Happy Friday everyone!!
A friend called me last night night needing advice and after I adviced her on the issue she told me "Oh my gosh! you should totally blog about this."
This girl called me crying saying her boyfriend had dumped her again. This wasn't the first time...This man constantly dumps her every single time they have an argument or a minor disagreement. He always ridicules how she looks, calls her a fat pig, ugly...all sorts of insults. Oh the most absurd part is he 'punishes' and physically abuses her. I found the punishment part quite amusing (not in a hahahaha kind of way) because I never knew boyfriends were appointed to play the father role as well. Anyways, I let her speak and pour her heart out for like a good one hour and I finally asked her "ok so what advice do you need?" Her answer was " I need you to tell me how to get him back. I love him so much I cannot afford to lose him". My jaw literally dropped. I was like this is BANANAS!!! This man is the worst, most draconian person possible; I wouldn't even let him babysit my little sister's doll. If he was a website, he would be a waste of skin and brain.com.
So I told her listen; growing up, I was constantly told " Linda, you are special and there is no one out there like you." My grandparents instilled this sense of confidence in me and told me you should love yourself first because there is no way on earth you can give or receive love if you don't grasp the concept of self worth and appreciation. I told her to let go. He is not even worth all the pain. This guy doesnt even deserve a blow up doll. He clearly has no ounce of love for you. What you're basically doing is saying here, I know you could care less about me but I still want to be with you anyway. That's like getting fired but still showing up to work faithfully, yet you not getting paid. Move on, it won't be easy but it will save you from a whole lot of emotional turmoil.
Quick side note to my lovely ladies : There's no delicate way to put this so I will just blurt it out : Staying in an abusive relationship doesn't even come close to unconditional love; ITS STUPID! When a guy has clearly indicated he doesn't want you, doesn't respect you as a person, and constantly assasinates your self-esteem....RUN. NO actually scratch that, don't run, SPRINT! You have to say to yourself, I deserve the best and I am special. And I am not telling you to be embrace this b*tchy egostistcal , kanye west megalomaniac attitude; all I'm saying is have this quiet, humble self confidence and set boundaries. Know when to make it work, and when to call it quits. My policy is abuse has no room in my world. And there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to abuse; whether is verbal, emotional or physical. NO man or woman should be abused. THE END.
Relationships are NEVER a walk in in the park, but they are only worth the effort and fight if you are with the right partner. Obama and Michelle were not built in a day.
Have a blessed weekend earthlings!!
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Mar 4, 2011
Mar 1, 2011
The beauty Trick
I'm going to be quite honest; I think the cultural space that young ladies have at the moment is very poisonous and brain washing. The reason I say this is because a massive emphasis is placed on a girl's physical apprearance, and as a result of that there is a huge pressure on all of us to conform to this ridiculous notion of what is 'beautiful' .One of the really scary things is that what the media advertises and pushes to be 'beautiful' is a very narrow image. You have to be tall, thin, really light skinned or really blonde. Most women dont even fit into that bracket and therefore we're being told that girls that dont fit in to this 'beauty category' are not pretty enough.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
What has emerged as a result of this, is that you will come across three distinct groups of women :
1. Women who are strong enough to say : "forget what the media tells me, enough of that dookie, I am pretty enough".
2. Women that are slightly insecure because of the fact that they have a flaw and the media views this as an abnormality; which makes them want to conceal this flaw or improve it. A majority of the World's females fall into this category.
3.Women who are actually what the media says is 'beautiful'. They then place themselves on some sort of pedestal and they are very physically attractive but internally they are the ugliest people you will ever meet. They have an evil spirit. If these women were cars, They would be like a BMW with an engine of a hyundai. No offense to hyundai drivers am just trying to make a point by saying these people are not what they look like. These kind of women really annoy me on so many levels.
Talking to my Mom, Aunties, and a few female friends ; We all came to the conclusion that the saddest part about this whole fiasco is we are taught and nurtured to pay all our attention and invest everything we have in how we look. Truth is, physical beauty in itself does not even have the power to sustain and define a meaningful relationship. All beauty does is attract somebody or people towards you. If someone is with you just for your looks, why would you want to be with them in the first place?
