CREATE, DON'T HATE.

 I am back! I know it's been a while since I did my last blog post. I took a brief blogging sabbatical because I really had nothing substantial to say. Nothing worse than polluting the internet with inconsequential statements. Enough people are already doing that. Above all, I needed a hiatus  so I could take the time to put everything into perspective and reflect on my life.  Did you miss me? yes? no? Cool.

Basically a friend and I were having a discussion two days ago about social media and I was telling her about the trends I see online. First, I see a lot of great things. I see people creating good work, engaging with each other, actually having mutually beneficial interactions; building relationships. I have actually made friends through social media (especially twitter) as odd as that sounds. At the same time, I see things that worry me. I think there is an entire e-culture of critics. Every single tweet or Facebook status update is about them knocking someone down . Whether it's someone they know in a subliminal, whether it's a celebrity they have never met; That's all they do. It's this culture of criticism. Now the thing is, I can't even disaggregate myself from it because I understand. Let's say you're watching a T.v show, you see something you don't like, you say it's a hot mess. I get it. I totally get it. The problem with most of the criticism I see is not even intellectual; These people aren't questioning systems rationally and actually attacking the system, They are attacking people. It's extremely venomous to sit down, behind a computer screen typing vile statements ALL THE TIME. Constantly spewing negativity. This is more than problematic. If anything, such a practice speaks volumes about your character more than the people you are critiquing.

A few months ago I had to sit down and look at how I'm spending my time. 2012 is quite an important year for me, well, every year is but I know where I want to be 5, 10 and 15 years from now. Where I will be in 5 years is very much determined by what I do now. My future hinges on what I do every single day, every single hour, every single minute.  Every day I have a brand new opportunity to use it creatively. It's akin to laying bricks, and it's these same bricks that build my future.  At the end of the week I reflect and ask myself "OK Linda, what kind of bricks have you laid this week?". I sat back and realized the way I was laying my bricks, and the type of bricks I was laying were troublesome. I did not like what I saw. That was because I was busy critiquing more than I was creating. And  it's quite funny because a few months back My cousin  and I had talked about "the hater myth" and how most people cry how they have haters when in reality most people's haters are simply illusions and the real enemy is within. But the fact is, haters actually do exist. You can find yourself slipping slowly into hater mode because you are in this bubble where everyone is busy hating on another person.

Here is the deal: you need to create more than you hate. we are all creative. We are humans, we were placed on earth to create and fulfill our purposes. Do what YOU can with the talents that you have. If you are busy being consumed by other people's talents, speaking negatively into their lives then you have a major problem.  seek therapy if you have to. The bottom line is, 10 years from now, you never want to look back and realize you squandered all your time because you were siting down on twitter,  Facebook, e.t. c  negatively critiquing people, when your oyster card was in the minus. You weren't even trying to do anything beneficial for yourself, all you were doing was hating, hating and more hating on others.  We are each so unique and have unique purposes and goals. Learn to appreciate every person's journey even when it doesn't resonate well with you. This crab-in-a-barrel mentality ought to stop. It's tiring and quite corrosive. Stop it.  Please, and Thank you.

My sincerest apologies for any grammatical errors , lack of subject-verb agreements, and poor punctuation present in this blog post (If any). I admit, I wrote while exhausted and just didn't have the patience to edit it. I would blame it on menstruation but that would be a bloody lie. Pun fully intended.  Happy Thursday earthlings. Don't forget to enjoy life, eat cake and wax. Peace.

Untitled

This will be one of those blog posts that will be all over the place.No specific topic, just me going on a rant. No use of "fancy" or "big words". I'm going to let my thoughts flow.

Troy Davis' execution really evoked something in me that words can't suffice. What really irked me the most was the bashing and demonization I received on facebook right after I updated my status. Instead of leaving these vile comments on my status update, these people spread themselves in my inbox.
First of all, you may have seen me on twitter and facebook but believe me when I say you really don't know me as you think you do. Unless you know me personally, Outside of the social networking setting, then you really have no business drawing conclusions about me.
Here is the irony of this situation: These people had no clue about who Troy Davis was. They saw my status updates and asked who he was. I informed them, then they turned around and bashed me saying where was I 20 years ago when he first got convicted. What type of batshit is that? It is really idiotic to ASSume that  I just talk and  I'm not actually involved in my community, or just because I'm now spreading awareness about an issue, I'm a bandwagoner. Miss me with that.

