you will never make it" But the minute you "make it" they will turn around and say "I knew you would make it".
One Lesson that I've really learned on a personal level this year is that alongside virtues such diligence, hard work, confidence & humility; Secrecy and being silent is one of the major keys to achieving something. We all have goals in life (I hope so, because if you don't then why are you choosing to exist instead of live?). Whether it's to lose weight, or go natural, or get admitted to your dream college...whatever it is, Everyone has that one thing or many things that they want to do. Since we are currently living in an era of social networking, and advanced technology, we've become accustomed to declaring things that we want to achieve before we even go on the journey of making them happen.
The only people that need to know our goals, dreams, aspirations, e.t.c are people that we are accountable to and they could be family members, close friends, mentors, guardians..blah blah. If you are accountable to them, and your relationship with these people is based on love, honesty and integrity, they care about you and want nothing but the absolute best for you, then THOSE are the ONLY people you ought to open up to about your life journey. Think about it, If your success or failure does not directly impact someone, then why are you wasting your breath telling them about your future plans? Nonsensical. The rest of the people DO NOT need to know what we are doing.
I think we need to go on a "exposing ourselves too much" hiatus. Lets embark on the path of being silent hustlers. Let's perfect our craft first, put in the work and then allow things to manifest. You can't drive a car without fuel. Work on fueling the vessel before you take off. Premature bragging is toxic. The point of this blog is to emphasize that silence and humility are two powerful weapons that a lot of us are not utilizing enough.
Never, ever share you're goals with an average person. for they have sight but no vision. They will drown you in mediocrity.
Thanks for reading.
Peace, Love, joy,
Namaste.
Apr 13, 2011
From my heart to your ears
In my 8 months of blogging, I have never responded to vicious critics. They’re trying to deal with their issues via me and I won’t give them that power. There are three things I hate about blogging and social media in general;
1. Complete and utter strangers thinking they know you and have the right to tell you how wrong you are and what to do.
2. People judging your character solely based on a tweet/blog/status update
3. People thinking I care
Note: If you find yourself judging who I am based on a blog, then you are such a great judge of character. You are right, you know it all, and I am a bad, horrible person. One of those statements is a lie.
I get vicious emails weekly but I never respond. Why? Because those responses say more about them, not me. If you don’t like my blog, then why do you keep coming back to read it. Here’s a golden rule; if You don’t like someone’s blog, don’t subscribe, don’t read it. Just create your own. You have one life, and it is not a rehearsal. Did you know the curtain went up? Do something with your life. Pretty soon you’re going to die. I am not even kidding you. What will people say when you die? You are wasting time criticizing my blog instead of handling your unfinished business. I observe a lot of e-bitching from people who don’t create, but destroy and spectate. What is even more sad is that there are numerous writers, bloggers and musicians who are derailed by unconstructive criticism they read online. The people that should be heard, allow the haters that shouldn’t be heard, steal their spotlight. Very tragic.
Sidenote : I am all open to being criticized, BUT your criticism has to be constructive with logic. That’s all.
Let me just tell all the creative people out there, keep creating. Perfect your craft and let the aimless critics do what they do best. You are a doer, they are talkers. Let’s see who yields what.
And to all the people hiding behind computer screens spreading venom and typing things they would never say to your face in real life; get a therapist. Better yet, seek the Lord.
General rule: Never stop too low to explain yourself to people who are trying to pull you down. They will drown you.
Took me 20 years to realize that human beings are fallible creatures. Pseudo-sociologists/politicians/prophets are ubiquitous. Here’s the deal, Opinions are like armpits, we all have them; informed opinions on the other hand are a rarity. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to perspectives on certain issues. It’s an analysis. You don’t have to agree with my perspective, but see it for what it is. We can disagree with each other’s opinions without it descending to into throwing slurs, personal attacks and ad hominem criticism. Is that too much to ask?
I blog/tweet about things deemed anti-status quo. Not to form a consensus around my opinions but for mutually beneficial e-discussions. I am very much aware that I don't know everything. That's why I love engaging in intellectual debates because I learn so much from other people's perspectives and opinions. For the record, I use sarcasm, irony and humor to discuss about most issues. People are bound to disagree, yes I get that. But at the same time being completely tone deaf to humor is like a death sentence. Problem is some of my blog readers, especially men, think My posts are about them specifically and have decided to label me a misandrist. Truth Is, I am not a man hater. No matter what men do, I still love them too much to truly hate them. That’s just how it is. I might dislike a few because of their ways but I can never dismiss all males and hate them; NEVER. Why? Because, they are not all the same.
Anyways, let step off the soap box. To all the my blog readers who support me. Thanks. To all those who disagree with my perspective and choose to engage in intellectual debates without taking it personal and exchange ideas in a mature healthy manner, you rock! Much love and lots of cyber hugs.
In conclusion, close-minded, conceited people never progress in life because they think they’ve already achieved it all. Also, Life is a journey, and there are many paths to the final destination. Just because someone is using a different path than you, doesn't mean that they are on the wrong path. Simply means, individuality prevails.
I just had to let it out of my (stage 5-bigger-than-Rick Ross titty) chest. *crosses arm over chest and takes a deep breath*
Speaking of Rick Ross, I once had this dream that was so plausible I think it was prophetic. I dreamt that I went to a Rick Ross Birthday party. On my way there, I stopped at victoria's secret to buy him a few bras. (yes the man has titties). I arrived late and he was on stage performing. Can you imagine he did a stage dive? Luckily he landed on Michael Jackson so no one died. After that stage dive, he started making fun of Drake. Drake cried and wet himself. I started laughing, Drake's eyebrows chased me out of the party. While I was running, Nicki minaj joined me, Her booty pads fell off. TRAGIC. Rick Ross, seeing how Drake's eyebrows are about to torture me, he tried getting into his lamborghini to come after me, but he could not fit in. He then took the van, drove by and rescued me from these thick eyebrows. We then conversed, well I spoke to his belly ( I had flat shoes on, the man is TALL).
1. Complete and utter strangers thinking they know you and have the right to tell you how wrong you are and what to do.
2. People judging your character solely based on a tweet/blog/status update
3. People thinking I care
Note: If you find yourself judging who I am based on a blog, then you are such a great judge of character. You are right, you know it all, and I am a bad, horrible person. One of those statements is a lie.
I get vicious emails weekly but I never respond. Why? Because those responses say more about them, not me. If you don’t like my blog, then why do you keep coming back to read it. Here’s a golden rule; if You don’t like someone’s blog, don’t subscribe, don’t read it. Just create your own. You have one life, and it is not a rehearsal. Did you know the curtain went up? Do something with your life. Pretty soon you’re going to die. I am not even kidding you. What will people say when you die? You are wasting time criticizing my blog instead of handling your unfinished business. I observe a lot of e-bitching from people who don’t create, but destroy and spectate. What is even more sad is that there are numerous writers, bloggers and musicians who are derailed by unconstructive criticism they read online. The people that should be heard, allow the haters that shouldn’t be heard, steal their spotlight. Very tragic.
Sidenote : I am all open to being criticized, BUT your criticism has to be constructive with logic. That’s all.
Let me just tell all the creative people out there, keep creating. Perfect your craft and let the aimless critics do what they do best. You are a doer, they are talkers. Let’s see who yields what.
And to all the people hiding behind computer screens spreading venom and typing things they would never say to your face in real life; get a therapist. Better yet, seek the Lord.
General rule: Never stop too low to explain yourself to people who are trying to pull you down. They will drown you.
Took me 20 years to realize that human beings are fallible creatures. Pseudo-sociologists/politicians/prophets are ubiquitous. Here’s the deal, Opinions are like armpits, we all have them; informed opinions on the other hand are a rarity. There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to perspectives on certain issues. It’s an analysis. You don’t have to agree with my perspective, but see it for what it is. We can disagree with each other’s opinions without it descending to into throwing slurs, personal attacks and ad hominem criticism. Is that too much to ask?
I blog/tweet about things deemed anti-status quo. Not to form a consensus around my opinions but for mutually beneficial e-discussions. I am very much aware that I don't know everything. That's why I love engaging in intellectual debates because I learn so much from other people's perspectives and opinions. For the record, I use sarcasm, irony and humor to discuss about most issues. People are bound to disagree, yes I get that. But at the same time being completely tone deaf to humor is like a death sentence. Problem is some of my blog readers, especially men, think My posts are about them specifically and have decided to label me a misandrist. Truth Is, I am not a man hater. No matter what men do, I still love them too much to truly hate them. That’s just how it is. I might dislike a few because of their ways but I can never dismiss all males and hate them; NEVER. Why? Because, they are not all the same.
Anyways, let step off the soap box. To all the my blog readers who support me. Thanks. To all those who disagree with my perspective and choose to engage in intellectual debates without taking it personal and exchange ideas in a mature healthy manner, you rock! Much love and lots of cyber hugs.
In conclusion, close-minded, conceited people never progress in life because they think they’ve already achieved it all. Also, Life is a journey, and there are many paths to the final destination. Just because someone is using a different path than you, doesn't mean that they are on the wrong path. Simply means, individuality prevails.
I just had to let it out of my (stage 5-bigger-than-Rick Ross titty) chest. *crosses arm over chest and takes a deep breath*
Speaking of Rick Ross, I once had this dream that was so plausible I think it was prophetic. I dreamt that I went to a Rick Ross Birthday party. On my way there, I stopped at victoria's secret to buy him a few bras. (yes the man has titties). I arrived late and he was on stage performing. Can you imagine he did a stage dive? Luckily he landed on Michael Jackson so no one died. After that stage dive, he started making fun of Drake. Drake cried and wet himself. I started laughing, Drake's eyebrows chased me out of the party. While I was running, Nicki minaj joined me, Her booty pads fell off. TRAGIC. Rick Ross, seeing how Drake's eyebrows are about to torture me, he tried getting into his lamborghini to come after me, but he could not fit in. He then took the van, drove by and rescued me from these thick eyebrows. We then conversed, well I spoke to his belly ( I had flat shoes on, the man is TALL).
Apr 6, 2011
Affairs and such Matter
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Monogamy : The Condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time OR the state or custom of being married to one person at a time.
I'm not married and never have. But from what I understand, Marriage is a sacred institution where two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, start a family.....yadda yadda. Prior to marriage there's dating, then a relationship, then courting, then engagement then Viola' the beautiful matrimony. One would think that before someone decides to get married they're absolutely sure this "mate" is their one and only right? There is a fine line between "being faithful" and "having an affair". I'm afraid I've seen quite a number of married men do cross border violations. Is it that these Men have no idea about the sanctity of marriage? OR is their wife THAT bad in bed. People cheat for various reasons, I'm very much aware of that. BUT still doesn't make it right. I know Women cheat too but that's for a whole different day.
It saddens me when I hear stories about men who were out there Spending their wives' nursing money on other women. Most of the time these Men won't let the chic know that they're married. Some of them will actually be honest and say they're married but want an exciting sex life because to them fresh coochies are their thing. So basically the sole purpose of their wive's coochie is to store the sperm deposited and carry babies OR fill in the vacancy whenever they haven't gone out there to hunt and prey on younger, tighter coochies. I mean seriously, poor women, now we have an expiry date,and our value depreciates with age. Welcome to Patriarchy.
