As a result of my twitter rants, my personal blog and interacting with other young women; I get lots of calls, text messages, and emails asking for advice about hair care, shopping tips (I'm the queen of coupons, sales and shopping smart), skin care. But the most prevalent questions are about romantic relationship advice. This is quite ironic to me because I'm no relationship expert but I'm still kindly honored and humbled to be approached. As I read these emails/texts or talk to these women, there are quite a few patterns that emerge. I wont go into details, but these are the two most common dilemnas that come to sight:
1. He cheated on me. Should I stay or should I go? I don't want to lose him.
- Now, this question irks me. I have my own personal and sensitive opinions about such matter. I tend to keep my views on cheating and its repercussions to myself because they are so sensitive and its sort of a gray area. I don't know why he cheated and I don't know about the dimensions and history of your relationship. Unless I'm in your shoes I can't really know what you are going through. I've been there, been cheated on and lets just say "they" are in my past.
-The correct answer would be, leave him right? But hey I'm a woman and I know that when a female asks "should I stay or I should I go?" there's a great likelihood that she's going to stay. she just wants me to affirm and piggy back a decision she's already made. Hence, my response to such questions is usually " Follow your heart but also listen to your brain. sometimes what we feel and want isn't always the best for us. Just know your worth."
2. I met this guy (arbitary amount of time) ago and he made it CRYSTAL CLEAR from the get go that he just wants to be friends and is not looking for a relationship.[FLAG]. Fast forward a few months, years, later and he STILL doesn't want a relationship. But then we do everything as a couple, I'm practically and technically his girlfriend but he has completely refused to give me the title of "girlfriend". What should I do Linda? How can I CHANGE him and make him realize that I am what he needs and I'm his best option?
-*sigh* First of all, there's nothing like "practical and technical couples". You're either together, or you're not. And also, "sideline chics" is a myth. Toss it out your vocabulary. You either matter to him or you don't. He might have multiple girlfriends but only ONE of them matters. The rest are just members of his ego building society.
In terms of what you should do, its simple. YOU want a relationship, HE doesn't. MISMATCH. Now its different if he didn't make it apparent from the beggining about what he wants. BUT if he clearly uttered the words "I DONT WANT A RELATIONSHIP" from day 1, then there is nothing you can do but move on. Let's stop pretending and be crude in our analysis here....go your separate ways. There's nothing complicated or deep about this situation. HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
The whole "how do I change him?" question really frustrates me because I've been there. In fact, I don't know a woman over the age of 18 who hasn't been in this " I want to change a guy" situation.
Let me just put this out there for the the whole universe to know: Dear Women and any other female species or neanderthals out there, Listen carefully; WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN. Say it with me, " WE CANNOT CHANGE MEN." You could be extremely beautiful, Intelligent, poised, elegant, brilliant, rich, exciting, a resident of another planet;YOU STILL CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. No human being has the innate capacity and ability to change another human. Stop trying. A lot of very beautiful women think their beauty is enough to trap a guy. Physical beauty does nothing but attract men towards you. It has no power to sustain a meaningful relationship. Using all your secret weapons like sex, money, great clothes, breast implants, booty pads, TRAPPIN HIM WITH CHILD, crying and begging (this is truly blackmail and lowers your value. Men do not like being begged. The more you beg, the further away you push him) will still not work.
If you want to be an agent of change then go learn how to change a tire, or run for public office. You will be more sucessful at it.
If somebody, especially a man, has decided that they're going to live certain way, do certain things and be with certain people; NOTHING you can do can deter them from their decision. What you're basically doing is insulting yourself, insulting him and disrespecting his individuality.
So here's my 2 cents opinion, and it goes for both Men and Women : The most you can do is catalyze a change. That means either the change was already going to occur and you came along, OR you inspired them to personally convict their inner self into changing. You cannot cause change. Stop trying to manipulate these men. Let them be. We are the ones getting miserable. The men are quite happy, if anything, I'm sure they sit at a bar somewhere and laugh at our useless efforts of trying to change them so they are getting what they want. You on the other hand are not getting what you want and you're spending time crying, listening to feminist songs and calling your girlfriends to whine about how he's a dog. You Probably have Beyonce's "to the left" on replay.