Listen, in society, you're either part of the problem or part of the solution. What is your purpose in life? Are you living or existing? Are you part of the status quo or are you anti-status quo? What causes do you fight for? what are you passionate about? I've noticed that the people who like maintaining status quo, love barking and biting at those who are seeking to create new realities and a better world for all. They critique the most, yet do the least. People have refused to turn off BET, and try to educate themselves on issues that matter. How long, will we  continue to bask in mediocrity? What has corroded your thinking? How many of you are willing to sacrifice your comfort for freedom?  Are you going to join the movement or are you just going to sit, calling people "crazy" yet waiting for them to pave the way for you? The sad part is many people don't even know we are living in a repressive society and we are broken, wounded beings. So how can they even seek to change things when they don't even know change is needed?

 I could Talk till the cows come home but I'll redirect my energy into something else . This is all I have to say: We are born in a world of sink or swim and some people decided to surf. Do not demonize the surfers. You can either join them or continue to sink or swim. You can either conform or transform. The choice is yours. But just remember, If you can't take a stance on anything, you are part of the problem.

My Feminist Rant

Patriarchy, I believe, is one of the biggest systems of opression to ever exist. It has a death hold on society, especially Women. Patriarchy is defined as “the organization of society on the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of the wives and children and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line.” In patriarchy the legal principles just mentioned spill over into the general society beyond the family by both law and custom and the supremacy of the father in the family is extended to the belief that the male is superior to the female. The result is the oppression of women and the over masculinization of society.

The psychological power of patriarchy is not to be taken lightly. To this day, a majority of the world still believes Women are inferior to men. This system has made women make very few advances in society &  explains why the progress of Women's movements has been ridiculously slow and asperous. The frustration of women in such a system has led them to turn against each other. Women competing with each other and putting others down in an effort to gain male approval and survive in a man's world. Why? because from childhood, young girls are taught that they don't deserve love, they have to earn it from men. It's always.."don't do this or that because men don't like women who are this or that". That right there sets the tone that no man will want you for being yourself. You have to subscribe to a certain set of preset standards of "what a woman should be". A Women's worth therefore is based on male approval. Men on the other hand, can practically do whatever they want. After all, they are the "go getters". They don't have to be "found" like women. I'm pretty sure the genesis of many soceital problems is the fact that there is an unfair assignment of gender roles to both sexes. Men are allowed to be socially irresponsible, and "explore" their manhood while at the same time dominating over women, Whereas women are expected to be subservient.

This is where feminism kicks in. As most of you know, I am a feminist. Feminists in general get castigated from both men and women because of this stupid notion that we are hairy legged women who are bitter, don't want to cook or clean and hate men.That, my friends, is batshit.

What is feminism? Webster defines feminism as: “the theory of the political, economic and social equality of the sexes.” Since men wrote the dictionary it should not be surprising that the definition is lacking an essential element and must be corrected. Feminism is also the theory of the psychological equality of the sexes. True feminism insists on the psychological and social equality of the sexes.
The true feminist view is that human characteristics are not sex oriented or stereotyped by sex. Rather, any human being can develop the qualities that we call human. The development is intrinsic and wholeness is a healthy balance of the various human characteristics. Of course there are differences between human persons. These are individual differences. These individual differences can be similar between men and women. They are not based on gender. They can be learned or innate.

There's a current notion that Men are only masculine and females are only feminine. As a result, human wholeness is divided which yields to the whole rubbish "complimentary theory" that states in order for one to be "complete" they have to seek wholeness from members of the opposite sex. This is not true. Masculinity & femininity are not exclusive to just either one of the sexes. We ALL have both feminine and masculine characteristics. The patriarchal society,however, promotes and extols these so called masculine attributes. Qualities considered masculine are valued and assigned to males. Qualities considered feminine are devalued or even held in contempt and assigned to females.
In the patriarchal society masculinity becomes the norm. Even when a woman wants to succeed, she must first be masculinized and made guilty of seeking success outside her domestic role of being a wife and mother.