I had this interesting debate with a friend that said Men should look for women they want to have kids with, and women they want to love. He said One women cannot perform both duties and that We, Women don't have the ability to be Mothers AND turn our men on EVERY SINGLE TIME and keep the fire burning. What I got out of his radical opinion was that this man is an idiot. It might make a lot of sense to many but I was perplexed and irked.
Here's a quote from this pro-polygamist/ promoter of all Man-whore activities :
"Women would be much happier if they accepted that monogamous relationships are abnormal. Polygamy being reinstated as a Western norm would get rid of a lot of social issues. It would probably save the institution of marriage.Put it this way, it’s only looked down upon because of economic modernisation. Monogamy started being promoted, when economic development meant the upkeep of many wives became economically unfeasible. So they started to promote, monogamy as the superior marital arrangement. People now believe that polygamy is backwards because of mind control…. When really if you can afford many wives and mistresses and you love them all equally, what’s the problem? Western snobbery is what prevents people from seeing polygamy as an ideal…."
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.................That's all I got from the statement above. So I then asked him
"So you would be cool with being one of three husbands/ extra-marital partners then? As long as your wife loved all three of you equally and could afford all of you then let's just say Polandry should be legalized and accepted. She could just use one of you as a baby making machine, the other for romance, and the other for strictly wild sex.I'm all about equality"
Then he responded
" Well, I'm speechless. I give up on you. Get your Brilliant ass out of my face."
I laughed so hysterically my ovaries and fallopian tubes did a flip.
Here's the deal. This is what Linda thinks, I might be wrong but hey I stand corrected: Marriage is a legal contract between you, God, The State and your wife. Its a promise. Never underestimate the words "Till death do us part" and "With this ring, I thee wed". If you're not ready for commitment then please stay in the dating world. That's where you belong. The most beautiful thing in the world is when someone chooses to commit themselves solely to one person because they believe that person is so special and worth they're sacrifice. I don't see why anyone would want to share their genitalia with a whole lot of people. My Vagina is like my golden property. I've got to keep the value. I wish all Men and women thought the same way about their sausages and sushis. But oh well, To each, his own. I Don't even like sharing my clothes, so sharing my man?....hahahahahahahhaa*Wendy Williams evil laugh* That's asking more than I could ever handle. *kisses teeth*.
Monogamy = hard work, sanctity, commitment but the outcome is stability, emotional and spritual peace and happiness. (If you are with the right person that you're meant to be with)
Polygamy = VERY STRANGE. Just a fancy word for whore.
But hey, That's just my opinion. What do I know?
Peace, Love, joy,
NAMASTE.
Monogamy : The Condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time OR the state or custom of being married to one person at a time.
I'm not married and never have. But from what I understand, Marriage is a sacred institution where two people decide to spend the rest of their lives together, start a family.....yadda yadda. Prior to marriage there's dating, then a relationship, then courting, then engagement then Viola' the beautiful matrimony. One would think that before someone decides to get married they're absolutely sure this "mate" is their one and only right? There is a fine line between "being faithful" and "having an affair". I'm afraid I've seen quite a number of married men do cross border violations. Is it that these Men have no idea about the sanctity of marriage? OR is their wife THAT bad in bed. People cheat for various reasons, I'm very much aware of that. BUT still doesn't make it right. I know Women cheat too but that's for a whole different day.
It saddens me when I hear stories about men who were out there Spending their wives' nursing money on other women. Most of the time these Men won't let the chic know that they're married. Some of them will actually be honest and say they're married but want an exciting sex life because to them fresh coochies are their thing. So basically the sole purpose of their wive's coochie is to store the sperm deposited and carry babies OR fill in the vacancy whenever they haven't gone out there to hunt and prey on younger, tighter coochies. I mean seriously, poor women, now we have an expiry date,and our value depreciates with age. Welcome to Patriarchy.
I had this interesting debate with a friend that said Men should look for women they want to have kids with, and women they want to love. He said One women cannot perform both duties and that We, Women don't have the ability to be Mothers AND turn our men on EVERY SINGLE TIME and keep the fire burning. What I got out of his radical opinion was that this man is an idiot. It might make a lot of sense to many but I was perplexed and irked.
Here's a quote from this pro-polygamist/ promoter of all Man-whore activities :
"Women would be much happier if they accepted that monogamous relationships are abnormal. Polygamy being reinstated as a Western norm would get rid of a lot of social issues. It would probably save the institution of marriage.Put it this way, it’s only looked down upon because of economic modernisation. Monogamy started being promoted, when economic development meant the upkeep of many wives became economically unfeasible. So they started to promote, monogamy as the superior marital arrangement. People now believe that polygamy is backwards because of mind control…. When really if you can afford many wives and mistresses and you love them all equally, what’s the problem? Western snobbery is what prevents people from seeing polygamy as an ideal…."
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.................That's all I got from the statement above. So I then asked him
"So you would be cool with being one of three husbands/ extra-marital partners then? As long as your wife loved all three of you equally and could afford all of you then let's just say Polandry should be legalized and accepted. She could just use one of you as a baby making machine, the other for romance, and the other for strictly wild sex.I'm all about equality"
Then he responded
" Well, I'm speechless. I give up on you. Get your Brilliant ass out of my face."
I laughed so hysterically my ovaries and fallopian tubes did a flip.
Here's the deal. This is what Linda thinks, I might be wrong but hey I stand corrected: Marriage is a legal contract between you, God, The State and your wife. Its a promise. Never underestimate the words "Till death do us part" and "With this ring, I thee wed". If you're not ready for commitment then please stay in the dating world. That's where you belong. The most beautiful thing in the world is when someone chooses to commit themselves solely to one person because they believe that person is so special and worth they're sacrifice. I don't see why anyone would want to share their genitalia with a whole lot of people. My Vagina is like my golden property. I've got to keep the value. I wish all Men and women thought the same way about their sausages and sushis. But oh well, To each, his own. I Don't even like sharing my clothes, so sharing my man?....hahahahahahahhaa*Wendy Williams evil laugh* That's asking more than I could ever handle. *kisses teeth*.
Monogamy = hard work, sanctity, commitment but the outcome is stability, emotional and spritual peace and happiness. (If you are with the right person that you're meant to be with)
Polygamy = VERY STRANGE. Just a fancy word for whore.
But hey, That's just my opinion. What do I know?
Peace, Love, joy,
NAMASTE.
Mar 31, 2011
Women: you can't change men
As a result of my twitter rants, my personal blog and interacting with other young women; I get lots of calls, text messages, and emails asking for advice about hair care, shopping tips (I'm the queen of coupons, sales and shopping smart), skin care. But the most prevalent questions are about romantic relationship advice. This is quite ironic to me because I'm no relationship expert but I'm still kindly honored and humbled to be approached. As I read these emails/texts or talk to these women, there are quite a few patterns that emerge. I wont go into details, but these are the two most common dilemnas that come to sight:
1. He cheated on me. Should I stay or should I go? I don't want to lose him.
- Now, this question irks me. I have my own personal and sensitive opinions about such matter. I tend to keep my views on cheating and its repercussions to myself because they are so sensitive and its sort of a gray area. I don't know why he cheated and I don't know about the dimensions and history of your relationship. Unless I'm in your shoes I can't really know what you are going through. I've been there, been cheated on and lets just say "they" are in my past.
-The correct answer would be, leave him right? But hey I'm a woman and I know that when a female asks "should I stay or I should I go?" there's a great likelihood that she's going to stay. she just wants me to affirm and piggy back a decision she's already made. Hence, my response to such questions is usually " Follow your heart but also listen to your brain. sometimes what we feel and want isn't always the best for us. Just know your worth."
2. I met this guy (arbitary amount of time) ago and he made it CRYSTAL CLEAR from the get go that he just wants to be friends and is not looking for a relationship.[FLAG]. Fast forward a few months, years, later and he STILL doesn't want a relationship. But then we do everything as a couple, I'm practically and technically his girlfriend but he has completely refused to give me the title of "girlfriend". What should I do Linda? How can I CHANGE him and make him realize that I am what he needs and I'm his best option?
-*sigh* First of all, there's nothing like "practical and technical couples". You're either together, or you're not. And also, "sideline chics" is a myth. Toss it out your vocabulary. You either matter to him or you don't. He might have multiple girlfriends but only ONE of them matters. The rest are just members of his ego building society.
In terms of what you should do, its simple. YOU want a relationship, HE doesn't. MISMATCH. Now its different if he didn't make it apparent from the beggining about what he wants. BUT if he clearly uttered the words "I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP" from day 1, then there is nothing you can do but move on. Let's stop pretending and be crude in our analysis here....go your separate ways. There's nothing complicated or deep about this situation. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
The whole "how do I change him?" question really frustrates me because I've been there. In fact, I don't know a woman over the age of 18 who hasn't been in this " I want to change a guy" situation.
Let me just put this out there for the the whole universe to know: Dear Women and any other female species or neanderthals out there, Listen carefully; WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN. Say it with me, " WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN." You could be extremely beautiful, Intelligent, poised, elegant, brilliant, rich, exciting, a resident of another planet;YOU STILL CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. No human being has the innate capacity and ability to change another human. Stop trying. A lot of very beautiful women think their beauty is enough to trap a guy. Physical beauty does nothing but attract men towards you. It has no power to sustain a meaningful relationship. Using all your secret weapons like sex, money, great clothes, breast implants, booty pads, TRAPPIN HIM WITH CHILD, crying and begging (this is truly blackmail and lowers your value. Men do not like being begged. The more you beg, the further away you push him) will still not work.
If you want to be an agent of change then go learn how to change a tire, or run for public office. You will be more sucessful at it.
If somebody, especially a man, has decided that they're going to live certain way, do certain things and be with certain people; NOTHING you can do can deter them from their decision. What you're basically doing is insulting yourself, insulting him and disrespecting his individuality.
So here's my 2 cents opinion, and it goes for both Men and Women : The most you can do is catalyze a change. That means either the change was already going to occur and you came along, OR you inspired them to personally convict their inner self into changing. You cannot cause change. Stop trying to manipulate these men. Let them be. We are the ones getting miserable. The men are quite happy, if anything, I'm sure they sit at a bar somewhere and laugh at our useless efforts of trying to change them so they are getting what they want. You on the other hand are not getting what you want and you're spending time crying, listening to feminist songs and calling your girlfriends to whine about how he's a dog. You Probably have Beyonce's "to the left" on replay.
In conclusion, If you find a man who you think needs to be revamped;Stop. Like I said, you can't change him. Find a guy who actually has the qualities you are looking for. And also, stop getting hung on the "finished product guy". He might not be where he should be but he has the potential to get there. ITS ALL ABOUT POTENTIAL MY GIRLS.
P.S : some of the best relationships emerge from great friendships. Take it slow. That's all I have for now.
1. He cheated on me. Should I stay or should I go? I don't want to lose him.
- Now, this question irks me. I have my own personal and sensitive opinions about such matter. I tend to keep my views on cheating and its repercussions to myself because they are so sensitive and its sort of a gray area. I don't know why he cheated and I don't know about the dimensions and history of your relationship. Unless I'm in your shoes I can't really know what you are going through. I've been there, been cheated on and lets just say "they" are in my past.