The point of this particular blog is not be one of those cliche' "its what's on the inside that counts" speeches. The reason I wrote this piece is to remind all of us, including myself that when we evaluate ourselves and try to define who we are; we shouldn't be so caught up and entangled in what the world says is beautiful. The world is stupid because it hasnt caught up to the idea that there is so much diversity and beauty is not one dimensional. We should look at who we are on the inside and say, The woman I am on the inside is what will sustain me. If I empower and inspire people then thats beauty. Strive to be a kia with an engine of a bugatti royale..not the other way round!!
You can follow me on twitter @leighnda.
You can also add me on facebook @ facebook.com/leighnda
You can spam, oh sorry I meant email me at lynn.maserati@gmail.com
Peace, love, joy.
NAMASTE.
Feb 25, 2011
Women can be stupid
Forget bad breath and spinach on teeth, I think the biggest turn off in the world should be a woman clothed in shoddy garments. Pseudo "fashionistas" have become ubiquitous and its definitely a global crisis. Why do some women these days look so scruffy? What happened to the class and glamour that your Mother instilled in you? Everyone all of a sudden wants to be "edgy" and "retro". Screw that Dookie..Bring elegance back!
In honor of black history month...I came up with my own version of " I have a dream". I would shoot my myself if this beautiful month went by without me putting my creative skiills to the test! So here I go:
I have a dream, that one day, females will wear clothes that fit. I have a dream that thick women (like me), will stop stuffing their curves into smaller sizes and accept the fact that they are beautiful in their size 12 clothes. I have a dream that people will realize that wearing leggings and not covering your butt with a longer top is not only gross but a felony as well. I have a dream that one day...The daughters of Eve will stop wearing booty shorts and come to terms with the idea of keeping butt cheeks inside clothes. Lets not forget the girls who wear corsets as skirts and have to spend eternity pulling down upon their garments in a failing attempt to hide their coochies. I have a dream that one day, I will walk down the streets of Dallas and never catch a glimpse of plumber syndrome with butt cracks sticking out and thong strings showing. I have a dream that all ladies will realize that there is a fine line between sexy and slutty.
So go to Ross, Go to Body central, Go to New york & and company, Gap, Old Navy, Ann Taylor and whichever store you so please and Grab you fitting, elegant clothes. Just wear clothes that make you feel and look good and forget about what's hot. Let modesty ring!!!
Speaking of bad fashion Trends..I forgot to pick up my meat dress from the dry cleaners. Incase you're wondering..I got the idea from Lady Gaga. Very inspiring blithering Idiot. The irony is quite overwhelming!
Peace, Love, Joy.
NAMASTE.
Feb 23, 2011
Stand for Kenya
On February 28th, at 1 pm, East Africa time: Kenyans will come together and unite in the prayer that is the Kenyan National Anthem, to celebrate their unity as a people, and to remind themselves that together, they can achieve much more.On this occasion, Kenyans come together, not to protest against anything but to stand for unity
As an African, and more importantly a Kenyan; I couldn't be more proud of What Kenya is doing on february 28th. Just incase you have no clue of what I'm talking about, Please take this moment and click on this link to learn more about this epic historical moment : http://28feb.co.ke/
For the record, This is not about politics or Kibaki and Raila's overly annoying ways of rubbing Kenyans the wrong way. So if you are one of those " I dont care about politics" Nazis then stay calm. Its all about unity and standing up as one nation, in one accordance. For the first time in my 2...(hold up, I was just about to give away my age )...anyways, for the first time in my many years of life, I am so proud of my country. Ever since I could I remember, Kenyans as a people have been crippled and divided by tribalism. Hence, progress has been a foreign language to us. Lets for once join forces and look at each other as one people.
Its a fresh start for this beautiful country. This is not a cause requiring cynicism but optimism. Before you knock the concept of unity in Kenya out, Please keep in mind that We do have a Black President in the united states now. With that being said, Anything is possible and YES WE CAN!! I actually had a very interesting conversation with a few Kenyans and their crippled minds asked me "what's next after we sing this song? and what's actually the point of all this?"...First of all its not just any song...its the National anthem; the song of all songs that defines who we are as Kenyans. Secondly, what happens After 1 pm on feb 28th is really upto you. You can choose to change your thinking, stop the ignorance, kick nonchalance to the curb and embrace patriotism and change or you can continue living life the same way. The latter is what I would choose, but hey to each its own.
Cut me open, and I'll bleed Black, red, white and green. Even though I currently don't reside in Kenya...you can count on me being part of this glorious day! YES LORD. And that concludes my patriotic moment of the day. GO KENYA!!!! *waves the Kenyan flag*
Peace, Love, Change.