In conclusion, If you find a man who you think needs to be revamped;Stop. Like I said, you can't change him. Find a guy who actually has the qualities you are looking for. And also, stop getting hung on the "finished product guy". He might not be where he should be but he has the potential to get there. ITS ALL ABOUT POTENTIAL MY GIRLS.
P.S : some of the best relationships emerge from great friendships. Take it slow. That's all I have for now.
Mar 31, 2011
Mar 29, 2011
My flawed glory
Greetings. As a result of never really introducing myself to my subscribers, I've been getting emails saying " tell me more about yourself." Here's the deal, self introductions are slightly pointless. Human nature dictates that I will either over/under sell myself. But since I love you all immensely, I'll just give in to this pseudo positive request. And now time to glorify myself:
Linda is my name but my friends mostly call me Lynn or Maserati. I'm living proof that you can bleed for 5 days and still not die. Born and raised in Kenya. No, Obama is not my uncle BUT we have a lot in common. My Dad is actually Luo,same tribe Obama's Dad hails from. So technically, Obama is my cousin. See, Told you he wasn't my uncle.
If you have no idea about what Kenyans are all about just know we are the people who act like Jesus took Chapati and Kenyan tea at the last supper and said "do this in my rememberance." We are the holy grain of entertainment though. Don't believe me? that's fine. I'm a Biology major/chemistry minor who's aspiring to be a legal drug dealer, pseudo healer & executive nerd. Let's have a toast for all the science freaks.* pours α-D-glucopyranosyl-(1,2)- β-D-fructofuranoside* CHEERS. I tend to envy me, myself & I. Those three women are my best friends. I feel sorry for the lady at the nail shop that does my pedicure because my feet look like I went on an exodus through the desert with the children of Israel. In other words I'm a glorified neantherdal. Many humans claim I'm fun to be around. The story of Adam & Eve makes me angry.When I get to Heaven, I will rip that lace front wig off of Eve's head and slap her. She should have never eaten the fruit. As for Adam, I will kick his balls.
I'm completely and utterly in love with my family. How so much virtue can dwell within these people I'll never know. My parents are my all and my siblings are my heartbeat. Since My mom and Dad aren't from the same tribe, I'm therefore Mixed. Yep Bi-racial. Wait, What? Nonsensical. I'm Bi-tribal, not bi-racial. Apologies, English is my 42nd language. I have 3 sisters, 1 brother and a niece. I have many Uncles and Aunties and an infinity number of cousins. This is not hyperbole, its the truth.
sidenote: When I was a kid, I was vile. my teeth looked like weapons of mass destruction. My mom still took me places. That's love.It all changed when I turned 10. Jesus gave me a makeover.
I despise adulthood ; It is basically childhood + taxes. I Sent an application to my childhood requesting to be taken back but I was rejected. *shrugs*
I don't have a megalomaniac mind, I just have an intense passion for the finer things in life. The gulf between my income and my needs and wants is so wide, it's not even funny. My taste is luxury but my pockets are economy. Split open an African woman and she'll bleed glamour. This has convinced me that shopping is actually in my genotype.My weaknesses (certain types of food, clothes shoes, jewelry and purses) are a recipe for obesity and debt. Allow me to elaborte on this:
When I'm sad, I shop. When I'm angry, I shop. Pensive, I shop. Menstruating, I shop. Whatever my emotional/physical state its condusive to shopping. Sometimes shopping involves me randomly putting items in a cart, then emptying it, and going home. This is usually when my account is infested with many zeros. When I do actually shop, I move the decimal point to the left. For instance, $38 becomes $3.80. You should try it, it will make you feel better. Sartorial masturbation is amazing. I absolutely love shoe porn (the art of shopping for shoes you perverts).Since I haven't used my womb, my shoes are like my children. When I can't sleep at night, I count shoes, not sheep. The fact that shopping restores a balance in my spirit yet causes a great imbalance in my bank account is one of the evil ironies of life.
Food is like my cocaine. Good food is very seductive. Cake, chin chin, chocolate, french fries, e.t.c always do a striptease for me. My mouth gets horny and gives in to this sinful act. An explosion of flavors in my mouth usually leads to one epic mouthgasm. Bliss.com. My favorite globalized dessert is fried plantain, and ice cream sprinkled with chin chin. Ergo, grocery stores and restaurants are glorified strip clubs for our mouth and stomachs. Don't worry, I'm actually cooler than you think.