-The correct answer would be, leave him right? But hey I'm a woman and I know that when a female asks "should I stay or I should I go?" there's a great likelihood that she's going to stay. she just wants me to affirm and piggy back a decision she's already made. Hence, my response to such questions is usually " Follow your heart but also listen to your brain. sometimes what we feel and want isn't always the best for us. Just know your worth."
2. I met this guy (arbitary amount of time) ago and he made it CRYSTAL CLEAR from the get go that he just wants to be friends and is not looking for a relationship.[FLAG]. Fast forward a few months, years, later and he STILL doesn't want a relationship. But then we do everything as a couple, I'm practically and technically his girlfriend but he has completely refused to give me the title of "girlfriend". What should I do Linda? How can I CHANGE him and make him realize that I am what he needs and I'm his best option?
-*sigh* First of all, there's nothing like "practical and technical couples". You're either together, or you're not. And also, "sideline chics" is a myth. Toss it out your vocabulary. You either matter to him or you don't. He might have multiple girlfriends but only ONE of them matters. The rest are just members of his ego building society.
In terms of what you should do, its simple. YOU want a relationship, HE doesn't. MISMATCH. Now its different if he didn't make it apparent from the beggining about what he wants. BUT if he clearly uttered the words "I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP" from day 1, then there is nothing you can do but move on. Let's stop pretending and be crude in our analysis here....go your separate ways. There's nothing complicated or deep about this situation. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
The whole "how do I change him?" question really frustrates me because I've been there. In fact, I don't know a woman over the age of 18 who hasn't been in this " I want to change a guy" situation.
Let me just put this out there for the the whole universe to know: Dear Women and any other female species or neanderthals out there, Listen carefully; WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN. Say it with me, " WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN." You could be extremely beautiful, Intelligent, poised, elegant, brilliant, rich, exciting, a resident of another planet;YOU STILL CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. No human being has the innate capacity and ability to change another human. Stop trying. A lot of very beautiful women think their beauty is enough to trap a guy. Physical beauty does nothing but attract men towards you. It has no power to sustain a meaningful relationship. Using all your secret weapons like sex, money, great clothes, breast implants, booty pads, TRAPPIN HIM WITH CHILD, crying and begging (this is truly blackmail and lowers your value. Men do not like being begged. The more you beg, the further away you push him) will still not work.
If you want to be an agent of change then go learn how to change a tire, or run for public office. You will be more sucessful at it.
If somebody, especially a man, has decided that they're going to live certain way, do certain things and be with certain people; NOTHING you can do can deter them from their decision. What you're basically doing is insulting yourself, insulting him and disrespecting his individuality.
So here's my 2 cents opinion, and it goes for both Men and Women : The most you can do is catalyze a change. That means either the change was already going to occur and you came along, OR you inspired them to personally convict their inner self into changing. You cannot cause change. Stop trying to manipulate these men. Let them be. We are the ones getting miserable. The men are quite happy, if anything, I'm sure they sit at a bar somewhere and laugh at our useless efforts of trying to change them so they are getting what they want. You on the other hand are not getting what you want and you're spending time crying, listening to feminist songs and calling your girlfriends to whine about how he's a dog. You Probably have Beyonce's "to the left" on replay.
In conclusion, If you find a man who you think needs to be revamped;Stop. Like I said, you can't change him. Find a guy who actually has the qualities you are looking for. And also, stop getting hung on the "finished product guy". He might not be where he should be but he has the potential to get there. ITS ALL ABOUT POTENTIAL MY GIRLS.
P.S : some of the best relationships emerge from great friendships. Take it slow. That's all I have for now.
Mar 29, 2011
My flawed glory
Greetings. As a result of never really introducing myself to my subscribers, I've been getting emails saying " tell me more about yourself." Here's the deal, self introductions are slightly pointless. Human nature dictates that I will either over/under sell myself. But since I love you all immensely, I'll just give in to this pseudo positive request. And now time to glorify myself:
Linda is my name but my friends mostly call me Lynn or Maserati. I'm living proof that you can bleed for 5 days and still not die. Born and raised in Kenya. No, Obama is not my uncle BUT we have a lot in common. My Dad is actually Luo,same tribe Obama's Dad hails from. So technically, Obama is my cousin. See, Told you he wasn't my uncle.
If you have no idea about what Kenyans are all about just know we are the people who act like Jesus took Chapati and Kenyan tea at the last supper and said "do this in my rememberance." We are the holy grain of entertainment though. Don't believe me? that's fine. I'm a Biology major/chemistry minor who's aspiring to be a legal drug dealer, pseudo healer & executive nerd. Let's have a toast for all the science freaks.* pours α-D-glucopyranosyl-(1,2)- β-D-fructofuranoside* CHEERS. I tend to envy me, myself & I. Those three women are my best friends. I feel sorry for the lady at the nail shop that does my pedicure because my feet look like I went on an exodus through the desert with the children of Israel. In other words I'm a glorified neantherdal. Many humans claim I'm fun to be around. The story of Adam & Eve makes me angry.When I get to Heaven, I will rip that lace front wig off of Eve's head and slap her. She should have never eaten the fruit. As for Adam, I will kick his balls.
I'm completely and utterly in love with my family. How so much virtue can dwell within these people I'll never know. My parents are my all and my siblings are my heartbeat. Since My mom and Dad aren't from the same tribe, I'm therefore Mixed. Yep Bi-racial. Wait, What? Nonsensical. I'm Bi-tribal, not bi-racial. Apologies, English is my 42nd language. I have 3 sisters, 1 brother and a niece. I have many Uncles and Aunties and an infinity number of cousins. This is not hyperbole, its the truth.
sidenote: When I was a kid, I was vile. my teeth looked like weapons of mass destruction. My mom still took me places. That's love.It all changed when I turned 10. Jesus gave me a makeover.
I despise adulthood ; It is basically childhood + taxes. I Sent an application to my childhood requesting to be taken back but I was rejected. *shrugs*
I don't have a megalomaniac mind, I just have an intense passion for the finer things in life. The gulf between my income and my needs and wants is so wide, it's not even funny. My taste is luxury but my pockets are economy. Split open an African woman and she'll bleed glamour. This has convinced me that shopping is actually in my genotype.My weaknesses (certain types of food, clothes shoes, jewelry and purses) are a recipe for obesity and debt. Allow me to elaborte on this:
When I'm sad, I shop. When I'm angry, I shop. Pensive, I shop. Menstruating, I shop. Whatever my emotional/physical state its condusive to shopping. Sometimes shopping involves me randomly putting items in a cart, then emptying it, and going home. This is usually when my account is infested with many zeros. When I do actually shop, I move the decimal point to the left. For instance, $38 becomes $3.80. You should try it, it will make you feel better. Sartorial masturbation is amazing. I absolutely love shoe porn (the art of shopping for shoes you perverts).Since I haven't used my womb, my shoes are like my children. When I can't sleep at night, I count shoes, not sheep. The fact that shopping restores a balance in my spirit yet causes a great imbalance in my bank account is one of the evil ironies of life.
Food is like my cocaine. Good food is very seductive. Cake, chin chin, chocolate, french fries, e.t.c always do a striptease for me. My mouth gets horny and gives in to this sinful act. An explosion of flavors in my mouth usually leads to one epic mouthgasm. Bliss.com. My favorite globalized dessert is fried plantain, and ice cream sprinkled with chin chin. Ergo, grocery stores and restaurants are glorified strip clubs for our mouth and stomachs. Don't worry, I'm actually cooler than you think.
Sidenote: When a girl listens to Jeremih's "put it down" she evokes her inner black ghetto moves. Especially when 50 cents says 'get it, get it, work it, work it" she shakes her butt like a salt shaker. FIREWORKS!!! GBOSA!! just me? ok cool. coooool. Just me.
Now more serious stuff, I speak seven languages: English, Swahili, Luhya, Sheng, Sarcasm, Irony & humor.
My blackberry is a woman by the name of Rantolaniqua. She loves to be fondled, has attitude like a witch & Knows all my secrets.
I tend to see value in people for who they are, not where they're from nor the color of their skin. I love spreading love and informed opinions. Still a 20 something trying to find her niche' in urban dystopia. I believe in a supreme being called God. I love church. Only problem is I often wear 6-inch heels to worship, hence I leave the altar spiritually healed but needing more physical healing than I came in. Oh the Irony.I enjoying writing, running, kickboxing, inspiring others, cooking, reading and uuhhmm...MUSIC. I love giving and I have a GREAT passion for charity work, especially if it benefits children from low income families. I've ran 3 half marathons (13.1 miles each) and I only run to benefit charity organizations.
Confession: I believe there's a fence between deep prayer & sleeping. I'm afraid I've made few cross border violations more than once in church. I hope this doesn't jeopardize my salvation.
Five major rules I live by
1. The only expectations you have to fulfill are those you've set for yourself. The Only gateway to success is to invest in your mind. The brain is indeed a powerful organ. Without it, we are essentially vapid creatures.
2. Be the best version of yourself. Authenticity is sexy. Faux modesty on the other hand is an ogress.
at the end of it all, humans are fallible creatures.
3. As a woman, I refuse to conform to society's misogynistic stereotype of what a woman should be. I have my own mind. I'm not a doll, nor a toy. I'm a complex, flawed human being who strives for excellence each day. Not perfect and never will be.
4. Pretend idiots are invisible. Never listen to anyone who graduated from the university of stating the obvious and oblivious.
5.Treat people the same way you want to be treated.
Someone would conclude I'm symptomatic of a generation who's discontent and captivated by the capitalism spell. Nope, I'm just fine. If you're finding yourself judging me, please dont. I already judge myself.
Words of wisdom : Every breath we take brings us closer to death. Macabre but true. Hence stop making everyone happy. its impossible. Focus on God and his purpose for your life. Be a positive influence to those around you and pursue your passion relentlelessly.
In conclusion, I am far from perfect, In fact I can be a curmudgeon. But I'm in the process of eradicating pessism, relinquishing fear & and embracing change. Optimism is indeed beautiful.
P.S. I'm not the result of a broken condom. I was purposely bred. (LMAO). Anyways, I beseech you all eat cake, brush your teeth three times a day and get waxed. Those are beautiful tips I just gave you. Drake (thank) me later. As I write, I'm craving for guavas.
Linda is my name but my friends mostly call me Lynn or Maserati. I'm living proof that you can bleed for 5 days and still not die. Born and raised in Kenya. No, Obama is not my uncle BUT we have a lot in common. My Dad is actually Luo,same tribe Obama's Dad hails from. So technically, Obama is my cousin. See, Told you he wasn't my uncle.
If you have no idea about what Kenyans are all about just know we are the people who act like Jesus took Chapati and Kenyan tea at the last supper and said "do this in my rememberance." We are the holy grain of entertainment though. Don't believe me? that's fine. I'm a Biology major/chemistry minor who's aspiring to be a legal drug dealer, pseudo healer & executive nerd. Let's have a toast for all the science freaks.* pours α-D-glucopyranosyl-(1,2)- β-D-fructofuranoside* CHEERS. I tend to envy me, myself & I. Those three women are my best friends. I feel sorry for the lady at the nail shop that does my pedicure because my feet look like I went on an exodus through the desert with the children of Israel. In other words I'm a glorified neantherdal. Many humans claim I'm fun to be around. The story of Adam & Eve makes me angry.When I get to Heaven, I will rip that lace front wig off of Eve's head and slap her. She should have never eaten the fruit. As for Adam, I will kick his balls.