NAMASTE.
Feb 20, 2011
The Journey of a 20 something
If you’d asked me at fourteen where I saw myself a decade from then, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have described where I am now. It's with a mixture of disappointment and despair; I find myself, aged 24, not yet having achieved anything on the ambitious “to-do-list” my fourteen-year-old self formulated.
Apparently I’m an adult. On paper I’m an adult, the world looks at me like I’m an adult and on some days I feel like an adult. But my gosh, I am so not an adult.
I look around at my friends and although we’re different, we’re all going through the same phase of being “ adults but not quite adults”. Some of us are broke creatives, living on the financial edge, doing all we can to make our dream a reality. We like to think we’re on the verge of blowing up; our parents think we’re deluded and should hurry up and get a “real job”. Others are doing unpaid internships, which to the outside world seem like Sisyphean quests. Some of us are traveling around the world, seeking that “Eat, Pray, Love” moment, all in the effort to stall the inevitability of a 9-5.
Then there are those who were sensible and sold their soul to a soulless corporation and are being paid a hefty sum in exchange. Though their bank accounts suggest adulthood, their lifestyles are markedly different from what their parents were doing at their age.
This isn’t a trend localised to my social circle, it’s global. There are millions of us scattered across the western world. The 20-Somethings ; adults on paper and united by their choice to “avoid” becoming adults in substance.
In an article in the New York Times called “What Is It about 20-somethings?”, Robin Marantz Henig explores why we are the generation that refuses to grow up. Even wondering whether “we need to start rethinking our definition of normal development and create systems of education, health care and social supports that take the new stage into account”
Ironically we were the ones in a rush to grow up. Then we grew up and realised the process isn’t as simple or romantic as we assumed. All we want is time to figure out what the hell what we want to do. Unfortunately the time frame for finding yourself expires as soon as you complete university.When the graduation jollity subsided, and we took off our cap and gowns, suddenly we were surrounded by expectations. Expectations that we never signed up for and are not quite sure we want to meet.
We’re grappling with the world’s expectations of us whilst trying to decipher what precisely we expect of ourselves. It’s a delicate balancing act and at times it feels like we’re cartwheeling on a tightrope that’s suspended over a noisy reservoir. Constantly engaging in such an elaborate acrobatic act is tiring. Many of us have garnered reputations for being unstable dreamers who are unable to execute. Everyone’s concluded that we don’t want to grow up. They don’t understand that we want to grow up, we’re just not sure how.
At least when we were teenagers awkwardness was expected and accepted. Now we’re 20-Somethings we’re supposed to have magically grown out of our awkwardness. Since none of us really have, we've learnt clever mechanisms to conceal it. We walk around with the air of confidence and defiance, when in truth most of us are plagued by bouts of diffidence.
They didn’t warn us that part of the journey in becoming an adult, involves combat with an overpowering force. And when it seems like everything you once dreamed of achieving may never happen, that force has a voice that drowns out everything else. It gets louder with every day and perpetually reminds us "You're not good enough". What’s the force called? Self-doubt. Self-doubt is the real reason behind the 20-Somethings apparent refusal to grow up. We’re just so good at cartwheeling no-one’s noticed.
At the end of this decade, hopefully we’ll be real adults. Warehouse parties, dodgy internships, living in perpetual overdraft and questionable sexual partners, will be a thing of the past. Hopefully we will have overcome self-doubt and decided the only expectations we need to fulfill are the ones we set for ourselves. We’ll have departed from that platform that reads “Not Quite Adults” and boarded on a train marked "Real Adults" or at the very least one that reads “Finally Getting To Grips With This Life Thing.”
Despite the fact we haven’t got the best rep, I like to think of us 20-Somethings as superheros. Complex flawed beings, each in possession of a magical gift. The only thing stopping us flying are the closed doors where our capes are trapped. Maybe a decade from now they’ll be no need to board any train. Perhaps we’ll kick down the doors, cast away our burdens and fly to our destinations.
Until then, To all the 20-somethings wearing capes on their shoulders that everyone sees as chips, stand firm. I heard somewhere that things eventually get easier.
Love & Light
Linda
Feb 15, 2011
Linda's rants and Realizations
Howdy Everyone, Lets dig in; shall we? Good.
