I got a call from a friend of mine a week ago and she was basically heartbroken as a result of the ultimate betrayal from a dear friend of hers. She wanted me to blog about this because she felt someone out there could benefit from this story. so here we go:
2 years ago..My friend Anne (not real name) was in a relationship with a wonderful guy. Everything was fine untill she made the the biggest mistake ever....She cheated on her boyfriend. The guilt was slowly killing her so she decided to confide in one of her "best" friends but she never told her boyfriend because she was scared of loosing him. #pause. One day, Anne's friend was going through a financial turmoil and her car was about to be repossessed ....out of kindness and love, Anne loaned her 2,000 Dollars to help. Fast forward two years later, Her friend still hasn't paid her a single dime and is now acting like she doesn't owe Anne anything. This really took a toll on their friendship. Anyways 2 weeks ago, it was Anne's Fiancee's birthday and she made reservations at Blue Mesa grill in Addison, Tx and she had invited 30 guests. I was not able to go so I just sent a gift. While at Blue Mesa..they ran into Anne's friend..she was there with her boyfriend as well and two other friends. This friend of hers got overly upset over the fact that she was not invited to the birthday dinner and what not. Lots of words were exchanged and the situation escalated into a heated argument and in the midst of all these people and Anne's boyfriend....this chic yelled "AT LEAST I DIDN'T CHEAT ON MY BOYFRIEND".
Anne's fiancee got really mad...which he had every right to and Men are not like women where they will calm down, re-think and forgive. Men have their ego and so this man dumped Anne in front of Everybody and walked off. Mark you, they were living together so now Anne was left homeless and 2,000 dollars poorer.
NOW I am not in any way condoning what Anne did...cheating is wrong period...she should have told her boyfriend and maybe things would be different...BUT this chic had NO business airing out her best friend's secret in public. That's Betrayal. Many females are really catty and just have no idea about the norm of friendship. I'm not saying every female out there is like this...but when someone actually takes the time to trust in you and confide in you then you better respect that. No one is perfect. If you have a problem with me just tell me in person instead of publicly humiliating and assassinating my integrity. This led me to formulate the top 3 tips you should use to determine who is a friend, acquaintance, associate or simply a no-use dirty rat :
1. Surround yourself with people who have the same mindset and values as you do. They don't have to have the same exact goals as you but having lots of things in common is a plus. Friends are supposed to be our checks and balances . If you have a friend who just agrees with everything you do and doesn't take the time to correct you when they think you are going on the wrong path then that's just an idiot with no opinion. If such people were a website; they would be a waste of skin.com. Beware of people who talk behind your back. These are the Judas Iscariot of today.
2. Rank your friends....this sounds like am discriminating but I'm honestly not. This ranking system helps you decide who to confide in and who to keep as an associate. Never tell your secrets to just anybody..they will destroy you.
3. The best way to determine a true friend is to watch how they argue....if someone uses an argument as a perfect opportunity to publicly assasinate your character and dispense everything you have told them then thats the devil...they are not worthy of even your attention. stay away from these people. You can party with them and have a good time but the line gets drawn there. I wouldn't even trust them with my pet.
Be really careful who you call your "friends". Its ok to get rid of toxic good for nothing people in your life. Friendship is a two way street. If at any point you feel like you are the only person trying to contribute to the value of friendship then just stop, and move on.
That's all I have for now. More blog posts coming your way.
NAMASTE!
Jan 31, 2011
Jan 30, 2011
Life thus far........
I'm sure you guys have been wondering what planet I moved to...Yeah I seriously need to step up my blogging game. Its not laziness...its just I have so much going on in my life right now...its just riduculous! Anywho...I sure hope each and everyone of you has been well.
The most burning question I have been getting is "what have you been up to?"
I can't really tell you everything I've been up to but there's been lots of self-discovery, growth, ups, downs...the list goes on.....
1.I have some really exciting stuff...but no I won't share it at the moment so yeah...BUMMER
2.Lately my family has been talking to me about marriage.....touchy subject to me...But anyways, hey am 24, and they just think am approaching that age where I should be in a "serious" exclusive relationship....I will stop at that.