I'm completely and utterly in love with my family. How so much virtue can dwell within these people I'll never know. My parents are my all and my siblings are my heartbeat. Since My mom and Dad aren't from the same tribe, I'm therefore Mixed. Yep Bi-racial. Wait, What? Nonsensical. I'm Bi-tribal, not bi-racial. Apologies, English is my 42nd language. I have 3 sisters, 1 brother and a niece. I have many Uncles and Aunties and an infinity number of cousins. This is not hyperbole, its the truth.
sidenote: When I was a kid, I was vile. my teeth looked like weapons of mass destruction. My mom still took me places. That's love.It all changed when I turned 10. Jesus gave me a makeover.
I despise adulthood ; It is basically childhood + taxes. I Sent an application to my childhood requesting to be taken back but I was rejected. *shrugs*
I don't have a megalomaniac mind, I just have an intense passion for the finer things in life. The gulf between my income and my needs and wants is so wide, it's not even funny. My taste is luxury but my pockets are economy. Split open an African woman and she'll bleed glamour. This has convinced me that shopping is actually in my genotype.My weaknesses (certain types of food, clothes shoes, jewelry and purses) are a recipe for obesity and debt. Allow me to elaborte on this:
When I'm sad, I shop. When I'm angry, I shop. Pensive, I shop. Menstruating, I shop. Whatever my emotional/physical state its condusive to shopping. Sometimes shopping involves me randomly putting items in a cart, then emptying it, and going home. This is usually when my account is infested with many zeros. When I do actually shop, I move the decimal point to the left. For instance, $38 becomes $3.80. You should try it, it will make you feel better. Sartorial masturbation is amazing. I absolutely love shoe porn (the art of shopping for shoes you perverts).Since I haven't used my womb, my shoes are like my children. When I can't sleep at night, I count shoes, not sheep. The fact that shopping restores a balance in my spirit yet causes a great imbalance in my bank account is one of the evil ironies of life.
Food is like my cocaine. Good food is very seductive. Cake, chin chin, chocolate, french fries, e.t.c always do a striptease for me. My mouth gets horny and gives in to this sinful act. An explosion of flavors in my mouth usually leads to one epic mouthgasm. Bliss.com. My favorite globalized dessert is fried plantain, and ice cream sprinkled with chin chin. Ergo, grocery stores and restaurants are glorified strip clubs for our mouth and stomachs. Don't worry, I'm actually cooler than you think.
Sidenote: When a girl listens to Jeremih's "put it down" she evokes her inner black ghetto moves. Especially when 50 cents says 'get it, get it, work it, work it" she shakes her butt like a salt shaker. FIREWORKS!!! GBOSA!! just me? ok cool. coooool. Just me.
Now more serious stuff, I speak seven languages: English, Swahili, Luhya, Sheng, Sarcasm, Irony & humor.
My blackberry is a woman by the name of Rantolaniqua. She loves to be fondled, has attitude like a witch & Knows all my secrets.
I tend to see value in people for who they are, not where they're from nor the color of their skin. I love spreading love and informed opinions. Still a 20 something trying to find her niche' in urban dystopia. I believe in a supreme being called God. I love church. Only problem is I often wear 6-inch heels to worship, hence I leave the altar spiritually healed but needing more physical healing than I came in. Oh the Irony.I enjoying writing, running, kickboxing, inspiring others, cooking, reading and uuhhmm...MUSIC. I love giving and I have a GREAT passion for charity work, especially if it benefits children from low income families. I've ran 3 half marathons (13.1 miles each) and I only run to benefit charity organizations.
Confession: I believe there's a fence between deep prayer & sleeping. I'm afraid I've made few cross border violations more than once in church. I hope this doesn't jeopardize my salvation.
Five major rules I live by
1. The only expectations you have to fulfill are those you've set for yourself. The Only gateway to success is to invest in your mind. The brain is indeed a powerful organ. Without it, we are essentially vapid creatures.
2. Be the best version of yourself. Authenticity is sexy. Faux modesty on the other hand is an ogress.
at the end of it all, humans are fallible creatures.
3. As a woman, I refuse to conform to society's misogynistic stereotype of what a woman should be. I have my own mind. I'm not a doll, nor a toy. I'm a complex, flawed human being who strives for excellence each day. Not perfect and never will be.
4. Pretend idiots are invisible. Never listen to anyone who graduated from the university of stating the obvious and oblivious.
5.Treat people the same way you want to be treated.
Someone would conclude I'm symptomatic of a generation who's discontent and captivated by the capitalism spell. Nope, I'm just fine. If you're finding yourself judging me, please dont. I already judge myself.
Words of wisdom : Every breath we take brings us closer to death. Macabre but true. Hence stop making everyone happy. its impossible. Focus on God and his purpose for your life. Be a positive influence to those around you and pursue your passion relentlelessly.
In conclusion, I am far from perfect, In fact I can be a curmudgeon. But I'm in the process of eradicating pessism, relinquishing fear & and embracing change. Optimism is indeed beautiful.
P.S. I'm not the result of a broken condom. I was purposely bred. (LMAO). Anyways, I beseech you all eat cake, brush your teeth three times a day and get waxed. Those are beautiful tips I just gave you. Drake (thank) me later. As I write, I'm craving for guavas.
Mar 21, 2011
Social Networking & Dating
Before I start today's blog post...
1. I just finally learned how to do the Douglas dance. Remember the song, teach me how to Douglas by Cali swag district? yeah that. I insist on calling it "the Douglas" instead of the the "the dougie". It psychologically makes me feel like I'm engaging in less coonery. Ergo, My inner black girl ghetto dance moves don't come to life.
2. I was reading the 'top ten ways to make money in 2011' list and number 7 said donate sperm; I feel so left out. Is this life? This is proof that top ten lists are nothing to take seriously. The criteria are biased and arbitrary.
And now today's post:
Once upon a time, we went out to the social networking world to 'connect' and 'interact' but now we spent 90% of our time posing for pictures on facebook and eagerly waiting to write on walls. Twitter on the other hand, is just a miniature school playground; same politics, same cliques, same herd mentality. Hence, Adulthood is just Childhood+taxes. There so many positive and negative aspects of social media. I really cannot go into detail because that would mean writing a whole novel. But are we exposing ourselves too much? Since the whole point is to connect with others, do we feel like we owe the world EVERYTHING we do? And how does this affect our dating lives? Yes, yes, these are rhetorical questions. Relax.
Ever since I started blogging, the phrase "please don't blog about this" is what I'm most likely to hear at the end of any social gathering or hangout. Some of my friends will tell me about their dates then turn around and say please don’t blog about this.. My response is always, "Ok, do you really think that your life is so interesting that I would blog about it?" History has proven that the world really doesn't care and my blog is not about YOUR life. There are some instances where I've gotten requests to blog about someone's experience and I will do it simply because it’s a great, meaningful life lesson that we could all learn from. But I will never ever waste my time to blog about someone's drunken adventure or tweet/update my status about personal details of someone I'm dating. That is clearly insane.
The "please don't blog about this" request has got me thinking how social media affects our lives ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating and relationships. The same people who request not to be blogged about are the same exact people who will tweet/update their status talking about how wasted they got or how hot they looked the previous night that they skipped stripping and went straight to foreplay with their one night one stand. The contradiction is so overwhelming my womb just shrunk.
Here's the deal, social media is a recent phenomena that has quickened the way we access and broadcast information. Since the whole point of social networking is to 'connect' with the world; we are starting to behave in a way that mimics genuine connection to the point we believe our ties are authentic, when in reality they are deceptive. People are confusing interactions with connections. Our interactions create weak ties but we are not developing real bonds to make a connection with the same people we interact with. I hear lots of complains about how Social media has transformed who we are and how we live. To some extent, that might be true, but I strongly believe social media has simply revealed who we have always been and has given us a stage to perform in our flawed glory. Ergo, social networking has extremely exposed us and most of us sign on to this exposure voluntarily. How about the people who get exposed involuntarily? I have seen people live tweet while on a date or update their status talking about how boring their date is. Most of the time, there is no malicious intent behind these tweets/status updates. Some dates are truly crap and you just feel like blurting it out but no matter how disastrous your date is, they really didn’t sign up to be publicly scrutinized and ridiculed. And truly speaking, does the world really care that the chic you took out to lunch chews with her mouth open? Or the guy smells like fish? And who really gives a crap about your intimate sexual encounters? Why? WHY? do you have to put that up on facebook or twitter?
I once read a note on facebook where a young woman wrote about her ex and how he’d cheated and lied and all that stuff. We know how it goes. She then went ahead and posted pictures of her ex and this new “fling” because she had apparently stalked him once she suspected her man was unfaithful. She followed him around, taking pictures while they were on dates, blah blah. She went ahead and gave really embarrassing details about their relationship. I guess this was her way of bringing him down and making the world really hate him for what he did to her. On the basis of the content of this note, I concluded maybe this guy was really created to be given up as a human sacrifice. It was obvious the woman found this post to be therapeutic and empowering. In my opinion, no matter how useless her ex was the absurdity and one sidedness of the post and the addition of pictures made that note a tad bit slanderous. Then she went ahead and tagged people in this note. Oh my, Jesus wept.
Trying to decide what you can or can't say about your love/private life on social platforms is a little too extreme. There is no internet police and it’s a matter of complete freedom where we can say what we want. However, what should we say? That’s a tricky territory and it’s totally up to you. I have read a plethora of status updates and tweets, especially from women complaining about their relationships. In fact, complaining and whining about your relationship problems and giving personal details about your drama is a great recipe to totally ruin and end your relationship. It’s a one way ticket to breakupville. Don't believe me? That’s fine. Try it. See how that goes.
So, what’s the solution? Do we just gag ourselves? No. Self-censorship in an attempt to being sensitive to others is overrated. It actually stifles creativity and individuality. It would also make the internet a really boring venue. However, we should be careful, not because you might write about your crazy ex and he turns up at your door naked with a whip and a box of chocolate and deviled eggs.( not like it’s a fantasy of mine or anything…) but simply because though we are young now, one day we will be old. And on that wretched day, when; we're able to tie our saggy breasts around our necks, and unwillingly wet our diapers, we may wish we hadn't publicly chronicled so much about our love lives. That’s the day we will sip on prune juice all constipated and say "it really wasn't worth it”. Hence, next time, someone tells me "please don't blog about this"....I will just respond..."cool". But if they turn around and publicly play journalist of their private lives, I will just comment and say "BANANAS".
Side note: When I'm old and wrinkly and in need of plastic surgery, I will just Google pictures of Joan Rivers and YouTube clips of the real housewives of New Jersey to scare myself. Those women look like.....never mind. You get the point.
Love, peace, joy.
NAMASTE
1. I just finally learned how to do the Douglas dance. Remember the song, teach me how to Douglas by Cali swag district? yeah that. I insist on calling it "the Douglas" instead of the the "the dougie". It psychologically makes me feel like I'm engaging in less coonery. Ergo, My inner black girl ghetto dance moves don't come to life.
