Friendships

I've always been the type of person who plays safe when it comes to friendships. I always talk about and emphasize on knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance and eliminating toxic people from our lives. I'm a firm believer in friendship detox, where you ruthlessly avoid and cut contact with people who are not good for anything in your life. Over the years, the word "friend" has taken different meanings to me. The older I grew, the more I understood the term  "friend" is actually used in vain. Friendships are relationships. If you are a true friend you will get tired. Why? Because it takes work and effort to be in/maintain a meaningful healthy friendship. My Principle is, friendships are built on the basis of love. Always put your friends first, and they in turn should put you first; ergo, both parties are number one and no one is feeling less important because the union is mutual.

Today, I will talk about what happens when friendships fail and the relationship disintegrates. One of the most devastating experiences that can ever occur to anyone is losing a friend that was once like a sister or brother. Someone you shared your thoughts with and were basically like part of your family. Normally, for whatever reason, it reaches a point where you just drift apart or you get into an argument that causes a big shift in the dynamics of the friendship. It's so heartbreaking because an old friend is now your enemy. Once upon a time, you were like siblings and now you're practically strangers. Ok I now want to share with you the three major lessons I've learned from failed friendships. I haven't had many failed friendships but the very few I've had, including the one that just happened this week, have taught me this:

1. Every single friendship you will have in your life occurs for a reason and for a season. I therefore look back in friendship archives and say; ok we were friends at that time and it was great for however long it lasted. You were meant to be in my life for that season. Whether it’s a month, several months or even years and now your season is over. I then say reminisce on the good before the bad. I look at what role you played in my life at the moment and what lessons you helped me learn. I then conclude your purpose/mission was fulfilled.

2. Forgiveness -When you forgive someone, they lose every power they had over your mind/emotions. You therefore free yourself from their conscience. I won't lie, forgiveness is very hard but what I've learned is we usually harbor a lot of bitterness, anger and resentment towards ourselves AND the friend we're losing. You need to just say, ok this was my best friend and I messed up and so did they so I forgive myself first and then I will extend my forgiveness to them as well. Trust me; it's the most freeing experience ever.

3. When I stop being friends with someone, I Just stop talking to them. No calls, no texts, nothing. In other words, you are just dead to me. However, I’ve learned to be civil. If and when I do see you in public I will acknowledge your presence and wave/hug, ask how you're doing, and go about my way. I choose to act like an adult, because I'm an adult. That person will never be who they were to you. When friendships end, you start seeing that individual differently. It's never the same. Now I want to address the elephant in the room touching itself (me). Everything I've said today is not easy peezy as it sounds. It's a massive, emotionally draining, and heartbreaking process. No, heartbreaks are not only confined to losing a romantic partner. We lose friends for very sickening, weird and silly reasons sometimes but ending particular friendships is one way of living the best version of your life because it frees you from emotional baggage. It will hurt immensely, but life must go on.