Here we Go again...sigh

Hey People!! yep! I know I have been M.I.A for a while...worry not..am back!! This past week has been hectic. Bday plans, school, projects, the list goes on. SO yeah speaking of ..I am doing my Ochem homework and blogging at the same time!!! HA..BEAST MODE!!!!!!!! By the way.. I had A good Bday weekend... HAD FUN! Big thank you to all those that showed up and celebrated with Lala and I we really appreciate it. Dinner was GREAT!!!
BIG shout out to DJ Josh for making those reservations for us at Nai. WE REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!! U R THE BEST!!!. and omg THE NUMEROUS BBDAY SHOUTOUTS AT NAI..DANG..WHAT A NIGHT!

So anyways, Tonight am here to rant and vent about life. No life is not fair. Aspiration is suckers and oh FYI life doesnt get better,only your perception of life improves...having said that...lets dig in :

Sometimes I wonder about myself. Am I normal? yes..atleast that's what I think. Am I perfect..NO..who is? So I think I have reached a point in life where am facing my fears. I am afraid to do so coz facing your fears includes opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable...thats a HUGE risk. Experience has taught me that opening up can be disastrous. Why am i saying this? coz it is. So let me paint the picture for those that are lost here:
Female, 5' 6", medium-dark complexion, pre-pharmacy student, hopefully starting my Doctor of pharmacy and PhD program nxt year..yes I will do a joint degree..why? coz am an over achiever....24, single (YES), accomplished a few things in life but not where I want to be, they call her maserati or Lynn and oh yeah Has had several unsuccesful, horrid relationsips and hhmm maybe 1 or 2 "good" ones. not bad right ? BLAH. so am sure you going uuhhh so what is she rambling about?  i have one major problem...TRUST!! I think I've always been fearful of really feeling.  Fearful of letting someone know what's in my head, what makes me tick.  I think I took some kind of comfort in someone wondering what I was about, because I rather be a mystery than be open.  Because when you're open, people can really do some damage to you, and then you start to regret unlocking that door in the first place...I have learned the hard way. TO be honest...I met this one guy and yes we  dated for a lil while and ha stupid me thought he was "the one" and whats funny is he is the only guy that made me feel like I was also his "one" am so glad am wise now....not mentioning names and He is the ONLY guy that I truly opened up to and just let him into my world. I mean I just let it all out and I trusted him coz he made me feel like I could trust him... Boy wasnt I wrong!!!! Lets just say I hope  is he happy where is at. Do I regret opening up to him? a little..not gonna lie... but oh well it is what it is. At the same time you cant live all your life worried about people and whether or not they gonna let you down or not.

We all want that perfect life...that great boyfriend, good job, lots of money, blah blah but truth is..there is a thick line between fantasy and reality. I mean I feel like I have met great people whom I just refuse to give a chance and then the minute I say to myself..am gonna give "this one" a try...HA. CHINEKE OH!! Thats the dude that just does you damage. You pls God, give me the serenity to know the difference between the good and Bad. I'm honestly sick of getting hurt...its stupid!!!! After 24 years of being a resident of utopia and living the fantasy life..its about time I snap into reality.

I have decided to:

Face myself

Confront

Open up

Experience

Feel

take chances

Accept

have faith

Let go

Let God.



NAMASTE!!!!!!!!