2. I was reading the 'top ten ways to make money in 2011' list and number 7 said donate sperm; I feel so left out. Is this life? This is proof that top ten lists are nothing to take seriously. The criteria are biased and arbitrary.
And now today's post:
Once upon a time, we went out to the social networking world to 'connect' and 'interact' but now we spent 90% of our time posing for pictures on facebook and eagerly waiting to write on walls. Twitter on the other hand, is just a miniature school playground; same politics, same cliques, same herd mentality. Hence, Adulthood is just Childhood+taxes. There so many positive and negative aspects of social media. I really cannot go into detail because that would mean writing a whole novel. But are we exposing ourselves too much? Since the whole point is to connect with others, do we feel like we owe the world EVERYTHING we do? And how does this affect our dating lives? Yes, yes, these are rhetorical questions. Relax.
Ever since I started blogging, the phrase "please don't blog about this" is what I'm most likely to hear at the end of any social gathering or hangout. Some of my friends will tell me about their dates then turn around and say please don’t blog about this.. My response is always, "Ok, do you really think that your life is so interesting that I would blog about it?" History has proven that the world really doesn't care and my blog is not about YOUR life. There are some instances where I've gotten requests to blog about someone's experience and I will do it simply because it’s a great, meaningful life lesson that we could all learn from. But I will never ever waste my time to blog about someone's drunken adventure or tweet/update my status about personal details of someone I'm dating. That is clearly insane.
The "please don't blog about this" request has got me thinking how social media affects our lives ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating and relationships. The same people who request not to be blogged about are the same exact people who will tweet/update their status talking about how wasted they got or how hot they looked the previous night that they skipped stripping and went straight to foreplay with their one night one stand. The contradiction is so overwhelming my womb just shrunk.
Here's the deal, social media is a recent phenomena that has quickened the way we access and broadcast information. Since the whole point of social networking is to 'connect' with the world; we are starting to behave in a way that mimics genuine connection to the point we believe our ties are authentic, when in reality they are deceptive. People are confusing interactions with connections. Our interactions create weak ties but we are not developing real bonds to make a connection with the same people we interact with. I hear lots of complains about how Social media has transformed who we are and how we live. To some extent, that might be true, but I strongly believe social media has simply revealed who we have always been and has given us a stage to perform in our flawed glory. Ergo, social networking has extremely exposed us and most of us sign on to this exposure voluntarily. How about the people who get exposed involuntarily? I have seen people live tweet while on a date or update their status talking about how boring their date is. Most of the time, there is no malicious intent behind these tweets/status updates. Some dates are truly crap and you just feel like blurting it out but no matter how disastrous your date is, they really didn’t sign up to be publicly scrutinized and ridiculed. And truly speaking, does the world really care that the chic you took out to lunch chews with her mouth open? Or the guy smells like fish? And who really gives a crap about your intimate sexual encounters? Why? WHY? do you have to put that up on facebook or twitter?
I once read a note on facebook where a young woman wrote about her ex and how he’d cheated and lied and all that stuff. We know how it goes. She then went ahead and posted pictures of her ex and this new “fling” because she had apparently stalked him once she suspected her man was unfaithful. She followed him around, taking pictures while they were on dates, blah blah. She went ahead and gave really embarrassing details about their relationship. I guess this was her way of bringing him down and making the world really hate him for what he did to her. On the basis of the content of this note, I concluded maybe this guy was really created to be given up as a human sacrifice. It was obvious the woman found this post to be therapeutic and empowering. In my opinion, no matter how useless her ex was the absurdity and one sidedness of the post and the addition of pictures made that note a tad bit slanderous. Then she went ahead and tagged people in this note. Oh my, Jesus wept.
Trying to decide what you can or can't say about your love/private life on social platforms is a little too extreme. There is no internet police and it’s a matter of complete freedom where we can say what we want. However, what should we say? That’s a tricky territory and it’s totally up to you. I have read a plethora of status updates and tweets, especially from women complaining about their relationships. In fact, complaining and whining about your relationship problems and giving personal details about your drama is a great recipe to totally ruin and end your relationship. It’s a one way ticket to breakupville. Don't believe me? That’s fine. Try it. See how that goes.
So, what’s the solution? Do we just gag ourselves? No. Self-censorship in an attempt to being sensitive to others is overrated. It actually stifles creativity and individuality. It would also make the internet a really boring venue. However, we should be careful, not because you might write about your crazy ex and he turns up at your door naked with a whip and a box of chocolate and deviled eggs.( not like it’s a fantasy of mine or anything…) but simply because though we are young now, one day we will be old. And on that wretched day, when; we're able to tie our saggy breasts around our necks, and unwillingly wet our diapers, we may wish we hadn't publicly chronicled so much about our love lives. That’s the day we will sip on prune juice all constipated and say "it really wasn't worth it”. Hence, next time, someone tells me "please don't blog about this"....I will just respond..."cool". But if they turn around and publicly play journalist of their private lives, I will just comment and say "BANANAS".
Side note: When I'm old and wrinkly and in need of plastic surgery, I will just Google pictures of Joan Rivers and YouTube clips of the real housewives of New Jersey to scare myself. Those women look like.....never mind. You get the point.
Love, peace, joy.
NAMASTE
Mar 4, 2011
Stop chasing after relationships
Happy Friday everyone!!
A friend called me last night night needing advice and after I adviced her on the issue she told me "Oh my gosh! you should totally blog about this."
This girl called me crying saying her boyfriend had dumped her again. This wasn't the first time...This man constantly dumps her every single time they have an argument or a minor disagreement. He always ridicules how she looks, calls her a fat pig, ugly...all sorts of insults. Oh the most absurd part is he 'punishes' and physically abuses her. I found the punishment part quite amusing (not in a hahahaha kind of way) because I never knew boyfriends were appointed to play the father role as well. Anyways, I let her speak and pour her heart out for like a good one hour and I finally asked her "ok so what advice do you need?" Her answer was " I need you to tell me how to get him back. I love him so much I cannot afford to lose him". My jaw literally dropped. I was like this is BANANAS!!! This man is the worst, most draconian person possible; I wouldn't even let him babysit my little sister's doll. If he was a website, he would be a waste of skin and brain.com.
So I told her listen; growing up, I was constantly told " Linda, you are special and there is no one out there like you." My grandparents instilled this sense of confidence in me and told me you should love yourself first because there is no way on earth you can give or receive love if you don't grasp the concept of self worth and appreciation. I told her to let go. He is not even worth all the pain. This guy doesnt even deserve a blow up doll. He clearly has no ounce of love for you. What you're basically doing is saying here, I know you could care less about me but I still want to be with you anyway. That's like getting fired but still showing up to work faithfully, yet you not getting paid. Move on, it won't be easy but it will save you from a whole lot of emotional turmoil.
Quick side note to my lovely ladies : There's no delicate way to put this so I will just blurt it out : Staying in an abusive relationship doesn't even come close to unconditional love; ITS STUPID! When a guy has clearly indicated he doesn't want you, doesn't respect you as a person, and constantly assasinates your self-esteem....RUN. NO actually scratch that, don't run, SPRINT! You have to say to yourself, I deserve the best and I am special. And I am not telling you to be embrace this b*tchy egostistcal , kanye west megalomaniac attitude; all I'm saying is have this quiet, humble self confidence and set boundaries. Know when to make it work, and when to call it quits. My policy is abuse has no room in my world. And there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to abuse; whether is verbal, emotional or physical. NO man or woman should be abused. THE END.
Relationships are NEVER a walk in in the park, but they are only worth the effort and fight if you are with the right partner. Obama and Michelle were not built in a day.
Have a blessed weekend earthlings!!
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
A friend called me last night night needing advice and after I adviced her on the issue she told me "Oh my gosh! you should totally blog about this."
This girl called me crying saying her boyfriend had dumped her again. This wasn't the first time...This man constantly dumps her every single time they have an argument or a minor disagreement. He always ridicules how she looks, calls her a fat pig, ugly...all sorts of insults. Oh the most absurd part is he 'punishes' and physically abuses her. I found the punishment part quite amusing (not in a hahahaha kind of way) because I never knew boyfriends were appointed to play the father role as well. Anyways, I let her speak and pour her heart out for like a good one hour and I finally asked her "ok so what advice do you need?" Her answer was " I need you to tell me how to get him back. I love him so much I cannot afford to lose him". My jaw literally dropped. I was like this is BANANAS!!! This man is the worst, most draconian person possible; I wouldn't even let him babysit my little sister's doll. If he was a website, he would be a waste of skin and brain.com.
So I told her listen; growing up, I was constantly told " Linda, you are special and there is no one out there like you." My grandparents instilled this sense of confidence in me and told me you should love yourself first because there is no way on earth you can give or receive love if you don't grasp the concept of self worth and appreciation. I told her to let go. He is not even worth all the pain. This guy doesnt even deserve a blow up doll. He clearly has no ounce of love for you. What you're basically doing is saying here, I know you could care less about me but I still want to be with you anyway. That's like getting fired but still showing up to work faithfully, yet you not getting paid. Move on, it won't be easy but it will save you from a whole lot of emotional turmoil.
Quick side note to my lovely ladies : There's no delicate way to put this so I will just blurt it out : Staying in an abusive relationship doesn't even come close to unconditional love; ITS STUPID! When a guy has clearly indicated he doesn't want you, doesn't respect you as a person, and constantly assasinates your self-esteem....RUN. NO actually scratch that, don't run, SPRINT! You have to say to yourself, I deserve the best and I am special. And I am not telling you to be embrace this b*tchy egostistcal , kanye west megalomaniac attitude; all I'm saying is have this quiet, humble self confidence and set boundaries. Know when to make it work, and when to call it quits. My policy is abuse has no room in my world. And there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to abuse; whether is verbal, emotional or physical. NO man or woman should be abused. THE END.
Relationships are NEVER a walk in in the park, but they are only worth the effort and fight if you are with the right partner. Obama and Michelle were not built in a day.
Have a blessed weekend earthlings!!
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Mar 1, 2011
The beauty Trick
I'm going to be quite honest; I think the cultural space that young ladies have at the moment is very poisonous and brain washing. The reason I say this is because a massive emphasis is placed on a girl's physical apprearance, and as a result of that there is a huge pressure on all of us to conform to this ridiculous notion of what is 'beautiful' .One of the really scary things is that what the media advertises and pushes to be 'beautiful' is a very narrow image. You have to be tall, thin, really light skinned or really blonde. Most women dont even fit into that bracket and therefore we're being told that girls that dont fit in to this 'beauty category' are not pretty enough.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Feb 25, 2011
Women can be stupid
Forget bad breath and spinach on teeth, I think the biggest turn off in the world should be a woman clothed in shoddy garments. Pseudo "fashionistas" have become ubiquitous and its definitely a global crisis. Why do some women these days look so scruffy? What happened to the class and glamour that your Mother instilled in you? Everyone all of a sudden wants to be "edgy" and "retro". Screw that Dookie..Bring elegance back!
