Social Networking & Dating

Before I start today's blog post...

1. I just finally learned how to do the Douglas dance. Remember the song, teach me how to Douglas by Cali swag district? yeah that. I insist on calling it "the Douglas" instead of the the "the dougie". It psychologically makes me feel like I'm engaging in less coonery. Ergo, My inner black girl ghetto dance moves don't come to life.

2. I was reading the 'top ten ways to make money in 2011' list and number 7 said donate sperm; I feel so left out. Is this life? This is proof that top ten lists are nothing to take seriously. The criteria are biased and arbitrary.

And now today's post:

Once upon a time, we went out to the social networking world to 'connect' and 'interact' but now we spent 90% of our time posing for pictures on facebook and eagerly waiting to write on walls. Twitter on the other hand, is just a miniature school playground; same politics, same cliques, same herd mentality. Hence, Adulthood is just Childhood+taxes. There so many positive and negative aspects of social media. I really cannot go into detail because that would mean writing a whole novel. But are we exposing ourselves too much? Since the whole point is to connect with others, do we feel like we owe the world EVERYTHING we do? And how does this affect our dating lives? Yes, yes, these are rhetorical questions. Relax.

Ever since I started blogging, the phrase "please don't blog about this" is what I'm most likely to hear at the end of any social gathering or hangout. Some of my friends will tell me about their dates then turn around and say please don’t blog about this.. My response is always, "Ok, do you really think that your life is so interesting that I would blog about it?" History has proven that the world really doesn't care and my blog is not about YOUR life. There are some instances where I've gotten requests to blog about someone's experience and I will do it simply because it’s a great, meaningful life lesson that we could all learn from. But I will never ever waste my time to blog about someone's drunken adventure or tweet/update my status about personal details of someone I'm dating. That is clearly insane.

The "please don't blog about this" request has got me thinking how social media affects our lives ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating and relationships. The same people who request not to be blogged about are the same exact people who will tweet/update their status talking about how wasted they got or how hot they looked the previous night that they skipped stripping and went straight to foreplay with their one night one stand. The contradiction is so overwhelming my womb just shrunk.

Here's the deal, social media is a recent phenomena that has quickened the way we access and broadcast information. Since the whole point of social networking is to 'connect' with the world; we are starting to behave in a way that mimics genuine connection to the point we believe our ties are authentic, when in reality they are deceptive. People are confusing interactions with connections. Our interactions create weak ties but we are not developing real bonds to make a connection with the same people we interact with. I hear lots of complains about how Social media has transformed who we are and how we live. To some extent, that might be true, but I strongly believe social media has simply revealed who we have always been and has given us a stage to perform in our flawed glory. Ergo, social networking has extremely exposed us and most of us sign on to this exposure voluntarily. How about the people who get exposed involuntarily? I have seen people live tweet while on a date or update their status talking about how boring their date is. Most of the time, there is no malicious intent behind these tweets/status updates. Some dates are truly crap and you just feel like blurting it out but no matter how disastrous your date is, they really didn’t sign up to be publicly scrutinized and ridiculed. And truly speaking, does the world really care that the chic you took out to lunch chews with her mouth open? Or the guy smells like fish? And who really gives a crap about your intimate sexual encounters? Why? WHY? do you have to put that up on facebook or twitter?

I once read a note on facebook where a young woman wrote about her ex and how he’d cheated and lied and all that stuff. We know how it goes. She then went ahead and posted pictures of her ex and this new “fling” because she had apparently stalked him once she suspected her man was unfaithful. She followed him around, taking pictures while they were on dates, blah blah. She went ahead and gave really embarrassing details about their relationship. I guess this was her way of bringing him down and making the world really hate him for what he did to her. On the basis of the content of this note, I concluded maybe this guy was really created to be given up as a human sacrifice. It was obvious the woman found this post to be therapeutic and empowering. In my opinion, no matter how useless her ex was the absurdity and one sidedness of the post and the addition of pictures made that note a tad bit slanderous. Then she went ahead and tagged people in this note. Oh my, Jesus wept.

Trying to decide what you can or can't say about your love/private life on social platforms is a little too extreme. There is no internet police and it’s a matter of complete freedom where we can say what we want. However, what should we say? That’s a tricky territory and it’s totally up to you. I have read a plethora of status updates and tweets, especially from women complaining about their relationships. In fact, complaining and whining about your relationship problems and giving personal details about your drama is a great recipe to totally ruin and end your relationship. It’s a one way ticket to breakupville. Don't believe me? That’s fine. Try it. See how that goes.

So, what’s the solution? Do we just gag ourselves? No. Self-censorship in an attempt to being sensitive to others is overrated. It actually stifles creativity and individuality. It would also make the internet a really boring venue. However, we should be careful, not because you might write about your crazy ex and he turns up at your door naked with a whip and a box of chocolate and deviled eggs.( not like it’s a fantasy of mine or anything…) but simply because though we are young now, one day we will be old. And on that wretched day, when; we're able to tie our saggy breasts around our necks, and unwillingly wet our diapers, we may wish we hadn't publicly chronicled so much about our love lives. That’s the day we will sip on prune juice all constipated and say "it really wasn't worth it”. Hence, next time, someone tells me "please don't blog about this"....I will just respond..."cool". But if they turn around and publicly play journalist of their private lives, I will just comment and say "BANANAS".

Side note: When I'm old and wrinkly and in need of plastic surgery, I will just Google pictures of Joan Rivers and YouTube clips of the real housewives of New Jersey to scare myself. Those women look like.....never mind. You get the point.

Love, peace, joy.

NAMASTE