Sidenote: When a girl listens to Jeremih's "put it down" she evokes her inner black ghetto moves. Especially when 50 cents says 'get it, get it, work it, work it" she shakes her butt like a salt shaker. FIREWORKS!!! GBOSA!! just me? ok cool. coooool. Just me.
Now more serious stuff, I speak seven languages: English, Swahili, Luhya, Sheng, Sarcasm, Irony & humor.
My blackberry is a woman by the name of Rantolaniqua. She loves to be fondled, has attitude like a witch & Knows all my secrets.
I tend to see value in people for who they are, not where they're from nor the color of their skin. I love spreading love and informed opinions. Still a 20 something trying to find her niche' in urban dystopia. I believe in a supreme being called God. I love church. Only problem is I often wear 6-inch heels to worship, hence I leave the altar spiritually healed but needing more physical healing than I came in. Oh the Irony.I enjoying writing, running, kickboxing, inspiring others, cooking, reading and uuhhmm...MUSIC. I love giving and I have a GREAT passion for charity work, especially if it benefits children from low income families. I've ran 3 half marathons (13.1 miles each) and I only run to benefit charity organizations.
Confession: I believe there's a fence between deep prayer & sleeping. I'm afraid I've made few cross border violations more than once in church. I hope this doesn't jeopardize my salvation.
Five major rules I live by
1. The only expectations you have to fulfill are those you've set for yourself. The Only gateway to success is to invest in your mind. The brain is indeed a powerful organ. Without it, we are essentially vapid creatures.
2. Be the best version of yourself. Authenticity is sexy. Faux modesty on the other hand is an ogress.
at the end of it all, humans are fallible creatures.
3. As a woman, I refuse to conform to society's misogynistic stereotype of what a woman should be. I have my own mind. I'm not a doll, nor a toy. I'm a complex, flawed human being who strives for excellence each day. Not perfect and never will be.
4. Pretend idiots are invisible. Never listen to anyone who graduated from the university of stating the obvious and oblivious.
5.Treat people the same way you want to be treated.
Someone would conclude I'm symptomatic of a generation who's discontent and captivated by the capitalism spell. Nope, I'm just fine. If you're finding yourself judging me, please dont. I already judge myself.
Words of wisdom : Every breath we take brings us closer to death. Macabre but true. Hence stop making everyone happy. its impossible. Focus on God and his purpose for your life. Be a positive influence to those around you and pursue your passion relentlelessly.
In conclusion, I am far from perfect, In fact I can be a curmudgeon. But I'm in the process of eradicating pessism, relinquishing fear & and embracing change. Optimism is indeed beautiful.
P.S. I'm not the result of a broken condom. I was purposely bred. (LMAO). Anyways, I beseech you all eat cake, brush your teeth three times a day and get waxed. Those are beautiful tips I just gave you. Drake (thank) me later. As I write, I'm craving for guavas.
Linda is my name but my friends mostly call me Lynn or Maserati. I'm living proof that you can bleed for 5 days and still not die. Born and raised in Kenya. No, Obama is not my uncle BUT we have a lot in common. My Dad is actually Luo,same tribe Obama's Dad hails from. So technically, Obama is my cousin. See, Told you he wasn't my uncle.
If you have no idea about what Kenyans are all about just know we are the people who act like Jesus took Chapati and Kenyan tea at the last supper and said "do this in my rememberance." We are the holy grain of entertainment though. Don't believe me? that's fine. I'm a Biology major/chemistry minor who's aspiring to be a legal drug dealer, pseudo healer & executive nerd. Let's have a toast for all the science freaks.* pours α-D-glucopyranosyl-(1,2)- β-D-fructofuranoside* CHEERS. I tend to envy me, myself & I. Those three women are my best friends. I feel sorry for the lady at the nail shop that does my pedicure because my feet look like I went on an exodus through the desert with the children of Israel. In other words I'm a glorified neantherdal. Many humans claim I'm fun to be around. The story of Adam & Eve makes me angry.When I get to Heaven, I will rip that lace front wig off of Eve's head and slap her. She should have never eaten the fruit. As for Adam, I will kick his balls.
