Statistics 101

No words can describe how much I love Lyfe Jennings's new song "Statistics." That song is REAL. Lyfe is one of the most underated artists I believe. If you haven't listened to this song, Please do and If you don't care then oh well. My goodness, Don't you just love the "western world"?...NO! WHY? because gone are the days when Love actually meant something. In this day and age, Almost Every song is talking about sex, drugs, one night stands, blah blah RUBBISH! On one end..ciara is talking about "Riding"...(and no its not a bike or a bus), on the other end Lil wayne is talking about bringing her to his bedroom and popping that....fill in the blank. Next you have 50 cent begging the ladies to have his baby and be a millionaire (smart right?) then of course you have Pitbull whose mission is to get you and your girl friends in his hotel room. *eyeroll* Sex has become the new candy, and now girls are perfectly ok with being called The B word. All this Bull crap makes me want to choke a kitten!!!Where am I going with this? LOVE is totally overrated these days. Infact Most people do not even know what love is. There is a fine line between loving someone and being attracted to someone. I can be attracted to you, but not love you. GET IT? YAY! KUDOS!

Ladies : Please do not be a nickel out here looking for a dime. Beware, Most guys do not mean what they say. I mean, we all know most guys are out here to have fun and get with as many chics as they can (the more they have, the better their Man-whore resume looks). Its perfectly Ok for them to have 10 girl friends at a time. But if a girl talks to more than one guy, and she is not even getting intimate with them, she is called a SLUT! Welcome to the world of double standards. Anyways, back to what I was saying...The reason most women get so bitter and angry with men is because we tend to take guys way too serious when they start feeding us with a bunch of sweet nothings. They tell us what we want to hear not what they truly mean. I call it getting an eargasm (sweet words that make your heart go yori yori). I'm not saying all men are players..but the only way you will get to know if he is real or not is to take time and know him. If you rush into things and give him what he wants way too soon...then uuhhmm..yeah He will BE GONE! If he genuinely cares about you and wants to have something special with you, then he will respect your wishes and hang around you longer. SO anyways, my best homeboy Jarell and I were talking yesterday and hmmm..he kind of opened my eyes and made me look at things in a different perspective. Jarell is like my big bro, my homie, my..oh gosh. He is cool. And of course theres my BEST GUY FRIEND KEVIN FIDEL (he keeps me in check, tells me the truth, looks out for me and is ALWAYS there when I need a shoulder to lean on). Basically from the conversation I had with Jarell, I decided to come up with My own top tips for ladies looking to be in a relationship with a GOOD man:

1.Let the man lead and all will be revealed. Let the man initiate the conversation, call you and set up the date. If you call a man for anything you are setting the precedent, and will end up doing most of the work throughout your courtship and thereafter.
DO pay close attention to his conversations. If he is taking things way too serious, when he barely knows you then something is definitely up. That's his way of making you feel all warm and toasty inside then dump you when he is done. Why would he want to marry you after knowing you for only 1 week? NO ONE MARRIES A STRANGER!!!

2.Do not sleep with a man unless you are in an exclusive relationship where he has discussed exclusivity/monogamy with you in the sober light of day. DO NOT have sex way too early : there is an exception to this rule though. Not all guys will pop your kitty and leave you but most of them will. Ladies...he will tell you anything to get you into his little sanctuary then LEAVE you! ..But wait Linda he said I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and wants me to be his wife... REALLY? NO! he has seen prettier girls out there, that was just a pick up line. Tell him you are celibate and see if he is willing to wait. If he leaves then hmm you have your answer!

3. Make a top 10 non-negotiable list of the things you want in your man. Put them in priority sequence using four categories: spiritual, physical, emotional and mental. You may only have two physical quirks like hair and height on the list, but not more. Chemistry is the only thing that is a given so it does not need to be added to the list. Keep this list in your Mind at all time. If a man does not have all 10 things on your list do not step off the curb to date him no matter how handsome or rich he is. Do not compromise your values for ANY man..BETTER BELIEVE.

4. HE better be reliable....If a guy makes plans and flakes out most of the time then thats a HUGE red flag. Worst yet; if he stands you up on a date then he does not care. This is 2010..everyone has a cell phone or some sort of tech device. If he did not care to call you and cancel the date then he sure as hell DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!

5. If he is not spending quality time with you then he either has lost interest, is busy or has other girls he would rather be with. No matter how busy a guy is, if he really is into you he will make an effort to spend time with you..even if its 5 minutes!! Ok lets not be so hard on him and say he needs space...there is nothing wrong with needing space. But if he should at least then check on you and see whats up! If he just vanishes in thin air then uuhhmm..Ladies..MOVE ON!!