One cannot critique patriarchy without considering patriarchal religion and the effect such religion has on the oppression of women. Religion cannot be ignored. It seems to be very deep in the human psyche and its effect is widespread in both the individual and in society.  Ancient religious men and so called authors of  religious books such as the Bible, Quran and Torah created an “omnipotent patriarch” by making God into the male image and by divinizing maleness. Men have also put words into the mouth of God about the supposed inferiority of women. Women have been blamed for causing sin & as a result what did we get? PUNISHMENT!! Our child bearing pain was increased tremendously and we were to be ruled over by men because we ate the forbidden fruit.But what punishment did men get? They were told they would have to toil in order for us to eat.

 Supposedly, Eve made Adam eat the fruit. Adam had no will at all to eat the fruit. Absurdity if you ask me. People tend to forget that when "God" told Adam not to eat from the forbidden tree, Eve wasn't even created yet. This whole crazy fruit story carries on today in the form of "women seduce and tempt men into having sexual relations". Women are evil creatures, according to the world. My question is: Why create a tree of "good and evil" in the first place?  And if This "tree" bore fruits that were both good & evil, is it safe to conclude God created evil?  I'll stop. I'm by no means trying to downplay "God". I just think some of these biblical stories have man made fantasies in them. Humans have created God in their own image and try to make up all sorts of stories about "God's character". Some of which are nonsensical. The authors were something else. When you read the the early chapters of Genesis do you feel like that was fair? you honestly think "an all loving God" would punish Its' creation unfairly? I'll let you battle with that. But there are very many accounts in the Bible, where the male figure was regarded highly yet women, well,  they are just women. Being oppressed as usual.

Side note : By the way, Original Hebrew scriptures are quite different from the scriptures we read today. The Bible was edited, revised, some books were omitted, e.t.c. Religious scholars say there were several books in the Bible that were written by women BUT were intentionally left out when the "final Bible draft" was being put together. I strongly believe a lot of religious teachings are very anti-woman. Look at the New Testament, Women weren't even allowed to speak in church or attend church while on their period. The entire Bible is authored by men. Again, I ask, If the authors of the bible were inspired by God, You mean God never spoke to women? That's a whole different discussion for a different day. My point? Seek your own truth and get to know who "God" really is and what that means to you.

To sum up my rant, Feminism is not anti-male. please steer away from that perception. Feminism seeks to bring balance in the community.It can correct the over masculinization of society and end the oppression of women. But it will not do this by making women into men, or for that matter, by making men into women. The male of patriarchy is defective, not the model. We seek to liberate Women and men as well. Men have been crippled by patriarchy but some won't admit it because to them dominating over women is better than seeking equality and balance. I'm not just pro-woman, I'm pro-humans. I want us all to live the best lives we can so we can all edify each other. We need to humanize society & save ourselves from this self-destruction and it's our collective effort and consciousness that will make this possible.

The War Between Men and Women

The battle between men and women has been going on for thousands of years. There's a lot of blaming, shaming and hatred between males and females. Everything is so polarized to the point most men and women seem unable to tolerate the paradoxical idea that they can have differing, but equally valid, perspectives on many issues. In their wake, however, instead of a productive social dialogue that enhances understanding between the sexes; more resentment seems to have grown. What I've noticed though, is most of the arguments are about gender roles. " A woman is supposed to......" and "A man is a supposed to.....". The irony of it all is most people don't realize that gender roles are social constructs and are NOT biological. I blame patriarchy for this mess. I am very anti-patriarchal. The sad part is some men and women don't even know what patriarchy is or even if they do, they don't understand it's repercussions because they've been conditioned that patriarchy is normal. Let it marinate before you continue reading.