I'm completely and utterly in love with my family. How so much virtue can dwell within these people I'll never know. My parents are my all and my siblings are my heartbeat. Since My mom and Dad aren't from the same tribe, I'm therefore Mixed. Yep Bi-racial. Wait, What? Nonsensical. I'm Bi-tribal, not bi-racial. Apologies, English is my 42nd language. I have 3 sisters, 1 brother and a niece. I have many Uncles and Aunties and an infinity number of cousins. This is not hyperbole, its the truth.
sidenote: When I was a kid, I was vile. my teeth looked like weapons of mass destruction. My mom still took me places. That's love.It all changed when I turned 10. Jesus gave me a makeover.
I despise adulthood ; It is basically childhood + taxes. I Sent an application to my childhood requesting to be taken back but I was rejected. *shrugs*
I don't have a megalomaniac mind, I just have an intense passion for the finer things in life. The gulf between my income and my needs and wants is so wide, it's not even funny. My taste is luxury but my pockets are economy. Split open an African woman and she'll bleed glamour. This has convinced me that shopping is actually in my genotype.My weaknesses (certain types of food, clothes shoes, jewelry and purses) are a recipe for obesity and debt. Allow me to elaborte on this:
When I'm sad, I shop. When I'm angry, I shop. Pensive, I shop. Menstruating, I shop. Whatever my emotional/physical state its condusive to shopping. Sometimes shopping involves me randomly putting items in a cart, then emptying it, and going home. This is usually when my account is infested with many zeros. When I do actually shop, I move the decimal point to the left. For instance, $38 becomes $3.80. You should try it, it will make you feel better. Sartorial masturbation is amazing. I absolutely love shoe porn (the art of shopping for shoes you perverts).Since I haven't used my womb, my shoes are like my children. When I can't sleep at night, I count shoes, not sheep. The fact that shopping restores a balance in my spirit yet causes a great imbalance in my bank account is one of the evil ironies of life.
Food is like my cocaine. Good food is very seductive. Cake, chin chin, chocolate, french fries, e.t.c always do a striptease for me. My mouth gets horny and gives in to this sinful act. An explosion of flavors in my mouth usually leads to one epic mouthgasm. Bliss.com. My favorite globalized dessert is fried plantain, and ice cream sprinkled with chin chin. Ergo, grocery stores and restaurants are glorified strip clubs for our mouth and stomachs. Don't worry, I'm actually cooler than you think.
Sidenote: When a girl listens to Jeremih's "put it down" she evokes her inner black ghetto moves. Especially when 50 cents says 'get it, get it, work it, work it" she shakes her butt like a salt shaker. FIREWORKS!!! GBOSA!! just me? ok cool. coooool. Just me.
Now more serious stuff, I speak seven languages: English, Swahili, Luhya, Sheng, Sarcasm, Irony & humor.
My blackberry is a woman by the name of Rantolaniqua. She loves to be fondled, has attitude like a witch & Knows all my secrets.
I tend to see value in people for who they are, not where they're from nor the color of their skin. I love spreading love and informed opinions. Still a 20 something trying to find her niche' in urban dystopia. I believe in a supreme being called God. I love church. Only problem is I often wear 6-inch heels to worship, hence I leave the altar spiritually healed but needing more physical healing than I came in. Oh the Irony.I enjoying writing, running, kickboxing, inspiring others, cooking, reading and uuhhmm...MUSIC. I love giving and I have a GREAT passion for charity work, especially if it benefits children from low income families. I've ran 3 half marathons (13.1 miles each) and I only run to benefit charity organizations.
Confession: I believe there's a fence between deep prayer & sleeping. I'm afraid I've made few cross border violations more than once in church. I hope this doesn't jeopardize my salvation.
Five major rules I live by
1. The only expectations you have to fulfill are those you've set for yourself. The Only gateway to success is to invest in your mind. The brain is indeed a powerful organ. Without it, we are essentially vapid creatures.
2. Be the best version of yourself. Authenticity is sexy. Faux modesty on the other hand is an ogress.
at the end of it all, humans are fallible creatures.
3. As a woman, I refuse to conform to society's misogynistic stereotype of what a woman should be. I have my own mind. I'm not a doll, nor a toy. I'm a complex, flawed human being who strives for excellence each day. Not perfect and never will be.
4. Pretend idiots are invisible. Never listen to anyone who graduated from the university of stating the obvious and oblivious.
5.Treat people the same way you want to be treated.
Someone would conclude I'm symptomatic of a generation who's discontent and captivated by the capitalism spell. Nope, I'm just fine. If you're finding yourself judging me, please dont. I already judge myself.