Rants
1.A 20 year old British Woman died at a hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania while receiving butt injections. At 20 years old, I did lots of stupid things, luckily none of them killed me. When I first read this story I was like what in the world? who would do that? But then again, I came to realize that the modern world puts so much pressure on being "size zero" and they forget that black women have an inverse pressure of being "size thick". The media praises all these women whose proportions don't even exist. Ladies, Love yourself for who you are. I admit, when I was younger, I had self -esteem issues and wanted a body like no other. Its not until I begun having a relationship with myself that I realized am beautiful and fine just the way I am.
2. The catholic church has now released a "confession app". I'm not quite sure how it works because I am not interested. I don't mean to be rude, but really? where do these confessions go? to the Pope? no sir. I'm good. I have Jesus on my necklace and he is the only Man I can confess my sins to.
3. Egypt Finally did it...whatever that means! Mubarak's step down was as vile and disgraceful as a woman trying to hang herself by her used tampon string. The rest of Africa could Learn a thing or two.
Realizations
1. There's a lot of people out there whose job is to do nothing but criticize, analyze and dish out barbaric remarks. These are not even Professional critics or anything. Just a bunch of Idiots who can't help but dispense vile, idiotic advise. But do you know what's even worse? WE allow them to come into our lives and choke our confidence and self-esteem, pollute our minds with all these negative ideas that kill your dreams. Listen, stop caring about what everyone thinks about you. If your success or failure has no direct impact on someone then why do you even value them? ONLY listen to those people that care about you and want nothing but the best for you.
2. There's a very thick line between being a girl and being a woman. Womanhood is realizing that touching your boobs won't make them any larger and that kissing boys won't make you pregnant. I'm sure you're going huh? yes people,read between those lines.
3. Mentors hardly exist. Those people are as extinct as dinosaurs.
4. Real friends are hard to find and keep. Keyword here being "real".
5. I get analyzed, criticized and compared to other people a lot. The real Linda doesnt even shine in limelight anymore. Its all about "them". It sucks being the underdog. *big sigh*
Thats my semi "let it all out" post. If it made sense to you..GREAT! If it didn't then Oh well things aren't always black and white. The grey area exists.
Rants
1.A 20 year old British Woman died at a hotel in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania while receiving butt injections. At 20 years old, I did lots of stupid things, luckily none of them killed me. When I first read this story I was like what in the world? who would do that? But then again, I came to realize that the modern world puts so much pressure on being "size zero" and they forget that black women have an inverse pressure of being "size thick". The media praises all these women whose proportions don't even exist. Ladies, Love yourself for who you are. I admit, when I was younger, I had self -esteem issues and wanted a body like no other. Its not until I begun having a relationship with myself that I realized am beautiful and fine just the way I am.
2. The catholic church has now released a "confession app". I'm not quite sure how it works because I am not interested. I don't mean to be rude, but really? where do these confessions go? to the Pope? no sir. I'm good. I have Jesus on my necklace and he is the only Man I can confess my sins to.
3. Egypt Finally did it...whatever that means! Mubarak's step down was as vile and disgraceful as a woman trying to hang herself by her used tampon string. The rest of Africa could Learn a thing or two.
Realizations
1. There's a lot of people out there whose job is to do nothing but criticize, analyze and dish out barbaric remarks. These are not even Professional critics or anything. Just a bunch of Idiots who can't help but dispense vile, idiotic advise. But do you know what's even worse? WE allow them to come into our lives and choke our confidence and self-esteem, pollute our minds with all these negative ideas that kill your dreams. Listen, stop caring about what everyone thinks about you. If your success or failure has no direct impact on someone then why do you even value them? ONLY listen to those people that care about you and want nothing but the best for you.
2. There's a very thick line between being a girl and being a woman. Womanhood is realizing that touching your boobs won't make them any larger and that kissing boys won't make you pregnant. I'm sure you're going huh? yes people,read between those lines.
3. Mentors hardly exist. Those people are as extinct as dinosaurs.
4. Real friends are hard to find and keep. Keyword here being "real".
5. I get analyzed, criticized and compared to other people a lot. The real Linda doesnt even shine in limelight anymore. Its all about "them". It sucks being the underdog. *big sigh*
Thats my semi "let it all out" post. If it made sense to you..GREAT! If it didn't then Oh well things aren't always black and white. The grey area exists.