Here's the deal; the blame game between males and females needs to stop. We will not get anywhere with this. There is a reason that both sexes were created. It doesn't help men when they call women bitches, whores and sluts. If calling women these degrading names was good for them, then guess what? Women would be up there in this social hierarchy. It doesn't help women when they call men dogs, and stupid. How does that even bring about change? We are a culture of compartmentalization; we believe it's ok to call a woman a whore, yet we came from a woman. Most men have this notion that women play a lesser role and they are the weaker sex. And of course patriarchal social constructs instill in us that men are stronger and superior to women. As a result, you have the dominator and the submissive person.

Truth is, both men and women are obsolete without each other. I don't mean this is a romantic manner. I mean in order for society to thrive in a healthy manner, we need communion with each other. If someone asked you what is more important; a plug or a socket, what would you answer? You need both for you to generate energy. How is it that the "weaker" sex was given the duty of child bearing? (One of the most painful events in humanity). What man do you know, has the power to endure 3-7 days of profuse bleeding? Or breast feeding? Women are not "weaker" or "lesser" than men. Women are just different people. When people use "strength" to differentiate males from the opposite sex, they use it in a very biased matrix and context.

What we all need to understand is that both sexes are strong in their own unique way. Just because you as a man, you have testosterone that helps you grow bigger muscles hence giving you the comparative advantage of being physically stronger, doesn't mean women are weaklings. It takes a different and special type of strength to carry a growing human in your body for 9 months, then through pain and turmoil give birth and then go ahead and sustain this child OUTSIDE of your body. It takes a special type of strength to live in a society where you're constantly told you are lesser than. In fact, from a very early age, little girls are taught "how to be a good woman". They are not told they deserve love. No,no.no, They have to EARN IT from men. The Males have to approve us. That's why women have to live up to certain "standards" otherwise they are threatened they will never find a man. While men, on the other hand can do anything and everything and they will still find a wife. See how patriarchy does us?

I just want to emphasize that we are all very important. Men are important. I love and appreciate men. It’s all about teamwork. Women might have given birth to the kids, but guess what? The men inserted those seeds in them and they fertilized it, and carried it. So how can women say “we are more important than men because we give birth"? And why do men feel like they are more important than women that they should dominate over them? People have taken the whole " A man is the head of household" statement and translated it to mean " Well since I'm the man, and I'm the head, I'm boss. You have no rights as a woman, you do what I say." Why are we spending our time trying to rule one another and prove our importance? It takes so much energy ruling yourself, so why would you even think of ruling another person?

No love can come out of dominance and submissiveness. Love doesn't exist in the boundaries of obligation. That's the biggest lie patriarchy has used for ages. Yes, your grandparents might have been married for 80 years but I'll guarantee you that if you talk to your Grandmother(if she's still living) she will tell you she found happiness in her kids, in sewing and knitting But it was never her overly dominating husband. You know what will truly help us? A change of mind and shift in the way we perceive the world. Men and women should be in a partnership with each other. Women should love and take care of their men, and men should do the same for the women in their lives. In a partnership, both sexes are uniquely different but on an equal platform. No one is above the other. If we all don't get it together, then this poisonous cycle will never end. Think about the things you do and say about the opposite sex, and how that affects you and those around you. It's time to change if you haven't yet.

The Element of Skin color

About a week ago, I stumbled upon this trailer for a documentary that's supposed to be coming out this fall called "dark girls". I posted the link on facebook and twitter but just in case you hadn't seen it, please watch the YouTube trailer above. This video actually reminded of a story in 2007, where there was a light skinned vs. dark skinned party that was supposed to be held in Detroit, Michigan. The flyer actually said "Light skinned ladies get in for free".  CNN reported on this, and provided an analytical spin with the obligatory experts in sociology and African American studies. The loud outcry caused the promoters to cancel the event.

This video really broke my heart. I shared it with a couple of Sociology graduate students in the U.K and here in the states and we actually had a panel discussion via Skype. It is quite clear that the black community still wrestles with the idea of skin color and class. I get so annoyed by the fact that we are one race yet we let factors that don't even exist biologically divide us. The sad truth is, color and race are historically intertwined. We all know that light skinned blacks are more favored and treated differently because they are believed to be "prettier" or "better looking". Lighter skinned blacks received more financial support and social privilege.