Words of wisdom : Every breath we take brings us closer to death. Macabre but true. Hence stop making everyone happy. its impossible. Focus on God and his purpose for your life. Be a positive influence to those around you and pursue your passion relentlelessly.
In conclusion, I am far from perfect, In fact I can be a curmudgeon. But I'm in the process of eradicating pessism, relinquishing fear & and embracing change. Optimism is indeed beautiful.
P.S. I'm not the result of a broken condom. I was purposely bred. (LMAO). Anyways, I beseech you all eat cake, brush your teeth three times a day and get waxed. Those are beautiful tips I just gave you. Drake (thank) me later. As I write, I'm craving for guavas.
Mar 21, 2011
Social Networking & Dating
Before I start today's blog post...
1. I just finally learned how to do the Douglas dance. Remember the song, teach me how to Douglas by Cali swag district? yeah that. I insist on calling it "the Douglas" instead of the the "the dougie". It psychologically makes me feel like I'm engaging in less coonery. Ergo, My inner black girl ghetto dance moves don't come to life.
2. I was reading the 'top ten ways to make money in 2011' list and number 7 said donate sperm; I feel so left out. Is this life? This is proof that top ten lists are nothing to take seriously. The criteria are biased and arbitrary.
And now today's post:
Once upon a time, we went out to the social networking world to 'connect' and 'interact' but now we spent 90% of our time posing for pictures on facebook and eagerly waiting to write on walls. Twitter on the other hand, is just a miniature school playground; same politics, same cliques, same herd mentality. Hence, Adulthood is just Childhood+taxes. There so many positive and negative aspects of social media. I really cannot go into detail because that would mean writing a whole novel. But are we exposing ourselves too much? Since the whole point is to connect with others, do we feel like we owe the world EVERYTHING we do? And how does this affect our dating lives? Yes, yes, these are rhetorical questions. Relax.
Ever since I started blogging, the phrase "please don't blog about this" is what I'm most likely to hear at the end of any social gathering or hangout. Some of my friends will tell me about their dates then turn around and say please don’t blog about this.. My response is always, "Ok, do you really think that your life is so interesting that I would blog about it?" History has proven that the world really doesn't care and my blog is not about YOUR life. There are some instances where I've gotten requests to blog about someone's experience and I will do it simply because it’s a great, meaningful life lesson that we could all learn from. But I will never ever waste my time to blog about someone's drunken adventure or tweet/update my status about personal details of someone I'm dating. That is clearly insane.
The "please don't blog about this" request has got me thinking how social media affects our lives ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating and relationships. The same people who request not to be blogged about are the same exact people who will tweet/update their status talking about how wasted they got or how hot they looked the previous night that they skipped stripping and went straight to foreplay with their one night one stand. The contradiction is so overwhelming my womb just shrunk.
Here's the deal, social media is a recent phenomena that has quickened the way we access and broadcast information. Since the whole point of social networking is to 'connect' with the world; we are starting to behave in a way that mimics genuine connection to the point we believe our ties are authentic, when in reality they are deceptive. People are confusing interactions with connections. Our interactions create weak ties but we are not developing real bonds to make a connection with the same people we interact with. I hear lots of complains about how Social media has transformed who we are and how we live. To some extent, that might be true, but I strongly believe social media has simply revealed who we have always been and has given us a stage to perform in our flawed glory. Ergo, social networking has extremely exposed us and most of us sign on to this exposure voluntarily. How about the people who get exposed involuntarily? I have seen people live tweet while on a date or update their status talking about how boring their date is. Most of the time, there is no malicious intent behind these tweets/status updates. Some dates are truly crap and you just feel like blurting it out but no matter how disastrous your date is, they really didn’t sign up to be publicly scrutinized and ridiculed. And truly speaking, does the world really care that the chic you took out to lunch chews with her mouth open? Or the guy smells like fish? And who really gives a crap about your intimate sexual encounters? Why? WHY? do you have to put that up on facebook or twitter?
I once read a note on facebook where a young woman wrote about her ex and how he’d cheated and lied and all that stuff. We know how it goes. She then went ahead and posted pictures of her ex and this new “fling” because she had apparently stalked him once she suspected her man was unfaithful. She followed him around, taking pictures while they were on dates, blah blah. She went ahead and gave really embarrassing details about their relationship. I guess this was her way of bringing him down and making the world really hate him for what he did to her. On the basis of the content of this note, I concluded maybe this guy was really created to be given up as a human sacrifice. It was obvious the woman found this post to be therapeutic and empowering. In my opinion, no matter how useless her ex was the absurdity and one sidedness of the post and the addition of pictures made that note a tad bit slanderous. Then she went ahead and tagged people in this note. Oh my, Jesus wept.