3.There is a HIGH possibility I will be changing majors....I've done some serious soul searching and I might just do it! Nothing drastic....still a health science major but just a different field...Cows never choose to be hamburgers, hence sometimes Life's situations just can't be avoided....
4. I Think I've ran out of middle fingers to show the devil...That monster never knows went to stop...
5.A fitness regimen would do wonders for my thick frame right now...
6.There is a high possibility I might start another blog...geared mostly towards beauty, fashion, health, women issues, and my new "passion"...details coming soon...
7.Quick shout out to Ben and Wanjira (in kenya) ...congrats on your engagement.....NOw when All my highschool friends are getting married, engaged and having babies....Time for me to do we call wake the fudge up!
8.When friends magically change for the worst and just act like they better than you, or you have to kiss their behind..then its time to let go....Shout out to all these people..I don't kiss a$$...its best we part...DEUCES!
9.Tommorow's blog will blow your mind...
10. Stay safe..its about to freeze up in here...come tuesday some of ya'll will be skiing and sledding to work! stay warm by ALL means....Whatever that means to you.
NAMASTE.
Jan 24, 2011
Ice Breaker
Oh my word! I just feel like I abadoned this blog nah.! I should not be doing this O...Hey chineke...I have a pretty good reason though! So Let me just apologize to my readers for keeping you in the dark! Abeg...Forgive me oh!
On a more serious note...I have lots of juicy, juicy, juicy blogs coming up! Some might be a bit controversial but to such is Life.
#BigShoutOut to my REAL friends...keyword here being REAL....Chei...you guys are my Life O. Thank you JISOS for putting these people in my life..I seriously LOVE you all.
Stay safe!!
On a more serious note...I have lots of juicy, juicy, juicy blogs coming up! Some might be a bit controversial but to such is Life.
#BigShoutOut to my REAL friends...keyword here being REAL....Chei...you guys are my Life O. Thank you JISOS for putting these people in my life..I seriously LOVE you all.
Stay safe!!
Jan 16, 2011
You may just wanna......
Hey, hey ,hey!!!! I hope you All enjoyed your weekend. Mine was pretty much an emotional roller-coaster! I will stop at that. Anyways, I have been receiving a lot of emails, facebook messages, texts and calls about my hair! As most of you know, I recently went natural..NO more perms for me; and actually january 15th was my 4 month hairverssary since I did my big chop! ( cutting off all the permed ends of your hair). I receive a zillion questions about my crown of glory (hair). I have friends who want to go natural but they are scared of what society will think of them or simply think no man will want them...Sigh...now if a dude will not date you coz of your hair then HE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN YOU THINK!! Here is my motto : I AM NOT MY HAIR!!!. I have therefore decided to answer most of those questions right here, right now. If you wondering where you at, especially the gents, This is Hairology 101...LETS DO THIS!!!
1. Why did you go natural ?
My permed hair was SEVERELY DAMAGED from all those chemical processes. I also wanted to free myself from the mental hair slavery in the black community, whereby straight permed hair is considered beautiful. I wanted to embrace myself for who I am, grow beautiful healthy natural hair and prove to myself that you don't have to live up to society's standards of beauty. Besides..spending 75 dollars every two weeks on hair was RIDICULOUS!!
2. Is it hard to take care of natural hair?
No! Growing beautiful, healthy hair is a task whether you are relaxed or natural. It takes constant effort, dedication, and time to achieve your hair goals. The only downside of being natural is takes you longer to do your hair regimen but its all worth it.
3. Did you transition?
NO. At first I wanted to transition but dealing with 2 textures of hair (permed and new growth) was just too much for my brain. I Had kinky twists for 2.5 months, took them out and did the "big chop".
4.I don't know anything about natural hair, how do you take care of it?
Same way you take care of relaxed hair. Although many naturals will tell you that some ingredients should be avoided, Hence when shopping for hair products, Avoid anything containing sulfates, mineral oil, parabens, synthetic preservatives....If you wanna know these ingredients and why they are bad for you just Give me a holla!! To be honest I was very intimated at first but thanks to youtube and doing my own research..I have learned a lot about hair and hair care!!! #blessed.