6. DO NOT CONSTANTLY CALL HIM...ok Yes he is cute and this and that. WE get it..you like him a lot and you really just want to hear his voice or get a text from him...please do not blow up his phone. Give him time and space. nothing spells DESPERATE than when a woman is constantly on her man's tail. Come on..even if you are dying to see or hear his voice..Play it cool. let him wonder what is going on with you and he will call and check on you. There are over 100,000 men out there..Do not be desperate. Do not be too available either!!! Let him miss you for once. Gosh!! If he is acting a little fishy and flaky then move to the next guy please. Too many fish in the sea. Go out and have fun!! do not be a psychopath waiting on a man to make you happy! NO MAN WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! happiness comes from within. Sigh....

7. If he doesn't respect your feelings then he is not worth your time. Nothing annoys me than arrogant rude men with Egos so high you need a ladder to stroke them. Ok dude..we know you are Mr. "hot shot" and all the ladies have your number but that does not give you the right to mistreat and disrespect the Lady or Ladies in your life. Treat people the same way you would like to be treated.

8. Watch out for all the controlling signs. I DO NOT WANT YOU TO...What? excuse me? I only have 2 parents ok? This is not an ownership business. You are not his child, girl toy or property. Its a relationship!! yes There ought to be rules and boundaries in a relationship but not in a commanding manner. Kindly talk about what makes both of you uncomfortable.If he does not like it when you talk to Tommy then explain to him who Tommy is and what his significance in your life. Reach a consensus. If he does not understand, give him time if not then oh well. DO not Demand, Request. Just because am talking to Jarell does not mean I want to be with him ok? Keep your insecurities in your Closet. Its normal to be a little jealous but not to the point where you Trip everytime your partner is talking to someone of the opposite sex; And no but no thanks...I do want to be with your homeboys. Calm the heck down!

9. Qualify the buyer. For every four questions a man asks you, ask him one, but ask questions in a light breezy way that would show you what type of character he is. For example: where do you see yourself in five years? The family man will say married, with kids and very happy. If he asks buyer questions of you, like: do you want to get married? Answer truthfully. You may ask him less informal ones in order to see where he stands on commitment issues. A good question is: at what age do you see yourself married? Or how long do you think you should date a person before you get engaged? A man generally does not lie when asked casually as he just met you and is not so invested in the relationship yet.

10. DO NOT BE A BOOTY CALL...Girls , if he does not respect you then he will leave you! Yes, You can have Beyonce hips, and Keyshia Cole thighs ( cough cough like me!!! LOL...jk) but he will still leave you for that girl across the street that looks like a potato head. If he has no respect for you then DO NOT WASTE TIME.

11. If he is in a relationship then Why are you with him? Ok maybe he lied to you that he was single, but then you had a few whispers that he has a girl...ok listen..some rumors are true. If he cheated on her, then he will 10000000% cheat on you. Cheaters dnt just stop cheating just because they met a beautiful intelligent cool like like you. Girl, wake up and smell the coffee before you heart is broken.

12.Do not live with a man prior to marriage. It kills the romance and if the man lives rent free than, as they say, why should he buy the house? You may accept a ring and move in only if the wedding date is set, both families have met and wedding plans are in full swing.

13. Bonus: If things do not work out, then just break up and call it a day. DO not Dog your ex and say mean things about him...well, its ok because you are bitter but oh well just look at it like he put you a step closer to Mr. RIGHT. MOVE ON and let him be. And i do not believe in getting back together for a second chance...why? It did not work out the first time, so what makes you think it will work the second time? People, especially MEN do not change overnight. SO do not fall for that Rubbsih talk about baby I want you back, this, that, I promise I have changed...BULLLCRAP!!!! He will do the same S**t Again!!! Its ok to be friends...if you two agree on it.If not then oh well good riddens!! Above all..still respect your ex. If you meet in public..say hi, be cordial. Its called MATURITY! Also remember..NEVER EVER BEG A GUY TO STAY WITH YOU!

Valuable advice to my ladies : Everyday is fishing day but not everyday is catching day. Yes, You will have your heart broken, you will be cheated on, ridiculed and Played. But trust me... there is a Good MAN out there for you ok? Be patient. You will have a great catch pretty soon. That's one of my struggles as I am transitioning from young adulthood to Womanhood. I have met the Mr high egos, players, Mr intellectual, rude ones, nice ones, BAD ones. I have finally refused to go after guys that are out to hurt me. No more games. I don't need a boy.I need a Man. Someone who truly cares and loves me for Who I am, respects me and makes me his priority NOT his option.

P.S. I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person.

Special shout out to Jarell, Kevin, Gwen, Patricia and Brittany. No words can describe how much I love you guys! You Rock!!

Side note : I am so loving the S.I.N.G.L.E life. Nothing special about it..just peaceful. I am not responsible for anyone's emotions anymore and no more worrying about details that do not even matter. SAving myself for that one Special Guy (whoever that is). Anyways, I have to rush. I have a Coffee date with my Homie/crazy good friend Brandon.