DEUCES 2010

Hello Earthlings, and home skillets!!! I hope each and everyone of you enjoyed their christmas holidays! 

2010 is coming to an end (about time). I really can't say 2010 has been the best year of my life because I would be lying! Were there any challenges? OH YES! were there any good times? HECK YEAH!  I'm not a huge fan of new year's resolutions because truth be told those resolutions are hardly met...well am speaking for myself here. If there's anyone out there who meets every single resolution at the end of the year then Kudos to you! May the pigs with you and let it be known that you are bomb.com!

So before we start 2011..If its in God's plan ....I've got a few things to let out of my chest ( just incase I drop dead at 11:59 on december 31st) :

1. To My family ...love you! 

2. To ALL MY TRUE  AND BEST FRIENDS ...Thank you so much for being part of my life. Thank you for putting up with my moodiness, and craziness sometimes and just standing by me through thick and thin ....This only applies to those who actually matter. some of you willl read and go aaawwww and you know very well you avoided me when I needed you the most or you just became lame and thought you''re  too cool for me and decided to just..I don't know.....*sigh*...anyways... well pppsshhh Guess what?......Never mind.

3.To all the Fake people....I still got some love left in me for you. so if are ever in need...just holla at your girl. If I am in a position where I can help I will, And if am not able to...atleast I will hand you tissue to wipe your tears!

4.To everyone else whom I haven't met personally but you stop by my facebook page or status update  and leave a comment...Thanks!!!

5. To all my stalkers...GET A LIFE! here are a few options: lock yourself up in a water bottle and drown, jump in the lake and disappear, get 10 jobs to keep you busy....go for a walk and never come back..ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU AWAY FROM ME!

6. To anyone I wronged....I AM SO SORRY! lets have a fresh start shall we?

8. Let's have a toast for the douche bags, the liars and all the bastards that just brought nothing but misery to my life! And lets have a special toast to the lucky dude that will have me...I know some Ladies are frustrated coz Prince Charming  hasnt' arrived yet...chill..he is on his way...Maybe his Horse is tired, Maybe he is lost and went to Timbuktu instead, Maybe he stopped At Kentucky Fried chicken....or if he is like mine..he is In Africa, and HE IS WALKING TO AMERICA!!!..yeah you get the point! Enough with the sarcasm....or as Kenyans  love to put it..."OMG YOU ARE SO IRONIC".....NKT! Irony and sarcasm are two different things!

Major changes have got to be made in 2011. Toxic people in my life will be non existent to me. With that being said..If you do not hear from me it simply means you are part of the change! I will basically be the same person, if you know what I mean, BUT I just wont tolerate some things! 

I wish you all a happy new year, Filled with nothing but blessings from GOD. Put God first and you will amazed at what he will do for you. May God be with you all and your families. If we don't meet in 2010, God willing we will see each other next year, and if we don't then We shall meet in heaven. Hell is no place for me! Texas heat taught me that the only place to be is heaven..there is Jesus, fruits, vegetables, Air conditioning! ( No pizza though). Anyways, TOODLES and may GOD''S BLESSINGS BE WITH YOU ALL.

NAMASTE!

Life's hurdles

BIG SIGH...There comes a time when life just throws lemons at you. But in my situation, life is not throwing those lemons..it is HURLING them at my family and I. So what do you do? well you make lemonade right? RIIIIGGGHHHHTTTT...thats easy to say.

I would like to kindly ask you to consider my family and I in your prayers. If you are one of those individuals that don't believe prayer then just have us in your thoughts and wish us well. uuhhhmm I guess the devil looked around and just decided to invade the Juma family. Gosh this hurts so bad. I usually hate talking about my trials and tribulations but this is just too much and its all happenning AT ONCE!! But I guess GOD knows why, and I believe everything happens for a reason. So My humble prayer is may God's will be done!!

Never underestimate these words: When it rains it pours.

On that note...I won't be blogging for a while. I just need time to let this shit sink in my head and just let everything out. So feel free to email me, facebook me, call me, text me, whatever..Anything you find suitable.

A great saying on Life's hurdles : "Life’s problems wouldn’t be called “hurdles” if there wasn’t a way to get over them." Author Unknown .

Random thoughts...A must read

Slavery isn’t a crime perpetuated by one race against another. At least not anymore… It’s now a state of mind- an inferiority complex inflicted on one’s own race by oneself. I’ve come to this realisation because of the comments, preferences and trends I have observed within this race we call “black”. An African guy (born and raised) tweeting that African girls are not fine…an African woman obsessed with sewing an oblivious South-American or Asian woman’s hair onto her head…an entire race striving to be what it is not.