Trying to decide what you can or can't say about your love/private life on social platforms is a little too extreme. There is no internet police and it’s a matter of complete freedom where we can say what we want. However, what should we say? That’s a tricky territory and it’s totally up to you. I have read a plethora of status updates and tweets, especially from women complaining about their relationships. In fact, complaining and whining about your relationship problems and giving personal details about your drama is a great recipe to totally ruin and end your relationship. It’s a one way ticket to breakupville. Don't believe me? That’s fine. Try it. See how that goes.
So, what’s the solution? Do we just gag ourselves? No. Self-censorship in an attempt to being sensitive to others is overrated. It actually stifles creativity and individuality. It would also make the internet a really boring venue. However, we should be careful, not because you might write about your crazy ex and he turns up at your door naked with a whip and a box of chocolate and deviled eggs.( not like it’s a fantasy of mine or anything…) but simply because though we are young now, one day we will be old. And on that wretched day, when; we're able to tie our saggy breasts around our necks, and unwillingly wet our diapers, we may wish we hadn't publicly chronicled so much about our love lives. That’s the day we will sip on prune juice all constipated and say "it really wasn't worth it”. Hence, next time, someone tells me "please don't blog about this"....I will just respond..."cool". But if they turn around and publicly play journalist of their private lives, I will just comment and say "BANANAS".
Side note: When I'm old and wrinkly and in need of plastic surgery, I will just Google pictures of Joan Rivers and YouTube clips of the real housewives of New Jersey to scare myself. Those women look like.....never mind. You get the point.
Love, peace, joy.
NAMASTE
1. I just finally learned how to do the Douglas dance. Remember the song, teach me how to Douglas by Cali swag district? yeah that. I insist on calling it "the Douglas" instead of the the "the dougie". It psychologically makes me feel like I'm engaging in less coonery. Ergo, My inner black girl ghetto dance moves don't come to life.
2. I was reading the 'top ten ways to make money in 2011' list and number 7 said donate sperm; I feel so left out. Is this life? This is proof that top ten lists are nothing to take seriously. The criteria are biased and arbitrary.
And now today's post:
Once upon a time, we went out to the social networking world to 'connect' and 'interact' but now we spent 90% of our time posing for pictures on facebook and eagerly waiting to write on walls. Twitter on the other hand, is just a miniature school playground; same politics, same cliques, same herd mentality. Hence, Adulthood is just Childhood+taxes. There so many positive and negative aspects of social media. I really cannot go into detail because that would mean writing a whole novel. But are we exposing ourselves too much? Since the whole point is to connect with others, do we feel like we owe the world EVERYTHING we do? And how does this affect our dating lives? Yes, yes, these are rhetorical questions. Relax.
Ever since I started blogging, the phrase "please don't blog about this" is what I'm most likely to hear at the end of any social gathering or hangout. Some of my friends will tell me about their dates then turn around and say please don’t blog about this.. My response is always, "Ok, do you really think that your life is so interesting that I would blog about it?" History has proven that the world really doesn't care and my blog is not about YOUR life. There are some instances where I've gotten requests to blog about someone's experience and I will do it simply because it’s a great, meaningful life lesson that we could all learn from. But I will never ever waste my time to blog about someone's drunken adventure or tweet/update my status about personal details of someone I'm dating. That is clearly insane.
The "please don't blog about this" request has got me thinking how social media affects our lives ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating and relationships. The same people who request not to be blogged about are the same exact people who will tweet/update their status talking about how wasted they got or how hot they looked the previous night that they skipped stripping and went straight to foreplay with their one night one stand. The contradiction is so overwhelming my womb just shrunk.