5. What Products do you use?
I am still trying out different products to see what really works well with my hair.Here are the products I use currently:
My staple Products:
These are the ones that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and will continue using till the day I DIE
- African shea butter, Extra virgin coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil, castor oil.
Products I use but are not my staple yet:
Shampoo : Giovanni smooth as silk deep moisture shampoo
Conditioner : VO5, Dessert essence lemon and tea tree, Suave coconut tropical
Deep conditioner : Organic root stimulator replenishing conditioner
Leave in conditioner : Shea moisture shea butter leave in with aloe vera , jojoba oil and vitamin E (THE BEST LEAVE IN EVER) and Aphogee pro-vitamin leave in treatment.
Hair spritz : water with liquid aloe vera gel
Here is my hair regimen :
Cleansing/clarifying/washing
I shampoo My hair once a week, or more, depending on whether or not I worked out.
Pre-shampoo treatment : vatika oil, coconut oil, castor oil, olive oil and honey mixed with one of my cheapie conditioners. ( 1-2 hours)
After I pre-shampoo, I proceed with shampooing.
After a workout I co-wash (washing hair using conditioner) with my regular conditioner. Co- washing is great because It gently cleanses the scalp and hair without stripping it of its natural oils like shampoo does.
I clarify (removing product buildup from hair) Using castille soap, African black soap, Eluscence clarifying shampoo or I do an acid vinegar rinse...depending on what's at hand.
I deep condition once weekly for 45 mins to an hour and I do a protein deep treatments every 4 to six weeks using henna or Ion's super strength treatment pack. Protein re-strengthens your hair. ALways follow a protein treatment with a moisturizing deep conditioner because it leaves the hair dry.
Styling...I mostly wear braid outs and twist outs, funky afros or a picked out 70's style afro. When My hair grows longer, I will have more styilng options.
I moisturize daily with my water + aloe vera gel mixture and I seal the moisture with coconut and castor oil or shea butter.
And, there you have it!!! Thanks for all the compliments you give me about my hair and if you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.
If there's anyone out there who is thinking of going natural...DO IT! you will not regret it! It takes a lot of courage though! its a journey! but at the end of the day you will love how healthy your hair be.
P.S : I am not a hair nazi...so if you are love perming your hair..go for it! whatever works for you just rock it! Perms worked great for me for the last 12 years but it reached a point where I think my hair was over processed wioth chemicals to a point it became dull and fragile and just fell of! What works for me, won't work for you so JUST DO YOU!
Always remember: You are not your hair! and beauty is more than just long, silky flowing hair!
#Now playing letting go (dutty love) -sean kingston ft Nicki Minaj.....I can dance to this song ALL DAY!
NB: music is my life!...just saying
Have a blessed week everyone!
NAMASTE!
1. Why did you go natural ?
My permed hair was SEVERELY DAMAGED from all those chemical processes. I also wanted to free myself from the mental hair slavery in the black community, whereby straight permed hair is considered beautiful. I wanted to embrace myself for who I am, grow beautiful healthy natural hair and prove to myself that you don't have to live up to society's standards of beauty. Besides..spending 75 dollars every two weeks on hair was RIDICULOUS!!
2. Is it hard to take care of natural hair?
No! Growing beautiful, healthy hair is a task whether you are relaxed or natural. It takes constant effort, dedication, and time to achieve your hair goals. The only downside of being natural is takes you longer to do your hair regimen but its all worth it.
3. Did you transition?
NO. At first I wanted to transition but dealing with 2 textures of hair (permed and new growth) was just too much for my brain. I Had kinky twists for 2.5 months, took them out and did the "big chop".
4.I don't know anything about natural hair, how do you take care of it?
Same way you take care of relaxed hair. Although many naturals will tell you that some ingredients should be avoided, Hence when shopping for hair products, Avoid anything containing sulfates, mineral oil, parabens, synthetic preservatives....If you wanna know these ingredients and why they are bad for you just Give me a holla!! To be honest I was very intimated at first but thanks to youtube and doing my own research..I have learned a lot about hair and hair care!!! #blessed.
5. What Products do you use?
I am still trying out different products to see what really works well with my hair.Here are the products I use currently:
My staple Products:
These are the ones that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and will continue using till the day I DIE
- African shea butter, Extra virgin coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil, castor oil.