Fumiso ( My naija buddy) once blogged about that, and it resonated with me. The reason we have these ferocious “black is beautiful” campaigns and affirmations is because we need them. We NEED to hear that we are these things because no one says it otherwise. White doesn’t have to be reminded that it is beautiful…European hair does not need a natural hair movement to spread the word about the beauty of its long, silky locks…that b**ch KNOWS. The voluptuous, full-lipped, dark-skinned, nappy-headed girl on the other hand needs to be drilled…infused…inundated with these affirmations because sadly, in most cases, she will never get such admiration otherwise. Even black people ourselves idolise the fairer ones with slender features- characteristics atypical of our bodies- at the expense of those who through no fault of theirs look “too African” or are just “plain ugly”. What does “ugly” even mean, anyway? That my lips aren’t thin enough or my nose is too flat? Or that I’m just not worthy of your attention?


Take me from Instance, A thick, curvy, East African, Western Kenyan girl. Growing up I was always bone skinny. Infact kids made fun of me at school saying I would never get a boyfriend coz I was thin and "unattractive". While my 15 years old peers had big boobs, wore a double Z bra and had hips sticking out making all the Guys drool....I had small lumps and my booty wasnt even that cute. Boys called me cute but never HOT! Then I turned 16 and BAM! ish happenned...and I never fit into my size 2 clothes ever again. SO am I supposed to hate myself since my thighs are huge, my butt is Abundant and my hips can't fit in anything? ....Here is a quote from a Kenyan dude : " I like my women thin, slim and on point. I don't like to not have the chance to carry my woman or shoppin at the extra large department"...BREAKS!!! Did you just seriously tell me this? for real dude? You are a disgrace to your Mom. Go jerk off and get an effing life. TRICK. How about the guy that called me fat today?..SMH I am who I am. Am not going to look like a twig just to attract one guy. Here is my principle : Like me for who I am. There is more to me than just physical appreance  and if you haven't taken the time to learn who This Linda chic is then you are a sore loser. I am  me. PERIOD

It sickens me that this mental slavery is reinforced each and every day by the very people it holds in captivity. Reading any black entertainment blog and the hateful comments on others’ appearance will show this. The fact that women spend inordinate amounts of money (sometimes instalmentally) on other women’s God-given hair without a credible and sustainable stream of income proves this. And the kinds of girls that our men tend to lust after further etches it in stone. The quintessential black sex goddess (read sarcasm) has an Indian woman’s hair, a Brazilian woman’s complexion and is dressed like an American video ho. Seriously. Seriously?

I cannot count how many times a guy has asked my what the f*ck I did to my hair (and I quote). “I prefer you with your longer hair”, they say. You mean you prefer me with some other woman’s longer hair. I even got told that I am becoming more Kenyan, just cos the  person heard me speaking Kiswahili…you could all but see the negative connotations that weighed on the word “Kenyan” in that sentence. It’s like my British/ American  education is supposed to have washed away the undesirable African in me and replaced it with a more American-friendly Linda (weave-included at a slight extra cost). I would be the first person to admit that everyone is entitled to their tastes, preferences and opinions. But something is wrong when the men whose companions we are supposed to be want to model us after something else. AND WE LET THEM. More than that, we go a step further and actively encourage them by putting down others who do not conform to the trend. My idea of the creation story was that making Eve from Adam’s rib symbolised the complementary functions that men and women have to play viz-a-viz one another. Where they falter, we should support and when we are weak, they should be strong. God knows a woman’s weakness- let alone a black woman- lies considerably in the image she has of herself. Do we really need our men and fellow women chipping away at this even more?

I am in no way arguing that everyone should claim to be pretty or expect to be regarded as such. Beauty is defined as such for the very reason that it excludes. We have the idea of beauty or attractiveness because there are things which we do not find physically beautiful or attractive. The problem I have is when this physical appearance is all a woman is judged on. Women who inspire me- Michelle Obama, Funmi Iyanda, Maya Angelou, Toni Morrison- aren’t exactly Page Six Models. But I don’t give a crap. Neither should anyone with an IQ higher than 5. Their character, their achievements… WHO THEY ARE… those things count for way more than some myopic notion of what is exotic or not. The very idea that beauty has to be exotic in itself is stupid. It reeks of inadequacy and self-loathing. . Voila. 

From my heart to my blog

1. I have to trust in God.....No matter what. Even though things look weary and scary, even when nothing is making sense or "perfect". As I sit here typing..am actually heavy hearted, angry, disgusted, frustrated...you name it. I've had a very rough and tough week. And even though I walk around laughing (which anyone that knows me well knows how much I loooove to laugh), smiling and being bubbly as usual ..am actually DYING on the inside. But GOD has never failed me. Never. He has been with me every walk of my life and the cool part is before heartache can ever touch my life..it goess through His hands. Thank you JAH!