In honor of black history month...I came up with my own version of " I have a dream". I would shoot my myself if this beautiful month went by without me putting my creative skiills to the test! So here I go:
I have a dream, that one day, females will wear clothes that fit. I have a dream that thick women (like me), will stop stuffing their curves into smaller sizes and accept the fact that they are beautiful in their size 12 clothes. I have a dream that people will realize that wearing leggings and not covering your butt with a longer top is not only gross but a felony as well. I have a dream that one day...The daughters of Eve will stop wearing booty shorts and come to terms with the idea of keeping butt cheeks inside clothes. Lets not forget the girls who wear corsets as skirts and have to spend eternity pulling down upon their garments in a failing attempt to hide their coochies. I have a dream that one day, I will walk down the streets of Dallas and never catch a glimpse of plumber syndrome with butt cracks sticking out and thong strings showing. I have a dream that all ladies will realize that there is a fine line between sexy and slutty.
So go to Ross, Go to Body central, Go to New york & and company, Gap, Old Navy, Ann Taylor and whichever store you so please and Grab you fitting, elegant clothes. Just wear clothes that make you feel and look good and forget about what's hot. Let modesty ring!!!
Speaking of bad fashion Trends..I forgot to pick up my meat dress from the dry cleaners. Incase you're wondering..I got the idea from Lady Gaga. Very inspiring blithering Idiot. The irony is quite overwhelming!
Peace, Love, Joy.
NAMASTE.
Feb 23, 2011
Stand for Kenya
On February 28th, at 1 pm, East Africa time: Kenyans will come together and unite in the prayer that is the Kenyan National Anthem, to celebrate their unity as a people, and to remind themselves that together, they can achieve much more.On this occasion, Kenyans come together, not to protest against anything but to stand for unity
As an African, and more importantly a Kenyan; I couldn't be more proud of What Kenya is doing on february 28th. Just incase you have no clue of what I'm talking about, Please take this moment and click on this link to learn more about this epic historical moment : http://28feb.co.ke/
For the record, This is not about politics or Kibaki and Raila's overly annoying ways of rubbing Kenyans the wrong way. So if you are one of those " I dont care about politics" Nazis then stay calm. Its all about unity and standing up as one nation, in one accordance. For the first time in my 2...(hold up, I was just about to give away my age )...anyways, for the first time in my many years of life, I am so proud of my country. Ever since I could I remember, Kenyans as a people have been crippled and divided by tribalism. Hence, progress has been a foreign language to us. Lets for once join forces and look at each other as one people.
Its a fresh start for this beautiful country. This is not a cause requiring cynicism but optimism. Before you knock the concept of unity in Kenya out, Please keep in mind that We do have a Black President in the united states now. With that being said, Anything is possible and YES WE CAN!! I actually had a very interesting conversation with a few Kenyans and their crippled minds asked me "what's next after we sing this song? and what's actually the point of all this?"...First of all its not just any song...its the National anthem; the song of all songs that defines who we are as Kenyans. Secondly, what happens After 1 pm on feb 28th is really upto you. You can choose to change your thinking, stop the ignorance, kick nonchalance to the curb and embrace patriotism and change or you can continue living life the same way. The latter is what I would choose, but hey to each its own.
Cut me open, and I'll bleed Black, red, white and green. Even though I currently don't reside in Kenya...you can count on me being part of this glorious day! YES LORD. And that concludes my patriotic moment of the day. GO KENYA!!!! *waves the Kenyan flag*
Peace, Love, Change.
NAMASTE.
Feb 20, 2011
The Journey of a 20 something
If you’d asked me at fourteen where I saw myself a decade from then, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have described where I am now. It's with a mixture of disappointment and despair; I find myself, aged 24, not yet having achieved anything on the ambitious “to-do-list” my fourteen-year-old self formulated.
Apparently I’m an adult. On paper I’m an adult, the world looks at me like I’m an adult and on some days I feel like an adult. But my gosh, I am so not an adult.
I look around at my friends and although we’re different, we’re all going through the same phase of being “ adults but not quite adults”. Some of us are broke creatives, living on the financial edge, doing all we can to make our dream a reality. We like to think we’re on the verge of blowing up; our parents think we’re deluded and should hurry up and get a “real job”. Others are doing unpaid internships, which to the outside world seem like Sisyphean quests. Some of us are traveling around the world, seeking that “Eat, Pray, Love” moment, all in the effort to stall the inevitability of a 9-5.
Then there are those who were sensible and sold their soul to a soulless corporation and are being paid a hefty sum in exchange. Though their bank accounts suggest adulthood, their lifestyles are markedly different from what their parents were doing at their age.
This isn’t a trend localised to my social circle, it’s global. There are millions of us scattered across the western world. The 20-Somethings ; adults on paper and united by their choice to “avoid” becoming adults in substance.
In an article in the New York Times called “What Is It about 20-somethings?”, Robin Marantz Henig explores why we are the generation that refuses to grow up. Even wondering whether “we need to start rethinking our definition of normal development and create systems of education, health care and social supports that take the new stage into account”
Ironically we were the ones in a rush to grow up. Then we grew up and realised the process isn’t as simple or romantic as we assumed. All we want is time to figure out what the hell what we want to do. Unfortunately the time frame for finding yourself expires as soon as you complete university.When the graduation jollity subsided, and we took off our cap and gowns, suddenly we were surrounded by expectations. Expectations that we never signed up for and are not quite sure we want to meet.
We’re grappling with the world’s expectations of us whilst trying to decipher what precisely we expect of ourselves. It’s a delicate balancing act and at times it feels like we’re cartwheeling on a tightrope that’s suspended over a noisy reservoir. Constantly engaging in such an elaborate acrobatic act is tiring. Many of us have garnered reputations for being unstable dreamers who are unable to execute. Everyone’s concluded that we don’t want to grow up. They don’t understand that we want to grow up, we’re just not sure how.
At least when we were teenagers awkwardness was expected and accepted. Now we’re 20-Somethings we’re supposed to have magically grown out of our awkwardness. Since none of us really have, we've learnt clever mechanisms to conceal it. We walk around with the air of confidence and defiance, when in truth most of us are plagued by bouts of diffidence.
They didn’t warn us that part of the journey in becoming an adult, involves combat with an overpowering force. And when it seems like everything you once dreamed of achieving may never happen, that force has a voice that drowns out everything else. It gets louder with every day and perpetually reminds us "You're not good enough". What’s the force called? Self-doubt. Self-doubt is the real reason behind the 20-Somethings apparent refusal to grow up. We’re just so good at cartwheeling no-one’s noticed.
At the end of this decade, hopefully we’ll be real adults. Warehouse parties, dodgy internships, living in perpetual overdraft and questionable sexual partners, will be a thing of the past. Hopefully we will have overcome self-doubt and decided the only expectations we need to fulfill are the ones we set for ourselves. We’ll have departed from that platform that reads “Not Quite Adults” and boarded on a train marked "Real Adults" or at the very least one that reads “Finally Getting To Grips With This Life Thing.”
Despite the fact we haven’t got the best rep, I like to think of us 20-Somethings as superheros. Complex flawed beings, each in possession of a magical gift. The only thing stopping us flying are the closed doors where our capes are trapped. Maybe a decade from now they’ll be no need to board any train. Perhaps we’ll kick down the doors, cast away our burdens and fly to our destinations.
Until then, To all the 20-somethings wearing capes on their shoulders that everyone sees as chips, stand firm. I heard somewhere that things eventually get easier.
Love & Light
Linda
Feb 15, 2011
Linda's rants and Realizations
Howdy Everyone, Lets dig in; shall we? Good.
Rants
1.A 20 year old British Woman died at a hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania while receiving butt injections. At 20 years old, I did lots of stupid things, luckily none of them killed me. When I first read this story I was like what in the world? who would do that? But then again, I came to realize that the modern world puts so much pressure on being "size zero" and they forget that black women have an inverse pressure of being "size thick". The media praises all these women whose proportions don't even exist. Ladies, Love yourself for who you are. I admit, when I was younger, I had self -esteem issues and wanted a body like no other. Its not until I begun having a relationship with myself that I realized am beautiful and fine just the way I am.
2. The catholic church has now released a "confession app". I'm not quite sure how it works because I am not interested. I don't mean to be rude, but really? where do these confessions go? to the Pope? no sir. I'm good. I have Jesus on my necklace and he is the only Man I can confess my sins to.
3. Egypt Finally did it...whatever that means! Mubarak's step down was as vile and disgraceful as a woman trying to hang herself by her used tampon string. The rest of Africa could Learn a thing or two.
Realizations
1. There's a lot of people out there whose job is to do nothing but criticize, analyze and dish out barbaric remarks. These are not even Professional critics or anything. Just a bunch of Idiots who can't help but dispense vile, idiotic advise. But do you know what's even worse? WE allow them to come into our lives and choke our confidence and self-esteem, pollute our minds with all these negative ideas that kill your dreams. Listen, stop caring about what everyone thinks about you. If your success or failure has no direct impact on someone then why do you even value them? ONLY listen to those people that care about you and want nothing but the best for you.
2. There's a very thick line between being a girl and being a woman. Womanhood is realizing that touching your boobs won't make them any larger and that kissing boys won't make you pregnant. I'm sure you're going huh? yes people,read between those lines.
3. Mentors hardly exist. Those people are as extinct as dinosaurs.
4. Real friends are hard to find and keep. Keyword here being "real".
5. I get analyzed, criticized and compared to other people a lot. The real Linda doesnt even shine in limelight anymore. Its all about "them". It sucks being the underdog. *big sigh*
Thats my semi "let it all out" post. If it made sense to you..GREAT! If it didn't then Oh well things aren't always black and white. The grey area exists.
Rants
1.A 20 year old British Woman died at a hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania while receiving butt injections. At 20 years old, I did lots of stupid things, luckily none of them killed me. When I first read this story I was like what in the world? who would do that? But then again, I came to realize that the modern world puts so much pressure on being "size zero" and they forget that black women have an inverse pressure of being "size thick". The media praises all these women whose proportions don't even exist. Ladies, Love yourself for who you are. I admit, when I was younger, I had self -esteem issues and wanted a body like no other. Its not until I begun having a relationship with myself that I realized am beautiful and fine just the way I am.
2. The catholic church has now released a "confession app". I'm not quite sure how it works because I am not interested. I don't mean to be rude, but really? where do these confessions go? to the Pope? no sir. I'm good. I have Jesus on my necklace and he is the only Man I can confess my sins to.
3. Egypt Finally did it...whatever that means! Mubarak's step down was as vile and disgraceful as a woman trying to hang herself by her used tampon string. The rest of Africa could Learn a thing or two.
Realizations
1. There's a lot of people out there whose job is to do nothing but criticize, analyze and dish out barbaric remarks. These are not even Professional critics or anything. Just a bunch of Idiots who can't help but dispense vile, idiotic advise. But do you know what's even worse? WE allow them to come into our lives and choke our confidence and self-esteem, pollute our minds with all these negative ideas that kill your dreams. Listen, stop caring about what everyone thinks about you. If your success or failure has no direct impact on someone then why do you even value them? ONLY listen to those people that care about you and want nothing but the best for you.
2. There's a very thick line between being a girl and being a woman. Womanhood is realizing that touching your boobs won't make them any larger and that kissing boys won't make you pregnant. I'm sure you're going huh? yes people,read between those lines.