Products I use but are not my staple yet:
Shampoo : Giovanni smooth as silk deep moisture shampoo
Conditioner : VO5, Dessert essence lemon and tea tree, Suave coconut tropical
Deep conditioner : Organic root stimulator replenishing conditioner
Leave in conditioner : Shea moisture shea butter leave in with aloe vera , jojoba oil and vitamin E (THE BEST LEAVE IN EVER) and Aphogee pro-vitamin leave in treatment.
Hair spritz : water with liquid aloe vera gel
Here is my hair regimen :
Cleansing/clarifying/washing
I shampoo My hair once a week, or more, depending on whether or not I worked out.
Pre-shampoo treatment : vatika oil, coconut oil, castor oil, olive oil and honey mixed with one of my cheapie conditioners. ( 1-2 hours)
After I pre-shampoo, I proceed with shampooing.
After a workout I co-wash (washing hair using conditioner) with my regular conditioner. Co- washing is great because It gently cleanses the scalp and hair without stripping it of its natural oils like shampoo does.
I clarify (removing product buildup from hair) Using castille soap, African black soap, Eluscence clarifying shampoo or I do an acid vinegar rinse...depending on what's at hand.
I deep condition once weekly for 45 mins to an hour and I do a protein deep treatments every 4 to six weeks using henna or Ion's super strength treatment pack. Protein re-strengthens your hair. ALways follow a protein treatment with a moisturizing deep conditioner because it leaves the hair dry.
Styling...I mostly wear braid outs and twist outs, funky afros or a picked out 70's style afro. When My hair grows longer, I will have more styilng options.
I moisturize daily with my water + aloe vera gel mixture and I seal the moisture with coconut and castor oil or shea butter.
And, there you have it!!! Thanks for all the compliments you give me about my hair and if you have any more questions please feel free to contact me.
If there's anyone out there who is thinking of going natural...DO IT! you will not regret it! It takes a lot of courage though! its a journey! but at the end of the day you will love how healthy your hair be.
P.S : I am not a hair nazi...so if you are love perming your hair..go for it! whatever works for you just rock it! Perms worked great for me for the last 12 years but it reached a point where I think my hair was over processed wioth chemicals to a point it became dull and fragile and just fell of! What works for me, won't work for you so JUST DO YOU!
Always remember: You are not your hair! and beauty is more than just long, silky flowing hair!
#Now playing letting go (dutty love) -sean kingston ft Nicki Minaj.....I can dance to this song ALL DAY!
NB: music is my life!...just saying
Have a blessed week everyone!
NAMASTE!
Jan 11, 2011
Keeping it real
Sometimes I wonder about myself. I feel like I'm this bold, fearless, strong black woman, but then again a part of me is terrified! I feel like I can handle things on my own but truth is sometimes I do crumble and lose it. Yes I'm human and no matter how "awesome" or "cool" you find me...at the end of the day I am not perfect and I will not, I repeat, I will not live up to your expectations just to prove a point to you or " keep me in your good books". This brings me to the whole "keeping it real" slogan that lots of people try to throw around!
I've come to realize that many people are just fake. You ask them something and instead of just giving an honest answer, the will tell you either what you want to hear or they will try to give you the "right" answer. *big sigh*.
Have you guys ever met people who are just way to positive or just think they are so perfect ? These are the kind of people that walk around just giving out extremely positive vibes, to the point they make you feel "weird" or "lame". For example, I met this random chic at my bank and we started having small talk! She claimed to love my accent and told me she is originally from New Orleans but moved to Dallas after hurricane Katrina. So this is what I said her: " Katrina was horrible, I'm just glad you are one of the lucky survivors"...EEEHHHHH you are not going to believe what this woman told me...she looked me in the eye and her exact words were : " There is a reason for everything, I Praise God for hurricane Katrina because even though many people lost their lives, farmers were able to get rain for their crops and that sinful city was washed away. The Lord says that anything that is not pure will be destroyed! I believe in the mighty hand of God..are you saved dear?" I almost passed out!...WHHHHAAAAAT????? Ok hold up! Is that what being positive means? Now that's what I call being flat out ridiculous! I simply said "nice to meet you" and went about with my business.