Here's the deal, social media is a recent phenomena that has quickened the way we access and broadcast information. Since the whole point of social networking is to 'connect' with the world; we are starting to behave in a way that mimics genuine connection to the point we believe our ties are authentic, when in reality they are deceptive. People are confusing interactions with connections. Our interactions create weak ties but we are not developing real bonds to make a connection with the same people we interact with. I hear lots of complains about how Social media has transformed who we are and how we live. To some extent, that might be true, but I strongly believe social media has simply revealed who we have always been and has given us a stage to perform in our flawed glory. Ergo, social networking has extremely exposed us and most of us sign on to this exposure voluntarily. How about the people who get exposed involuntarily? I have seen people live tweet while on a date or update their status talking about how boring their date is. Most of the time, there is no malicious intent behind these tweets/status updates. Some dates are truly crap and you just feel like blurting it out but no matter how disastrous your date is, they really didn’t sign up to be publicly scrutinized and ridiculed. And truly speaking, does the world really care that the chic you took out to lunch chews with her mouth open? Or the guy smells like fish? And who really gives a crap about your intimate sexual encounters? Why? WHY? do you have to put that up on facebook or twitter?
I once read a note on facebook where a young woman wrote about her ex and how he’d cheated and lied and all that stuff. We know how it goes. She then went ahead and posted pictures of her ex and this new “fling” because she had apparently stalked him once she suspected her man was unfaithful. She followed him around, taking pictures while they were on dates, blah blah. She went ahead and gave really embarrassing details about their relationship. I guess this was her way of bringing him down and making the world really hate him for what he did to her. On the basis of the content of this note, I concluded maybe this guy was really created to be given up as a human sacrifice. It was obvious the woman found this post to be therapeutic and empowering. In my opinion, no matter how useless her ex was the absurdity and one sidedness of the post and the addition of pictures made that note a tad bit slanderous. Then she went ahead and tagged people in this note. Oh my, Jesus wept.
Trying to decide what you can or can't say about your love/private life on social platforms is a little too extreme. There is no internet police and it’s a matter of complete freedom where we can say what we want. However, what should we say? That’s a tricky territory and it’s totally up to you. I have read a plethora of status updates and tweets, especially from women complaining about their relationships. In fact, complaining and whining about your relationship problems and giving personal details about your drama is a great recipe to totally ruin and end your relationship. It’s a one way ticket to breakupville. Don't believe me? That’s fine. Try it. See how that goes.
So, what’s the solution? Do we just gag ourselves? No. Self-censorship in an attempt to being sensitive to others is overrated. It actually stifles creativity and individuality. It would also make the internet a really boring venue. However, we should be careful, not because you might write about your crazy ex and he turns up at your door naked with a whip and a box of chocolate and deviled eggs.( not like it’s a fantasy of mine or anything…) but simply because though we are young now, one day we will be old. And on that wretched day, when; we're able to tie our saggy breasts around our necks, and unwillingly wet our diapers, we may wish we hadn't publicly chronicled so much about our love lives. That’s the day we will sip on prune juice all constipated and say "it really wasn't worth it”. Hence, next time, someone tells me "please don't blog about this"....I will just respond..."cool". But if they turn around and publicly play journalist of their private lives, I will just comment and say "BANANAS".
Side note: When I'm old and wrinkly and in need of plastic surgery, I will just Google pictures of Joan Rivers and YouTube clips of the real housewives of New Jersey to scare myself. Those women look like.....never mind. You get the point.
Love, peace, joy.
NAMASTE
Mar 4, 2011
Stop chasing after relationships
Happy Friday everyone!!
A friend called me last night night needing advice and after I adviced her on the issue she told me "Oh my gosh! you should totally blog about this."
This girl called me crying saying her boyfriend had dumped her again. This wasn't the first time...This man constantly dumps her every single time they have an argument or a minor disagreement. He always ridicules how she looks, calls her a fat pig, ugly...all sorts of insults. Oh the most absurd part is he 'punishes' and physically abuses her. I found the punishment part quite amusing (not in a hahahaha kind of way) because I never knew boyfriends were appointed to play the father role as well. Anyways, I let her speak and pour her heart out for like a good one hour and I finally asked her "ok so what advice do you need?" Her answer was " I need you to tell me how to get him back. I love him so much I cannot afford to lose him". My jaw literally dropped. I was like this is BANANAS!!! This man is the worst, most draconian person possible; I wouldn't even let him babysit my little sister's doll. If he was a website, he would be a waste of skin and brain.com.