Feb 1, 2011
Don't get it twisted
Today's blog is dedicated to one of the most beautiful and inspiring women I have ever come to know....MY COUSIN DIANA! Diana lives and works in Kenya. She went to College in the U.K and recently got a wonderful job offer in Nairobi. Anyways, Diana and I were talking on Skype two weeks ago and the topic of relationships came up. One thing Diana and I have in common is we are extremely picky when it comes to Men and its just ridiculous. She even joked and said she is convinced her Man is not created yet. That is our biggest flaw. Even though Diana is so beautiful, her past relationships are just a sob story. The men she has been with are the classic definition of douchebaggery, waste of air and skin, Hence the reason she raised her standards sooo high no man on earth can be with her.
Both of us came to this conclusion...There's Prerequisites and preferences when it comes to choosing a partner in life. Prerequisites are those qualities a man/woman MUST have and you are not willing to compromise. These are non-negotiable factors. For me personally, you have to be a man, PERIOD. The word "man' might sound funny or simple to you but trust me there are more boys than men out there. Another very important prerequisite for me is you have to have integrity and virtue. END OF STORY. These two factors matter more than your social status, your race, your income...I don't care if you makes 12 dollars a year...all I want is a real man with integrity and virtue.
Preferences on the other side are just comparative advantages...basically what your taste is. Its not a deal breaker. For instance..I love black men...that's what I prefer...but If a Hispanic man approached me will I turn him down...NO.
The biggest problem though is most females AND males mix prerequisites with preferences and therefore find themselves using a preference as a way to determine whether or not they will date someone and thats why a majority of people end up with the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. Have I been victim of this? OH YES YOU BETCHYA! If I told you my love stories you would weep for me and its solely ridiculous! But shout out to the people in my past...ya'll didn't make it to my future for a reason and I'm forever thankful to God for that. I must admit...turning 24 has turned me into one smart woman. I am not bragging...I am just stating a fact. I will no longer settle for a guy based solely on my preferences. Oh he is tall, cute, has a job, lives in highland park or whatever...only to find out he has ZERO integrity...his character stinks worse than a witch's ass and he has no clue how to treat a woman. Get what we call the hell outta here! Shut the front door! I'm done!!
Therfore, My plea to my fellow ladies (and men) is open your eyes and look past the materialistic, good for nothing qualities and dig deeper. Get to know him or her and don't ignore the red flags either. I guarantee you that you cannot and will not have a spiritual connection with someone if they don't share the same values as you do. If you're struggling to "get along" and don't see the basic elements of life in the same way then Let go or just be friends.
This is 2011......Thats all I have to say. Be smart!
NAMASTE!
Both of us came to this conclusion...There's Prerequisites and preferences when it comes to choosing a partner in life. Prerequisites are those qualities a man/woman MUST have and you are not willing to compromise. These are non-negotiable factors. For me personally, you have to be a man, PERIOD. The word "man' might sound funny or simple to you but trust me there are more boys than men out there. Another very important prerequisite for me is you have to have integrity and virtue. END OF STORY. These two factors matter more than your social status, your race, your income...I don't care if you makes 12 dollars a year...all I want is a real man with integrity and virtue.
Preferences on the other side are just comparative advantages...basically what your taste is. Its not a deal breaker. For instance..I love black men...that's what I prefer...but If a Hispanic man approached me will I turn him down...NO.
The biggest problem though is most females AND males mix prerequisites with preferences and therefore find themselves using a preference as a way to determine whether or not they will date someone and thats why a majority of people end up with the wrong boyfriend or girlfriend. Have I been victim of this? OH YES YOU BETCHYA! If I told you my love stories you would weep for me and its solely ridiculous! But shout out to the people in my past...ya'll didn't make it to my future for a reason and I'm forever thankful to God for that. I must admit...turning 24 has turned me into one smart woman. I am not bragging...I am just stating a fact. I will no longer settle for a guy based solely on my preferences. Oh he is tall, cute, has a job, lives in highland park or whatever...only to find out he has ZERO integrity...his character stinks worse than a witch's ass and he has no clue how to treat a woman. Get what we call the hell outta here! Shut the front door! I'm done!!
Therfore, My plea to my fellow ladies (and men) is open your eyes and look past the materialistic, good for nothing qualities and dig deeper. Get to know him or her and don't ignore the red flags either. I guarantee you that you cannot and will not have a spiritual connection with someone if they don't share the same values as you do. If you're struggling to "get along" and don't see the basic elements of life in the same way then Let go or just be friends.
This is 2011......Thats all I have to say. Be smart!
NAMASTE!
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