People...its ok to vent, its ok to be angry, annoyed and fuss about life sometimes! DO not fight your feelings and emotions just because you want to give out this "superhuman" vibe. NO wait it gets better..I love it when people say.."I never worry, When things go wrong, and when the Devil is trying to take control of the situation, I seek the Lord. I cry upon Jesus' name and I read the holy Bible. The word of God Is all powerful and all those that worry do not know who Jesus is"....* mouth wide open*....I am not disputing that. I am a strong believer in God and his word but truth is did you just recite all that because that was the right thing to say at the moment? DO you really want to tell me that if things go wrong you NEVER EVER ponder upon it? REALLY? REALLY? Now do not get me wrong..I pray ALOT but even though I "surrender" it all to Christ A part of me still worries about the outcome of things.That's part of human nature. We are born of sin and there are some things are just coded into our DNA and there is nothing we can do about that. Stop fighting who you are, stop trying to be perfect because no one is perfect.
I have said this once and I will say it again..the easiest job on earth is being yourself and If you cannot be YOU, then I don't know what else to tell you! With that being said here is a list of what I have decided to do this year:
1. Have a better relationship with GOD
2. Stop trying to impress everyone
3. Live up to NO ONE'S Expectations but GOD
4. Do me, and surround myself with nothing but positive people
5.Have faith
6. stand up for what is right and true
7. Have faithand pray for my haters
8. Accept and let go
9.Face myself, open up a lot more
10. Forgive
NAMASTE!!!
I've come to realize that many people are just fake. You ask them something and instead of just giving an honest answer, the will tell you either what you want to hear or they will try to give you the "right" answer. *big sigh*.
Have you guys ever met people who are just way to positive or just think they are so perfect ? These are the kind of people that walk around just giving out extremely positive vibes, to the point they make you feel "weird" or "lame". For example, I met this random chic at my bank and we started having small talk! She claimed to love my accent and told me she is originally from New Orleans but moved to Dallas after hurricane Katrina. So this is what I said her: " Katrina was horrible, I'm just glad you are one of the lucky survivors"...EEEHHHHH you are not going to believe what this woman told me...she looked me in the eye and her exact words were : " There is a reason for everything, I Praise God for hurricane Katrina because even though many people lost their lives, farmers were able to get rain for their crops and that sinful city was washed away. The Lord says that anything that is not pure will be destroyed! I believe in the mighty hand of God..are you saved dear?" I almost passed out!...WHHHHAAAAAT????? Ok hold up! Is that what being positive means? Now that's what I call being flat out ridiculous! I simply said "nice to meet you" and went about with my business.
People...its ok to vent, its ok to be angry, annoyed and fuss about life sometimes! DO not fight your feelings and emotions just because you want to give out this "superhuman" vibe. NO wait it gets better..I love it when people say.."I never worry, When things go wrong, and when the Devil is trying to take control of the situation, I seek the Lord. I cry upon Jesus' name and I read the holy Bible. The word of God Is all powerful and all those that worry do not know who Jesus is"....* mouth wide open*....I am not disputing that. I am a strong believer in God and his word but truth is did you just recite all that because that was the right thing to say at the moment? DO you really want to tell me that if things go wrong you NEVER EVER ponder upon it? REALLY? REALLY? Now do not get me wrong..I pray ALOT but even though I "surrender" it all to Christ A part of me still worries about the outcome of things.That's part of human nature. We are born of sin and there are some things are just coded into our DNA and there is nothing we can do about that. Stop fighting who you are, stop trying to be perfect because no one is perfect.
I have said this once and I will say it again..the easiest job on earth is being yourself and If you cannot be YOU, then I don't know what else to tell you! With that being said here is a list of what I have decided to do this year:
1. Have a better relationship with GOD
2. Stop trying to impress everyone
3. Live up to NO ONE'S Expectations but GOD
4. Do me, and surround myself with nothing but positive people
5.Have faith
6. stand up for what is right and true
7. Have faithand pray for my haters
8. Accept and let go
9.Face myself, open up a lot more
10. Forgive
NAMASTE!!!
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