2.I'm running my second half marathon this sunday, December 5th. Its the Dallas white rock marathon which is one of the largest running events in Dallas. All the money and proceeds benefit the Scottish Rite Children's hospital. Wish me luck coz I didnt train as well as I was supposed to.

3.There are times in our lives where certain things we are trusting and waiting on God are put on "PAUSE"...and we are just waiting for God to press " PLAY". Be it relationships...career...healing of broken relationships...money...healing...whatever...we can only pray that God will press " PLAY" and get that area of our lives into motion. Press " PLAY" Lord...take the heaviness away...

4.Pharmacy school applications are uhhm tedious and can really break your bank. 150 per school per application and 75 for each school's supplemental application. Where am I getting that money? DON'T KNOW!!!

5. I feel Like crying , screaming on top of my lungs and showing the world my middle finger.

6. Thank you Larona, Rachel, Latissa and Kylie for making my night. Especially Larona ..girl you are special.



This is all I have for now....I know it doesn't seem like much but I am just not in the mood today...*sigh*...I know it will be better tomorrow!!

Relationship Ponderings

She is the definition of unique. Outgoing but introverted, loves music, funny, bubbly but quiet sometimes. Sort of that southern Belle. He was tall, spanky, sponteneous, sweet, loving, caring, romantic...well atleast thats what she thought. They were both college students so they met at school. Was it love at first sight? NOOOOOOOOO WAAAYYYY. Infact she was NOT attracted to him. After several "first date turn downs", He finally worked his magic and Viola' She showed up at his doorstep for a "date". She wore this Pretty floral black and white short, flare dress with a black Sweater blazer and black 6 inch heels....Yes she is a very girly girl and heels are a staple in her closet. Her hair was in a bun with side bangs, foundation and eyeshadow were on point. NO lipstick..can't be daring on a first date..just lip gloss..yes girl make those lips pop out!!! Mascara could not be forgotten, and How about the purse? It was black and burgundy.

She pulled up, heart racing, nervous coz yeah even though they'd been talking and txting for the past 10 days..she still wasnt sure what was gonna happen. He was outside waiting, showed her where to park. What was he wearing? regular jeans and a sweatshirt...uuhhh ok...weren't you expecting a GIRL? Dude atleast look decent. ..anyways..she didnt mind coz at this point she was kinda attracted to him anyways...They hugged, he smelled delicious. that cologne was ON POINT. So, before this whole "hangout" or "date" was planned..he has said he would cook dinner for her. She walks in..NO FOOD!! *cricket chirps*...uuhhm its ok.. He offers to buy her pizza she refuses...coz she was tryna be cool.

So they sat, and talked. They listened to music too...not just any music..good love songs. See, he knew what she liked and thats exactly what he pounced on. Here she is going awwww...he is the best!!!...YEAH GIRL THATS COZ YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS CAPABLE OF YET. and then outta nowhere he tells the girl to close her eyes...ok now open em..WOW!!!! Beautiful necklace..aawwww...now at this point she was SOLD!! This N**a didnt cook but he got me a Present..yeah in your face!! It looked expensive too....lets just say that was the birth of a relationship.
She loved him dearly...This Chic done lost her mofo mind coz she thought she found "the one".  She even brought him home to Mama. A few people warned her..she never listened. She stood ber her so called man and defended him at all times even when he clearly was acting like an a$$hole. Now she saw some redflags but she ignored em ALL coz in her mind she just said oh no one is perfect. She put up with his ever changing moods, anger problems, partying, ego issues..you name it. There were times where they would makes plans and he would stand her up on these dates. Then it slowly went from calls everyday to no calls, strictly txts..then the texts turned into no communication at all. A TON of broken promises...am not talking about silly woof woof promises..am talking MAJOR promises...then it finally dawned on her that this so called relationship is just a mere joke. Things went  sour in a matter of months. He treated her like CRAP, and the relationship ended.

She was hurt..why? coz she genuinely loved this guy. she was there for him when he needed help and loved him for who he was. On the other hand...he was just on one of his rounds. He could have cared less. why? coz he has endless chics lined up to be with him. She was nothing to him but a pawn. A frikkin Pawn. Now its hard for someone like me to grasp the idea of why anyone would decide to play and gamble with someone's emotions. Well, my heart seriously goes out to her.

Fast forward a few months later..Girl is happy and thankful that this so called love affair came to an end. She deserves waaayyyy better. Does she hate him? nope. hate is a strong emotion. She just truly hates what he does though. She wishes him well in all his endevours. Life is short.  Her prayer to him though is Grow up, stop playing games coz you hurting alot of females out there, and finally stop spending your times collecting stones while you let diamonds slip by.

The end!!!!!