According to a study that was done in 2006; http://diverseeducation.com/article/6306/ .The color caste system has greatly polarized employment which affects families and friends in our community and it looks like there is no end to this madness. There isn't much we can do to change the historic wrong of colorism in Black America. We, as a group, have been conditioned for years and years to believe that White people and anyone of a lighter skin tone for that matter, are better, smarter, superior and "more human" than we are. That's the reason society tends to condone Eurocentrism. Unless we sit down and completely change the way we think and view each other, this is a lost battle.

To all my good black people out there, you may not change how colorism affects us, however you can choose to not play perpetrator, participant, or victim in this nonsense of our people. Anytime you make comments based on someone's skin color then you are contributing to this crap. Skin color should not deter or encourage you to achieve certain socialite aspirations. If you are lighter skinned, don't expect to automatically receive the keys to certain doors in life. If you are dark, doors shouldn't be slammed in your face because of your hue. It should be an equal opportunities platform.

One of my favorite Dr. Phil quotes is "You train people how to treat you". Carry yourself with elegance, confidence, style, and grace and I PROMISE you the world will treat you differently regardless of whether you're red, blue, green, black or yellow. Being confident does not mean that you have zero insecurities. Insecurities can never be destroyed because they are hardwired into humanity. Confidence is choosing to act in spite of your present insecurities.

I'm not trying to downplay or devalue the pain and wounds that arise from colorism. I think all black people; have encountered some type of racism or colorism. I, for sure, know how that feels. Not only I'm I dark, but I'm a short dark woman with natural hair. Let's not even go there. With that being said, we can never completely silence the oppressing voice of racism and colorism in America. What we can do is amplify our positive beliefs and thoughts. We must hold on to the belief that in spite everything that divides us, we have everything in common because we are all one race, one people.

I wasn't sure how to end this blog post because every single concluding sentence I constructed was riddled with cliché' and was just too uncomfortable to read. With that being said, there’s a new song by Wale ft Chrisette Michelle called "shades". It articulates everything I'd like to write. Please listen to it.

Thanks for taking your time to read my blog.

Love, peace, and joy.

Namaste.

Friendships

I've always been the type of person who plays safe when it comes to friendships. I always talk about and emphasize on knowing the difference between a friend and an acquaintance and eliminating toxic people from our lives. I'm a firm believer in friendship detox, where you ruthlessly avoid and cut contact with people who are not good for anything in your life. Over the years, the word "friend" has taken different meanings to me. The older I grew, the more I understood the term  "friend" is actually used in vain. Friendships are relationships. If you are a true friend you will get tired. Why? Because it takes work and effort to be in/maintain a meaningful healthy friendship. My Principle is, friendships are built on the basis of love. Always put your friends first, and they in turn should put you first; ergo, both parties are number one and no one is feeling less important because the union is mutual.

Today, I will talk about what happens when friendships fail and the relationship disintegrates. One of the most devastating experiences that can ever occur to anyone is losing a friend that was once like a sister or brother. Someone you shared your thoughts with and were basically like part of your family. Normally, for whatever reason, it reaches a point where you just drift apart or you get into an argument that causes a big shift in the dynamics of the friendship. It's so heartbreaking because an old friend is now your enemy. Once upon a time, you were like siblings and now you're practically strangers. Ok I now want to share with you the three major lessons I've learned from failed friendships. I haven't had many failed friendships but the very few I've had, including the one that just happened this week, have taught me this:

1. Every single friendship you will have in your life occurs for a reason and for a season. I therefore look back in friendship archives and say; ok we were friends at that time and it was great for however long it lasted. You were meant to be in my life for that season. Whether it’s a month, several months or even years and now your season is over. I then say reminisce on the good before the bad. I look at what role you played in my life at the moment and what lessons you helped me learn. I then conclude your purpose/mission was fulfilled.