So I told her listen; growing up, I was constantly told " Linda, you are special and there is no one out there like you." My grandparents instilled this sense of confidence in me and told me you should love yourself first because there is no way on earth you can give or receive love if you don't grasp the concept of self worth and appreciation. I told her to let go. He is not even worth all the pain. This guy doesnt even deserve a blow up doll. He clearly has no ounce of love for you. What you're basically doing is saying here, I know you could care less about me but I still want to be with you anyway. That's like getting fired but still showing up to work faithfully, yet you not getting paid. Move on, it won't be easy but it will save you from a whole lot of emotional turmoil.
Quick side note to my lovely ladies : There's no delicate way to put this so I will just blurt it out : Staying in an abusive relationship doesn't even come close to unconditional love; ITS STUPID! When a guy has clearly indicated he doesn't want you, doesn't respect you as a person, and constantly assasinates your self-esteem....RUN. NO actually scratch that, don't run, SPRINT! You have to say to yourself, I deserve the best and I am special. And I am not telling you to be embrace this b*tchy egostistcal , kanye west megalomaniac attitude; all I'm saying is have this quiet, humble self confidence and set boundaries. Know when to make it work, and when to call it quits. My policy is abuse has no room in my world. And there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to abuse; whether is verbal, emotional or physical. NO man or woman should be abused. THE END.
Relationships are NEVER a walk in in the park, but they are only worth the effort and fight if you are with the right partner. Obama and Michelle were not built in a day.
Have a blessed weekend earthlings!!
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
A friend called me last night night needing advice and after I adviced her on the issue she told me "Oh my gosh! you should totally blog about this."
This girl called me crying saying her boyfriend had dumped her again. This wasn't the first time...This man constantly dumps her every single time they have an argument or a minor disagreement. He always ridicules how she looks, calls her a fat pig, ugly...all sorts of insults. Oh the most absurd part is he 'punishes' and physically abuses her. I found the punishment part quite amusing (not in a hahahaha kind of way) because I never knew boyfriends were appointed to play the father role as well. Anyways, I let her speak and pour her heart out for like a good one hour and I finally asked her "ok so what advice do you need?" Her answer was " I need you to tell me how to get him back. I love him so much I cannot afford to lose him". My jaw literally dropped. I was like this is BANANAS!!! This man is the worst, most draconian person possible; I wouldn't even let him babysit my little sister's doll. If he was a website, he would be a waste of skin and brain.com.
So I told her listen; growing up, I was constantly told " Linda, you are special and there is no one out there like you." My grandparents instilled this sense of confidence in me and told me you should love yourself first because there is no way on earth you can give or receive love if you don't grasp the concept of self worth and appreciation. I told her to let go. He is not even worth all the pain. This guy doesnt even deserve a blow up doll. He clearly has no ounce of love for you. What you're basically doing is saying here, I know you could care less about me but I still want to be with you anyway. That's like getting fired but still showing up to work faithfully, yet you not getting paid. Move on, it won't be easy but it will save you from a whole lot of emotional turmoil.
Quick side note to my lovely ladies : There's no delicate way to put this so I will just blurt it out : Staying in an abusive relationship doesn't even come close to unconditional love; ITS STUPID! When a guy has clearly indicated he doesn't want you, doesn't respect you as a person, and constantly assasinates your self-esteem....RUN. NO actually scratch that, don't run, SPRINT! You have to say to yourself, I deserve the best and I am special. And I am not telling you to be embrace this b*tchy egostistcal , kanye west megalomaniac attitude; all I'm saying is have this quiet, humble self confidence and set boundaries. Know when to make it work, and when to call it quits. My policy is abuse has no room in my world. And there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to abuse; whether is verbal, emotional or physical. NO man or woman should be abused. THE END.
Relationships are NEVER a walk in in the park, but they are only worth the effort and fight if you are with the right partner. Obama and Michelle were not built in a day.
Have a blessed weekend earthlings!!
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Mar 1, 2011
The beauty Trick
I'm going to be quite honest; I think the cultural space that young ladies have at the moment is very poisonous and brain washing. The reason I say this is because a massive emphasis is placed on a girl's physical apprearance, and as a result of that there is a huge pressure on all of us to conform to this ridiculous notion of what is 'beautiful' .One of the really scary things is that what the media advertises and pushes to be 'beautiful' is a very narrow image. You have to be tall, thin, really light skinned or really blonde. Most women dont even fit into that bracket and therefore we're being told that girls that dont fit in to this 'beauty category' are not pretty enough.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