3. Mentors hardly exist. Those people are as extinct as dinosaurs.
4. Real friends are hard to find and keep. Keyword here being "real".
5. I get analyzed, criticized and compared to other people a lot. The real Linda doesnt even shine in limelight anymore. Its all about "them". It sucks being the underdog. *big sigh*
Thats my semi "let it all out" post. If it made sense to you..GREAT! If it didn't then Oh well things aren't always black and white. The grey area exists.
Feb 1, 2011
Don't get it twisted
Today's blog is dedicated to one of the most beautiful and inspiring women I have ever come to know....MY COUSIN DIANA! Diana lives and works in Kenya. She went to College in the U.K and recently got a wonderful job offer in Nairobi. Anyways, Diana and I were talking on Skype two weeks ago and the topic of relationships came up. One thing Diana and I have in common is we are extremely picky when it comes to Men and its just ridiculous. She even joked and said she is convinced her Man is not created yet. That is our biggest flaw. Even though Diana is so beautiful, her past relationships are just a sob story. The men she has been with are the classic definition of douchebaggery, waste of air and skin, Hence the reason she raised her standards sooo high no man on earth can be with her.
Both of us came to this conclusion...There's Prerequisites and preferences when it comes to choosing a partner in life. Prerequisites are those qualities a man/woman MUST have and you are not willing to compromise. These are non-negotiable factors. For me personally, you have to be a man, PERIOD. The word "man' might sound funny or simple to you but trust me there are more boys than men out there. Another very important prerequisite for me is you have to have integrity and virtue. END OF STORY. These two factors matter more than your social status, your race, your income...I don't care if you makes 12 dollars a year...all I want is a real man with integrity and virtue.
Preferences on the other side are just comparative advantages...basically what your taste is. Its not a deal breaker. For instance..I love black men...that's what I prefer...but If a Hispanic man approached me will I turn him down...NO.
The biggest problem though is most females AND males mix prerequisites with preferences and therefore find themselves using a preference as a way to determine whether or not they will date someone and thats why a majority of people end up with the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. Have I been victim of this? OH YES YOU BETCHYA! If I told you my love stories you would weep for me and its solely ridiculous! But shout out to the people in my past...ya'll didn't make it to my future for a reason and I'm forever thankful to God for that. I must admit...turning 24 has turned me into one smart woman. I am not bragging...I am just stating a fact. I will no longer settle for a guy based solely on my preferences. Oh he is tall, cute, has a job, lives in highland park or whatever...only to find out he has ZERO integrity...his character stinks worse than a witch's ass and he has no clue how to treat a woman. Get what we call the hell outta here! Shut the front door! I'm done!!
Therfore, My plea to my fellow ladies (and men) is open your eyes and look past the materialistic, good for nothing qualities and dig deeper. Get to know him or her and don't ignore the red flags either. I guarantee you that you cannot and will not have a spiritual connection with someone if they don't share the same values as you do. If you're struggling to "get along" and don't see the basic elements of life in the same way then Let go or just be friends.
This is 2011......Thats all I have to say. Be smart!
NAMASTE!
Both of us came to this conclusion...There's Prerequisites and preferences when it comes to choosing a partner in life. Prerequisites are those qualities a man/woman MUST have and you are not willing to compromise. These are non-negotiable factors. For me personally, you have to be a man, PERIOD. The word "man' might sound funny or simple to you but trust me there are more boys than men out there. Another very important prerequisite for me is you have to have integrity and virtue. END OF STORY. These two factors matter more than your social status, your race, your income...I don't care if you makes 12 dollars a year...all I want is a real man with integrity and virtue.
Preferences on the other side are just comparative advantages...basically what your taste is. Its not a deal breaker. For instance..I love black men...that's what I prefer...but If a Hispanic man approached me will I turn him down...NO.
The biggest problem though is most females AND males mix prerequisites with preferences and therefore find themselves using a preference as a way to determine whether or not they will date someone and thats why a majority of people end up with the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. Have I been victim of this? OH YES YOU BETCHYA! If I told you my love stories you would weep for me and its solely ridiculous! But shout out to the people in my past...ya'll didn't make it to my future for a reason and I'm forever thankful to God for that. I must admit...turning 24 has turned me into one smart woman. I am not bragging...I am just stating a fact. I will no longer settle for a guy based solely on my preferences. Oh he is tall, cute, has a job, lives in highland park or whatever...only to find out he has ZERO integrity...his character stinks worse than a witch's ass and he has no clue how to treat a woman. Get what we call the hell outta here! Shut the front door! I'm done!!
Therfore, My plea to my fellow ladies (and men) is open your eyes and look past the materialistic, good for nothing qualities and dig deeper. Get to know him or her and don't ignore the red flags either. I guarantee you that you cannot and will not have a spiritual connection with someone if they don't share the same values as you do. If you're struggling to "get along" and don't see the basic elements of life in the same way then Let go or just be friends.
This is 2011......Thats all I have to say. Be smart!
NAMASTE!
Jan 31, 2011
The Friendship test....A must read
I got a call from a friend of mine a week ago and she was basically heartbroken as a result of the ultimate betrayal from a dear friend of hers. She wanted me to blog about this because she felt someone out there could benefit from this story. so here we go:
2 years ago..My friend Anne (not real name) was in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Everything was fine untill she made the the biggest mistake ever....She cheated on her boyfriend. The guilt was slowly killing her so she decided to confide in one of her "best" friends but she never told her boyfriend because she was scared of loosing him. #pause. One day, Anne's friend was going through a financial turmoil and her car was about to be repossessed ....out of kindness and love, Anne loaned her 2,000 Dollars to help. Fast forward two years later, Her friend still hasn't paid her a single dime and is now acting like she doesn't owe Anne anything. This really took a toll on their friendship. Anyways 2 weeks ago, it was Anne's Fiancee's birthday and she made reservations at Blue Mesa grill in Addison, Tx and she had invited 30 guests. I was not able to go so I just sent a gift. While at Blue Mesa..they ran into Anne's friend..she was there with her boyfriend as well and two other friends. This friend of hers got overly upset over the fact that she was not invited to the birthday dinner and what not. Lots of words were exchanged and the situation escalated into a heated argument and in the midst of all these people and Anne's boyfriend....this chic yelled "AT LEAST I DIDN'T CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND".
Anne's fiancee got really mad...which he had every right to and Men are not like women where they will calm down, re-think and forgive. Men have their ego and so this man dumped Anne in front of Everybody and walked off. Mark you, they were living together so now Anne was left homeless and 2,000 dollars poorer.
NOW I am not in any way condoning what Anne did...cheating is wrong period...she should have told her boyfriend and maybe things would be different...BUT this chic had NO business airing out her best friend's secret in public. That's Betrayal. Many females are really catty and just have no idea about the norm of friendship. I'm not saying every female out there is like this...but when someone actually takes the time to trust in you and confide in you then you better respect that. No one is perfect. If you have a problem with me just tell me in person instead of publicly humiliating and assassinating my integrity. This led me to formulate the top 3 tips you should use to determine who is a friend, acquaintance, associate or simply a no-use dirty rat :
1. Surround yourself with people who have the same mindset and values as you do. They don't have to have the same exact goals as you but having lots of things in common is a plus. Friends are supposed to be our checks and balances . If you have a friend who just agrees with everything you do and doesn't take the time to correct you when they think you are going on the wrong path then that's just an idiot with no opinion. If such people were a website; they would be a waste of skin.com. Beware of people who talk behind your back. These are the Judas Iscariot of today.
2. Rank your friends....this sounds like am discriminating but I'm honestly not. This ranking system helps you decide who to confide in and who to keep as an associate. Never tell your secrets to just anybody..they will destroy you.
3. The best way to determine a true friend is to watch how they argue....if someone uses an argument as a perfect opportunity to publicly assasinate your character and dispense everything you have told them then thats the devil...they are not worthy of even your attention. stay away from these people. You can party with them and have a good time but the line gets drawn there. I wouldn't even trust them with my pet.
Be really careful who you call your "friends". Its ok to get rid of toxic good for nothing people in your life. Friendship is a two way street. If at any point you feel like you are the only person trying to contribute to the value of friendship then just stop, and move on.
That's all I have for now. More blog posts coming your way.
NAMASTE!
2 years ago..My friend Anne (not real name) was in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Everything was fine untill she made the the biggest mistake ever....She cheated on her boyfriend. The guilt was slowly killing her so she decided to confide in one of her "best" friends but she never told her boyfriend because she was scared of loosing him. #pause. One day, Anne's friend was going through a financial turmoil and her car was about to be repossessed ....out of kindness and love, Anne loaned her 2,000 Dollars to help. Fast forward two years later, Her friend still hasn't paid her a single dime and is now acting like she doesn't owe Anne anything. This really took a toll on their friendship. Anyways 2 weeks ago, it was Anne's Fiancee's birthday and she made reservations at Blue Mesa grill in Addison, Tx and she had invited 30 guests. I was not able to go so I just sent a gift. While at Blue Mesa..they ran into Anne's friend..she was there with her boyfriend as well and two other friends. This friend of hers got overly upset over the fact that she was not invited to the birthday dinner and what not. Lots of words were exchanged and the situation escalated into a heated argument and in the midst of all these people and Anne's boyfriend....this chic yelled "AT LEAST I DIDN'T CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND".
Anne's fiancee got really mad...which he had every right to and Men are not like women where they will calm down, re-think and forgive. Men have their ego and so this man dumped Anne in front of Everybody and walked off. Mark you, they were living together so now Anne was left homeless and 2,000 dollars poorer.
NOW I am not in any way condoning what Anne did...cheating is wrong period...she should have told her boyfriend and maybe things would be different...BUT this chic had NO business airing out her best friend's secret in public. That's Betrayal. Many females are really catty and just have no idea about the norm of friendship. I'm not saying every female out there is like this...but when someone actually takes the time to trust in you and confide in you then you better respect that. No one is perfect. If you have a problem with me just tell me in person instead of publicly humiliating and assassinating my integrity. This led me to formulate the top 3 tips you should use to determine who is a friend, acquaintance, associate or simply a no-use dirty rat :
1. Surround yourself with people who have the same mindset and values as you do. They don't have to have the same exact goals as you but having lots of things in common is a plus. Friends are supposed to be our checks and balances . If you have a friend who just agrees with everything you do and doesn't take the time to correct you when they think you are going on the wrong path then that's just an idiot with no opinion. If such people were a website; they would be a waste of skin.com. Beware of people who talk behind your back. These are the Judas Iscariot of today.
2. Rank your friends....this sounds like am discriminating but I'm honestly not. This ranking system helps you decide who to confide in and who to keep as an associate. Never tell your secrets to just anybody..they will destroy you.
3. The best way to determine a true friend is to watch how they argue....if someone uses an argument as a perfect opportunity to publicly assasinate your character and dispense everything you have told them then thats the devil...they are not worthy of even your attention. stay away from these people. You can party with them and have a good time but the line gets drawn there. I wouldn't even trust them with my pet.
Be really careful who you call your "friends". Its ok to get rid of toxic good for nothing people in your life. Friendship is a two way street. If at any point you feel like you are the only person trying to contribute to the value of friendship then just stop, and move on.
That's all I have for now. More blog posts coming your way.
NAMASTE!
Jan 30, 2011
Life thus far........
I'm sure you guys have been wondering what planet I moved to...Yeah I seriously need to step up my blogging game. Its not laziness...its just I have so much going on in my life right now...its just riduculous! Anywho...I sure hope each and everyone of you has been well.