2. Forgiveness -When you forgive someone, they lose every power they had over your mind/emotions. You therefore free yourself from their conscience. I won't lie, forgiveness is very hard but what I've learned is we usually harbor a lot of bitterness, anger and resentment towards ourselves AND the friend we're losing. You need to just say, ok this was my best friend and I messed up and so did they so I forgive myself first and then I will extend my forgiveness to them as well. Trust me; it's the most freeing experience ever.

3. When I stop being friends with someone, I Just stop talking to them. No calls, no texts, nothing. In other words, you are just dead to me. However, I’ve learned to be civil. If and when I do see you in public I will acknowledge your presence and wave/hug, ask how you're doing, and go about my way. I choose to act like an adult, because I'm an adult. That person will never be who they were to you. When friendships end, you start seeing that individual differently. It's never the same. Now I want to address the elephant in the room touching itself (me). Everything I've said today is not easy peezy as it sounds. It's a massive, emotionally draining, and heartbreaking process. No, heartbreaks are not only confined to losing a romantic partner. We lose friends for very sickening, weird and silly reasons sometimes but ending particular friendships is one way of living the best version of your life because it frees you from emotional baggage. It will hurt immensely, but life must go on.

Guard your goals

Lately, I've really been looking at successful people and people I admire and just try to figure out what is it about them that makes them successful. When I say 'success', I'm not talking about the traditional matrix which always seems to be about money. I'm talking about  the type of people they are and the fullness of their life. There is one theme that is common among successful people and that is, they selectively choose who to share their goals and accomplishments with. They speak the least. You will never witness them putting themselves on some type of pedestal or stepping on a soap box and preaching to us about what they're about to do. It is so fascinating to me, because I've seen people on Facebook/twitter just brag about their next big project or I meet people in real life who brag about something they haven't even put together. Often  times I come across people who have a vision but no energy. Then there's those with energy but no vision. I rarely meet people with both. They exist but are a rarity. Bragging is akin to masturbating in public. You're entitled to do so, but just remember it's very awkward for people to watch. We're living in a culture where we take comfort in showing off about things that are yet to manifest.

To be fair, I honestly think that people who brag and think they're better than anyone else are not less intelligent, or less talented. It's just that they haven't figured out that not everybody has their best interest at heart. They just get so caught up in the "spreading my dream euphoria" that they forget that not every person wants our dreams to become a reality.I wish they knew that there are some people who when you share a dream/goal with them, they will give you 100 reasons why your goals are unrealistic and will never come true instead of giving you that One supportive, motivational reason to go ahead and pursue your dreams. They want their insecurity to live in us. These people have that crab-in-a barrel mentality. They say "you will never make it" But the minute you "make it" they will turn around and say "I knew you would make it".

  One Lesson that I've really learned on a personal level this year is that alongside virtues such diligence, hard work, confidence & humility; Secrecy and being silent is one of the major keys to achieving something.  We all have goals in life (I hope so, because if you don't then why are you choosing to exist instead of live?). Whether it's to lose weight, or go natural, or get admitted to your dream college...whatever it is, Everyone has that one thing or many things that they want to do. Since we are currently living in an era of social networking, and advanced technology, we've become accustomed to declaring things that we want to achieve before we even go on the journey of making them happen.

The only people that need to know our goals, dreams, aspirations, e.t.c are people that we are accountable to and they could be family members, close friends, mentors, guardians..blah blah. If you are accountable to them, and your relationship with these people is based on love, honesty and integrity, they care about you and want nothing but the absolute best for you, then THOSE are the ONLY people you ought to open up to about your life journey. Think about it, If your success or failure does not directly impact someone, then why are you wasting your breath telling them about your future plans? Nonsensical. The rest of the people DO NOT need to know what we are doing.

I think we need to go on a "exposing ourselves too much" hiatus. Lets embark on the path of  being silent hustlers. Let's perfect our craft first, put in the work and then allow things to manifest. You can't drive a car without fuel. Work on fueling the vessel before you take off. Premature bragging is toxic. The point of this blog is to emphasize that silence and humility are two powerful weapons that a lot of us are not utilizing enough.
Never, ever share you're goals with an average person. for they have sight but no vision. They will drown you in mediocrity.

Thanks for reading.

Peace, Love, joy,

Namaste.