The most burning question I have been getting is "what have you been up to?"
I can't really tell you everything I've been up to but there's been lots of self-discovery, growth, ups, downs...the list goes on.....
1.I have some really exciting stuff...but no I won't share it at the moment so yeah...BUMMER
2.Lately my family has been talking to me about marriage.....touchy subject to me...But anyways, hey am 24, and they just think am approaching that age where I should be in a "serious" exclusive relationship....I will stop at that.
3.There is a HIGH possibility I will be changing majors....I've done some serious soul searching and I might just do it! Nothing drastic....still a health science major but just a different field...Cows never choose to be hamburgers, hence sometimes Life's situations just can't be avoided....
4. I Think I've ran out of middle fingers to show the devil...That monster never knows went to stop...
5.A fitness regimen would do wonders for my thick frame right now...
6.There is a high possibility I might start another blog...geared mostly towards beauty, fashion, health, women issues, and my new "passion"...details coming soon...
7.Quick shout out to Ben and Wanjira (in kenya) ...congrats on your engagement.....NOw when All my highschool friends are getting married, engaged and having babies....Time for me to do we call wake the fudge up!
8.When friends magically change for the worst and just act like they better than you, or you have to kiss their behind..then its time to let go....Shout out to all these people..I don't kiss a$$...its best we part...DEUCES!
9.Tommorow's blog will blow your mind...
10. Stay safe..its about to freeze up in here...come tuesday some of ya'll will be skiing and sledding to work! stay warm by ALL means....Whatever that means to you.
NAMASTE.
Jan 24, 2011
Ice Breaker
Oh my word! I just feel like I abadoned this blog nah.! I should not be doing this O...Hey chineke...I have a pretty good reason though! So Let me just apologize to my readers for keeping you in the dark! Abeg...Forgive me oh!
On a more serious note...I have lots of juicy, juicy, juicy blogs coming up! Some might be a bit controversial but to such is Life.
#BigShoutOut to my REAL friends...keyword here being REAL....Chei...you guys are my Life O. Thank you JISOS for putting these people in my life..I seriously LOVE you all.
Stay safe!!
On a more serious note...I have lots of juicy, juicy, juicy blogs coming up! Some might be a bit controversial but to such is Life.
#BigShoutOut to my REAL friends...keyword here being REAL....Chei...you guys are my Life O. Thank you JISOS for putting these people in my life..I seriously LOVE you all.
Stay safe!!
Jan 16, 2011
You may just wanna......
Hey, hey ,hey!!!! I hope you All enjoyed your weekend. Mine was pretty much an emotional roller-coaster! I will stop at that. Anyways, I have been receiving a lot of emails, facebook messages, texts and calls about my hair! As most of you know, I recently went natural..NO more perms for me; and actually january 15th was my 4 month hairverssary since I did my big chop! ( cutting off all the permed ends of your hair). I receive a zillion questions about my crown of glory (hair). I have friends who want to go natural but they are scared of what society will think of them or simply think no man will want them...Sigh...now if a dude will not date you coz of your hair then HE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOU THINK!! Here is my motto : I AM NOT MY HAIR!!!. I have therefore decided to answer most of those questions right here, right now. If you wondering where you at, especially the gents, This is Hairology 101...LETS DO THIS!!!
1. Why did you go natural ?
My permed hair was SEVERELY DAMAGED from all those chemical processes. I also wanted to free myself from the mental hair slavery in the black community, whereby straight permed hair is considered beautiful. I wanted to embrace myself for who I am, grow beautiful healthy natural hair and prove to myself that you don't have to live up to society's standards of beauty. Besides..spending 75 dollars every two weeks on hair was RIDICULOUS!!
2. Is it hard to take care of natural hair?
No! Growing beautiful, healthy hair is a task whether you are relaxed or natural. It takes constant effort, dedication, and time to achieve your hair goals. The only downside of being natural is takes you longer to do your hair regimen but its all worth it.
3. Did you transition?
NO. At first I wanted to transition but dealing with 2 textures of hair (permed and new growth) was just too much for my brain. I Had kinky twists for 2.5 months, took them out and did the "big chop".
4.I don't know anything about natural hair, how do you take care of it?
Same way you take care of relaxed hair. Although many naturals will tell you that some ingredients should be avoided, Hence when shopping for hair products, Avoid anything containing sulfates, mineral oil, parabens, synthetic preservatives....If you wanna know these ingredients and why they are bad for you just Give me a holla!! To be honest I was very intimated at first but thanks to youtube and doing my own research..I have learned a lot about hair and hair care!!! #blessed.
5. What Products do you use?
I am still trying out different products to see what really works well with my hair.Here are the products I use currently:
My staple Products:
These are the ones that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and will continue using till the day I DIE
- African shea butter, Extra virgin coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil, castor oil.
Products I use but are not my staple yet:
Shampoo : Giovanni smooth as silk deep moisture shampoo
Conditioner : VO5, Dessert essence lemon and tea tree, Suave coconut tropical
Deep conditioner : Organic root stimulator replenishing conditioner
Leave in conditioner : Shea moisture shea butter leave in with aloe vera , jojoba oil and vitamin E (THE BEST LEAVE IN EVER) and Aphogee pro-vitamin leave in treatment.
Hair spritz : water with liquid aloe vera gel
Here is my hair regimen :
Cleansing/clarifying/washing
I shampoo My hair once a week, or more, depending on whether or not I worked out.
Pre-shampoo treatment : vatika oil, coconut oil, castor oil, olive oil and honey mixed with one of my cheapie conditioners. ( 1-2 hours)
After I pre-shampoo, I proceed with shampooing.
After a workout I co-wash (washing hair using conditioner) with my regular conditioner. Co- washing is great because It gently cleanses the scalp and hair without stripping it of its natural oils like shampoo does.
I clarify (removing product buildup from hair) Using castille soap, African black soap, Eluscence clarifying shampoo or I do an acid vinegar rinse...depending on what's at hand.
I deep condition once weekly for 45 mins to an hour and I do a protein deep treatments every 4 to six weeks using henna or Ion's super strength treatment pack. Protein re-strengthens your hair. ALways follow a protein treatment with a moisturizing deep conditioner because it leaves the hair dry.
Styling...I mostly wear braid outs and twist outs, funky afros or a picked out 70's style afro. When My hair grows longer, I will have more styilng options.
I moisturize daily with my water + aloe vera gel mixture and I seal the moisture with coconut and castor oil or shea butter.
And, there you have it!!! Thanks for all the compliments you give me about my hair and if you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.
If there's anyone out there who is thinking of going natural...DO IT! you will not regret it! It takes a lot of courage though! its a journey! but at the end of the day you will love how healthy your hair be.
P.S : I am not a hair nazi...so if you are love perming your hair..go for it! whatever works for you just rock it! Perms worked great for me for the last 12 years but it reached a point where I think my hair was over processed wioth chemicals to a point it became dull and fragile and just fell of! What works for me, won't work for you so JUST DO YOU!
Always remember: You are not your hair! and beauty is more than just long, silky flowing hair!
#Now playing letting go (dutty love) -sean kingston ft Nicki Minaj.....I can dance to this song ALL DAY!
NB: music is my life!...just saying
Have a blessed week everyone!
NAMASTE!
1. Why did you go natural ?
My permed hair was SEVERELY DAMAGED from all those chemical processes. I also wanted to free myself from the mental hair slavery in the black community, whereby straight permed hair is considered beautiful. I wanted to embrace myself for who I am, grow beautiful healthy natural hair and prove to myself that you don't have to live up to society's standards of beauty. Besides..spending 75 dollars every two weeks on hair was RIDICULOUS!!
2. Is it hard to take care of natural hair?
No! Growing beautiful, healthy hair is a task whether you are relaxed or natural. It takes constant effort, dedication, and time to achieve your hair goals. The only downside of being natural is takes you longer to do your hair regimen but its all worth it.
3. Did you transition?
NO. At first I wanted to transition but dealing with 2 textures of hair (permed and new growth) was just too much for my brain. I Had kinky twists for 2.5 months, took them out and did the "big chop".
4.I don't know anything about natural hair, how do you take care of it?
Same way you take care of relaxed hair. Although many naturals will tell you that some ingredients should be avoided, Hence when shopping for hair products, Avoid anything containing sulfates, mineral oil, parabens, synthetic preservatives....If you wanna know these ingredients and why they are bad for you just Give me a holla!! To be honest I was very intimated at first but thanks to youtube and doing my own research..I have learned a lot about hair and hair care!!! #blessed.
5. What Products do you use?
I am still trying out different products to see what really works well with my hair.Here are the products I use currently:
My staple Products:
These are the ones that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and will continue using till the day I DIE
- African shea butter, Extra virgin coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil, castor oil.
Products I use but are not my staple yet:
Shampoo : Giovanni smooth as silk deep moisture shampoo
Conditioner : VO5, Dessert essence lemon and tea tree, Suave coconut tropical
Deep conditioner : Organic root stimulator replenishing conditioner
Leave in conditioner : Shea moisture shea butter leave in with aloe vera , jojoba oil and vitamin E (THE BEST LEAVE IN EVER) and Aphogee pro-vitamin leave in treatment.
Hair spritz : water with liquid aloe vera gel
Here is my hair regimen :
Cleansing/clarifying/washing
I shampoo My hair once a week, or more, depending on whether or not I worked out.
Pre-shampoo treatment : vatika oil, coconut oil, castor oil, olive oil and honey mixed with one of my cheapie conditioners. ( 1-2 hours)
After I pre-shampoo, I proceed with shampooing.
After a workout I co-wash (washing hair using conditioner) with my regular conditioner. Co- washing is great because It gently cleanses the scalp and hair without stripping it of its natural oils like shampoo does.
I clarify (removing product buildup from hair) Using castille soap, African black soap, Eluscence clarifying shampoo or I do an acid vinegar rinse...depending on what's at hand.
I deep condition once weekly for 45 mins to an hour and I do a protein deep treatments every 4 to six weeks using henna or Ion's super strength treatment pack. Protein re-strengthens your hair. ALways follow a protein treatment with a moisturizing deep conditioner because it leaves the hair dry.
Styling...I mostly wear braid outs and twist outs, funky afros or a picked out 70's style afro. When My hair grows longer, I will have more styilng options.
I moisturize daily with my water + aloe vera gel mixture and I seal the moisture with coconut and castor oil or shea butter.
And, there you have it!!! Thanks for all the compliments you give me about my hair and if you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.
If there's anyone out there who is thinking of going natural...DO IT! you will not regret it! It takes a lot of courage though! its a journey! but at the end of the day you will love how healthy your hair be.
P.S : I am not a hair nazi...so if you are love perming your hair..go for it! whatever works for you just rock it! Perms worked great for me for the last 12 years but it reached a point where I think my hair was over processed wioth chemicals to a point it became dull and fragile and just fell of! What works for me, won't work for you so JUST DO YOU!
Always remember: You are not your hair! and beauty is more than just long, silky flowing hair!
#Now playing letting go (dutty love) -sean kingston ft Nicki Minaj.....I can dance to this song ALL DAY!
NB: music is my life!...just saying
Have a blessed week everyone!
NAMASTE!
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